Sarah Palin: "I AM JOE SIXPACK!"

In an interview with columnist and blogger Hugh Hewett, Sarah Palin was quoted as saying the following in response to certain media types saying she's inexperienced:

"Oh, I think they're just not used to someone coming in from the outside saying you know what? It's time that normal Joe six-pack American is finally represented in the position of vice presidency, and I think that that's kind of taken some people off guard, and they’re out of sorts, and they’re ticked off about it," Palin told Hewitt."

The following is a REAL YOU READY GRANDMA/RPMS Exclusive story with Sarah Palin...

Crushing her 5th Busch Light and cracking open a "fresh one", the rough and tough Sarah Palin declared to the "media elites" that as Vice President, she would represent the "Joe Sixpack American".

There has been a distinct change in Mrs. Palin since receiving her self-appointed title of Joe Sixpack representative. With the full and "official" title being: Joe Sixpack, Gun Shootin'est, Rootin' Tootin'est, Beer guzzlin'ist, Moose huntin'ist, Beard Growin American: It is visibly clear that Palin carries a new weight on her shoulders.

For starters, Palin has clearly neglected shaving and grooming: "This 5 o' clock shadow represents the faces of every hardworking American after a long day of the 9 to 5," Palin declared with a fresh froth of beer foam nestled in her newly formed moustache.

"After losing over $20,000 dollars in the stockmarket, I've had to re-think my lifestyle! In Russia, that's almost 500,000 Rubles!"

When asked how she managed to grow a mustache so quickly, the Republican Vice Presidential Candidate responded, slurring her words, "The sunlight in Alaska is just so different from the rest of the U.S., and we're so close to Russia too... you should see some of those ladies mustaches!"

Continuing her explanation, the potential Vice President said, "I'm really going for the Sally-everyman look," Palin exclaimed in between beer laden belches. Pulling out a chart (see below) she continued, "John and I sat down and decided that the closest Maverick-Everyman look would probably either be the Magnum or a Zorro, but right now it looks like I have a Chaplin with Wario on the edges."

The Vice Presidential Mustache Chart

Before passing out in her own vomit, Palin expressed concerns that the "Obama camp might take a cue from the move. If they do, a Barack Obama with a Dali or an M.L. King might be enough to put the Dems over the top."

No comments: