Article clip taken from thenewcivilrightsmovement.com
Gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people were once again subject to the whims of homophobia and religious and cultural extremism this week, thanks to a United Nations vote that removed “sexual orientation” from a resolution that protects people from arbitrary executions. In other words, the UN General Assembly this week voted to allow LGBT people to be executed without cause.
According to the International Gay and Lesbians Human Rights Commission, the UN General Assembly’s Third Committee on Social, Cultural and Humanitarian issues removed “sexual orientation” from a resolution addressing extrajudicial, summary or arbitrary executions this past week in a vote that was overwhelming represented by a majority of African, Middle East and Carribean nations. For a UN committee that addresses human rights questions that affect people all over the world, by removing protections for LGBT persons from a category of arbitrary executions, belies the objective and purpose of a committee whose focus this year is “on the examination of human rights questions,” according to its website.
LINK TO CONTINUE READING: HERE
12.09.2010
11.30.2010
Follow GRANDMA on TWITTER!
Following Grandma on Twitter is probably the best idea if you want to see her at her best (tipsy) and at her worst (incredibly drunk and angry).
http://twitter.com/#!/Youreadygrandma
http://twitter.com/#!/Youreadygrandma
11.09.2010
Founding Fathers Were Not All Christian
"The clergy...believe that any portion of power confided to me [as President] will be exerted in opposition to their schemes. And they believe rightly: for I have sworn upon the altar of God, eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man. But this is all they have to fear from me: and enough, too, in their opinion." --Thomas Jefferson to Benjamin Rush, 1800.
"As I understand the Christian religion, it was, and is, a revelation. But how has it happened that millions of fables, tales, legends, have been blended with both Jewish and Christian revelation that have made them the most bloody religion that ever existed?" --- John Adams, letter to F.A. Van der Kamp, Dec. 27, 1816
"The priesthood have, in all ancient nations, nearly monopolized learning. And ever since the Reformation, when or where has existed a Protestant or dissenting sect who would tolerate A FREE INQUIRY? The blackest billingsgate, the most ungentlemanly insolence, the most yahooish brutality, is patiently endured, countenanced, propagated, and applauded. But touch a solemn truth in collision with a dogma of a sect, though capable of the clearest proof, and you will find you have disturbed a nest, and the hornets will swarm about your eyes and hand, and fly into your face and eyes." --- John Adams, letter to John Taylor
"In every country and every age, the priest has been hostile to liberty. He is always in alliance with the despot ... they have perverted the purest religion ever preached to man into mystery and jargon, unintelligible to all mankind, and therefore the safer engine for their purpose." --- Thomas Jefferson, to Horatio Spafford, March 17, 1814
"Is uniformity attainable? Millions of innocent men, women and children, since the introduction of Christianity, have been burnt, tortured, fined, imprisoned; yet we have not advanced an inch towards uniformity. What has been the effect of coercion? To make one half the world fools, and the other half hypocrites. To support roguery and error all over the earth." --- Thomas Jefferson, from "Notes on Virginia"
"What influence, in fact, have ecclesiastical establishments had on society? In some instances they have been seen to erect a spiritual tyranny on the ruins of the civil authority; on many instances they have been seen upholding the thrones of political tyranny; in no instance have they been the guardians of the liberties of the people. Rulers who wish to subvert the public liberty may have found an established clergy convenient auxiliaries. A just government, instituted to secure and perpetuate it, needs them not." --- James Madison, "A Memorial and Remonstrance", 1785
"Experience witnesseth that ecclesiastical establishments, instead of maintaining the purity and efficacy of religion, have had a contrary operation. During almost fifteen centuries has the legal establishment of Christianity been on trial. What has been its fruits? More or less, in all places, pride and indolence in the clergy; ignorance and servility in the laity; in both, superstition, bigotry and persecution." --- James Madison, "A Memorial and Remonstrance", 1785
"The Bible is not my book nor Christianity my profession. I could never give assent to the long, complicated statements of Christian dogma."
- Abraham Lincoln, American president (1809-1865).
"I cannot imagine a God who rewards and punishes the objects of his creation, whose purposes are modeled after our own -- a God, in short, who is but a reflection of human frailty. Neither can I believe that the individual survives the death of his body, although feeble souls harbor such thoughts through fear or ridiculous egotism." - Albert Einstein
"If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for a reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed." - Albert Einstein
"I have found Christian dogma unintelligible. Early in life, I absenteed myself from Christian assemblies." &
"Lighthouses are more helpful then churches."
-Benjamin Franklin, American Founding Father, author, and inventor
"The Bible and the Church have been the greatest stumbling blocks in the way of women's emancipation."
"The bible teaches that woman brought sin and death into the world, that she precipitated the fall of the race, that she was arraigned before the judgment seat of Heaven, tried, condemned and sentenced. Marriage for her was to be a condition of bondage, maternity a period of suffering and anguish, and in silence and subjection, she was to play the role of a dependent on man's bounty for all her material wants, and for all the information she might desire...Here is the Bible position of woman briefly summed up."
She wrote of the Bible, "I found nothing grand in the history of the Jews nor in the morals inculcated in the Pentateuch. Surely the writers had a very low idea of the nature of their god. They made him not only anthropomorphic, but of the very lowest type, jealous and revengeful, loving violence rather than mercy. I know of no other books that so fully teach the subjection and degradation of women." [Women Without Superstition]
- Elizabeth Cady Stanton, American suffragist (1815-1902).
"What influence in fact have Christian ecclesiastical establishments had on civil society? In many instances they have been upholding the thrones of political tyranny. In no instance have they been seen as the guardians of the liberties of the people. Rulers who wished to subvert the public liberty have found in the clergy convenient auxiliaries. A just government, instituted to secure and perpetuate liberty, does not need the clergy."
During almost fifteen centuries has the legal establishment of Christianity been on trial. What has been its fruits? More or less, in all places, pride and indolence in the clergy; ignorance and servility in the laity; in both, superstition, bigotry, and persecution."
_ James Madison
"The divinity of Jesus is made a convenient cover for absurdity." &
"This would be the best of all possible worlds, if there were no religion in it."
- John Adams
"I was born a heretic. I always distrust people who know so much about what God wants them to do to their fellows."
- Susan B. Anthony, American suffragist (1820-1906).
"Religion is all bunk."
"I cannot believe in the immortality of the soul.... No, all this talk of an existence for us, as individuals, beyond the grave is wrong. It is born of our tenacity of life – our desire to go on living … our dread of coming to an end."
- Thomas Edison, American inventor (1847-1931).
"Revelation is a communication of something which the person to whom the thing id revealed did not know before. For if I have done, a thing, or seen it done, it needs no Revelation to tell me, I have done or seen it done nor enable me to tell it or write it. Revelation therefore cannot be applied to anything done upon earth, of which man is himself actor or witness and consequently all the historical part of the Bible which is almost the whole of it, is not within the meaning and compass of the word Revelation and therefore is not the Word of God."-- Thomas Paine The Age of Reason
"Whenever we read the obscene stories, the voluptuous debaucheries, the cruel and tortuous executions, the unrelenting vindictiveness with which more than half the Bible is filled, it would be more consistent that we call it the word of a demon than the word of God. It is a history of wickedness that has served to corrupt and brutalize mankind." From - The Age of Reason, Paine
"All national institutions of churches, whether Jewish, Christian or Turkish, appear to me no other than human inventions, set up to terrify and enslave mankind, and monopolize power and profit. " - Thomas Paine
"I do not believe in the divinity of Christ and there are many other of the postulates of the orthodox creed to which I cannot subscribe." - President William Howard Taft
"As I understand the Christian religion, it was, and is, a revelation. But how has it happened that millions of fables, tales, legends, have been blended with both Jewish and Christian revelation that have made them the most bloody religion that ever existed?" --- John Adams, letter to F.A. Van der Kamp, Dec. 27, 1816
"The priesthood have, in all ancient nations, nearly monopolized learning. And ever since the Reformation, when or where has existed a Protestant or dissenting sect who would tolerate A FREE INQUIRY? The blackest billingsgate, the most ungentlemanly insolence, the most yahooish brutality, is patiently endured, countenanced, propagated, and applauded. But touch a solemn truth in collision with a dogma of a sect, though capable of the clearest proof, and you will find you have disturbed a nest, and the hornets will swarm about your eyes and hand, and fly into your face and eyes." --- John Adams, letter to John Taylor
"In every country and every age, the priest has been hostile to liberty. He is always in alliance with the despot ... they have perverted the purest religion ever preached to man into mystery and jargon, unintelligible to all mankind, and therefore the safer engine for their purpose." --- Thomas Jefferson, to Horatio Spafford, March 17, 1814
"Is uniformity attainable? Millions of innocent men, women and children, since the introduction of Christianity, have been burnt, tortured, fined, imprisoned; yet we have not advanced an inch towards uniformity. What has been the effect of coercion? To make one half the world fools, and the other half hypocrites. To support roguery and error all over the earth." --- Thomas Jefferson, from "Notes on Virginia"
"What influence, in fact, have ecclesiastical establishments had on society? In some instances they have been seen to erect a spiritual tyranny on the ruins of the civil authority; on many instances they have been seen upholding the thrones of political tyranny; in no instance have they been the guardians of the liberties of the people. Rulers who wish to subvert the public liberty may have found an established clergy convenient auxiliaries. A just government, instituted to secure and perpetuate it, needs them not." --- James Madison, "A Memorial and Remonstrance", 1785
"Experience witnesseth that ecclesiastical establishments, instead of maintaining the purity and efficacy of religion, have had a contrary operation. During almost fifteen centuries has the legal establishment of Christianity been on trial. What has been its fruits? More or less, in all places, pride and indolence in the clergy; ignorance and servility in the laity; in both, superstition, bigotry and persecution." --- James Madison, "A Memorial and Remonstrance", 1785
"The Bible is not my book nor Christianity my profession. I could never give assent to the long, complicated statements of Christian dogma."
- Abraham Lincoln, American president (1809-1865).
"I cannot imagine a God who rewards and punishes the objects of his creation, whose purposes are modeled after our own -- a God, in short, who is but a reflection of human frailty. Neither can I believe that the individual survives the death of his body, although feeble souls harbor such thoughts through fear or ridiculous egotism." - Albert Einstein
"If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for a reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed." - Albert Einstein
"I have found Christian dogma unintelligible. Early in life, I absenteed myself from Christian assemblies." &
"Lighthouses are more helpful then churches."
-Benjamin Franklin, American Founding Father, author, and inventor
"The Bible and the Church have been the greatest stumbling blocks in the way of women's emancipation."
"The bible teaches that woman brought sin and death into the world, that she precipitated the fall of the race, that she was arraigned before the judgment seat of Heaven, tried, condemned and sentenced. Marriage for her was to be a condition of bondage, maternity a period of suffering and anguish, and in silence and subjection, she was to play the role of a dependent on man's bounty for all her material wants, and for all the information she might desire...Here is the Bible position of woman briefly summed up."
She wrote of the Bible, "I found nothing grand in the history of the Jews nor in the morals inculcated in the Pentateuch. Surely the writers had a very low idea of the nature of their god. They made him not only anthropomorphic, but of the very lowest type, jealous and revengeful, loving violence rather than mercy. I know of no other books that so fully teach the subjection and degradation of women." [Women Without Superstition]
- Elizabeth Cady Stanton, American suffragist (1815-1902).
"What influence in fact have Christian ecclesiastical establishments had on civil society? In many instances they have been upholding the thrones of political tyranny. In no instance have they been seen as the guardians of the liberties of the people. Rulers who wished to subvert the public liberty have found in the clergy convenient auxiliaries. A just government, instituted to secure and perpetuate liberty, does not need the clergy."
During almost fifteen centuries has the legal establishment of Christianity been on trial. What has been its fruits? More or less, in all places, pride and indolence in the clergy; ignorance and servility in the laity; in both, superstition, bigotry, and persecution."
_ James Madison
"The divinity of Jesus is made a convenient cover for absurdity." &
"This would be the best of all possible worlds, if there were no religion in it."
- John Adams
"I was born a heretic. I always distrust people who know so much about what God wants them to do to their fellows."
- Susan B. Anthony, American suffragist (1820-1906).
"Religion is all bunk."
"I cannot believe in the immortality of the soul.... No, all this talk of an existence for us, as individuals, beyond the grave is wrong. It is born of our tenacity of life – our desire to go on living … our dread of coming to an end."
- Thomas Edison, American inventor (1847-1931).
"Revelation is a communication of something which the person to whom the thing id revealed did not know before. For if I have done, a thing, or seen it done, it needs no Revelation to tell me, I have done or seen it done nor enable me to tell it or write it. Revelation therefore cannot be applied to anything done upon earth, of which man is himself actor or witness and consequently all the historical part of the Bible which is almost the whole of it, is not within the meaning and compass of the word Revelation and therefore is not the Word of God."-- Thomas Paine The Age of Reason
"Whenever we read the obscene stories, the voluptuous debaucheries, the cruel and tortuous executions, the unrelenting vindictiveness with which more than half the Bible is filled, it would be more consistent that we call it the word of a demon than the word of God. It is a history of wickedness that has served to corrupt and brutalize mankind." From - The Age of Reason, Paine
"All national institutions of churches, whether Jewish, Christian or Turkish, appear to me no other than human inventions, set up to terrify and enslave mankind, and monopolize power and profit. " - Thomas Paine
"I do not believe in the divinity of Christ and there are many other of the postulates of the orthodox creed to which I cannot subscribe." - President William Howard Taft
11.03.2010
To learn how you can snap pictures and capture videos with your wireless phone visit www.verizonwireless.com/picture.
Note: To play video messages sent to email, Quicktime@ 6.5 or higher is required.
10.30.2010
10.25.2010
Got 'The Fire' album by
Got 'The Fire' album by Senses Fail with DVD and poster today in the mail. Makes me want to DESTROY!!!!! Love it!
10.21.2010
Letterman gets O'Reilly to say Iraq War was eventually for oil
The debate is good. And neither of them has a decent answer for solving anything... what's new?
10.07.2010
'Cat of the Month Club' creates confusion, controversy
A new web-based company called 'The Cat of the Month Club' has found itself in legal limbo due to alleged customer misuse.
Every month on the company's website consumers see a newly featured cat species. Individuals can simply select and purchase up to 3 of the cats.
Suspicions were raised when the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) noticed the remarkable popularity and profits garnered by the young company.
Covert investigations began after the message board on The Cat of the Month Club's Facebook site began to show a remarkable interest from Korean and Chinese restaurant owners.
Jon Leibowitz, Chairman of the FTC said that the company website, and later added Facebook page, started out innocently.
"At first, looking back through the data and numbers, everything seemed just fine. But then the increasing number of Asian restaurant owners 'liking' the page and demanding more cats caught our eye."
Some of the most questionable and obvious Facebook comments are listed below:
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Comment from 수염 샐러드 (Whisker Salad): I need more than 3 cat a month, can yoo only send head. save me ship cost?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Comment from 맛있는 고양이 (Yummy Cat): Why cat 3 limit, recipe for good need 50 or mor. Why all cat no claws, how we sell restaurant jewelry?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
고양이 먹는 사람 (Cat Eater): YOU SEND MORE CAT NOW. I PAY YOU NOW. I PAY DOUBLE. CUSTOMER HUNGRY!!! YOU RUIN BUSINESS!!!!!!!!!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Although it might seem simple for the FTC to find the consumers who grossly misused the company's services, authorities are having a hard time.
"The Asians are great with computers, making them nearly impossible to locate. Also, they all have pretty much have the same names. How can you prove that you found the right person?!?!" cried Leibowitz.
Every month on the company's website consumers see a newly featured cat species. Individuals can simply select and purchase up to 3 of the cats.
Suspicions were raised when the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) noticed the remarkable popularity and profits garnered by the young company.
Covert investigations began after the message board on The Cat of the Month Club's Facebook site began to show a remarkable interest from Korean and Chinese restaurant owners.
Jon Leibowitz, Chairman of the FTC said that the company website, and later added Facebook page, started out innocently.
"At first, looking back through the data and numbers, everything seemed just fine. But then the increasing number of Asian restaurant owners 'liking' the page and demanding more cats caught our eye."
Some of the most questionable and obvious Facebook comments are listed below:
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Comment from 수염 샐러드 (Whisker Salad): I need more than 3 cat a month, can yoo only send head. save me ship cost?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Comment from 맛있는 고양이 (Yummy Cat): Why cat 3 limit, recipe for good need 50 or mor. Why all cat no claws, how we sell restaurant jewelry?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
고양이 먹는 사람 (Cat Eater): YOU SEND MORE CAT NOW. I PAY YOU NOW. I PAY DOUBLE. CUSTOMER HUNGRY!!! YOU RUIN BUSINESS!!!!!!!!!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Although it might seem simple for the FTC to find the consumers who grossly misused the company's services, authorities are having a hard time.
"The Asians are great with computers, making them nearly impossible to locate. Also, they all have pretty much have the same names. How can you prove that you found the right person?!?!" cried Leibowitz.
10.06.2010
Bryce in Minnesota Still Waiting on Domino's Pizza to "Make it up to him."
The twenty-one year old St. Scholastica sophomore is more than pissed off.
"They use my photo of my F-ed up pizza to make money through advertisements, tell me they are sorry, and then send me male hookers. I'm peeved."
To date Dominos has tried to send Bryce over a dozen male go-go dancers, strippers and pre-paid prostitutes.
(Not a pizza delivery boy)
10.05.2010
Clowns Protest Halloween Stereotyping in UK
(Toothless Grandma in the UK) A group of clowns have begun to protest at Alton Towers Theme Park over a belief that a haunted maze at the Staffordshire theme park demonizes them.
The new maze attraction which is called 'The Carnival of Screams' will open over a two week period up through Halloween. The segment in question is a fun house overtaken by evil clowns who chase visitors through the attraction.
Fips the Clown, a protestor, was one of many clowns holding signs outside of the park. His simply read 'We are not happy.'
Another sign that was held by Ringo the Clown caused more confusion than anything:
"It only serves to reinforce stereotypes of clowns as evil. This will do for clowns what Jaws did for sharks," said Fips.
Fip's comments have already sparked rumors of upcoming protests by clown sharks.
9.30.2010
Senses Fail 'The Fire' Releases in October
Hey look!
A music post.... that's odd.
Link to Pre-order (CLICK ME!)
Senses Fail
Yellow Angels from their last release
'Life is Not a Waiting Room'
A music post.... that's odd.
Link to Pre-order (CLICK ME!)
Yellow Angels from their last release
'Life is Not a Waiting Room'
New Organized Movement Sparks Debate, Arrests Around Country
(National Grandma News) A new, and rapidly growing group simply called the 'Make Awkward Sexual Advances, Not War' (MASANW) organization has begun demonstrating in cities nation-wide in order to protest President Barack Obama's half-hearted troop removal in Iraq.
Since Obama officially announced the commencement of troop withdrawal in July, MASANW has grown in numbers from one elderly man named Gerald Boituch in Hunstville, Alabama to a group of over 420,000 people.
Boituch was originally arrested for approaching strangers in Muscle Shoals (a suburb of Huntsville) and shouting, "We get in there fast without warning or permission and now we are lying about how fast we were going to pull out!" all the while motioning suggestively toward his midsection.
Upon interrogation, Boituch explained to police officers that he was simply a peaceful antiwar protester trying new methods to gain attention and numbers.
His attention-grabbing techniques made headline news in both the newspapers and on national television.
In less than 2 months time, the peace movement has spread from Huntsville to as far away as Alaska, Hawaii and Maine resulting in thousands of arrests as police are having a hard time distinguishing pedophiles, unwanted gropers and rapists from the demonstrators.
To curb the number of arrests and minimize confusion, Boituch has started to encourage like-minded individuals to utilize signs and t-shirts like the ones depicted below:
Some cities have also seen an increasing amount of graffiti, prompting Boituch to condemn the defacing of property and send newsletters to followers including a diagram teaching proper thrusting motions to lower the high number of reported back injuries to emotionally-charged MASANW members.
Boituch announced last week that MASANW will be sponsoring flash mobs full of awkward sexual advances in the coming months.
Since Obama officially announced the commencement of troop withdrawal in July, MASANW has grown in numbers from one elderly man named Gerald Boituch in Hunstville, Alabama to a group of over 420,000 people.
Boituch was originally arrested for approaching strangers in Muscle Shoals (a suburb of Huntsville) and shouting, "We get in there fast without warning or permission and now we are lying about how fast we were going to pull out!" all the while motioning suggestively toward his midsection.
Upon interrogation, Boituch explained to police officers that he was simply a peaceful antiwar protester trying new methods to gain attention and numbers.
His attention-grabbing techniques made headline news in both the newspapers and on national television.
In less than 2 months time, the peace movement has spread from Huntsville to as far away as Alaska, Hawaii and Maine resulting in thousands of arrests as police are having a hard time distinguishing pedophiles, unwanted gropers and rapists from the demonstrators.
To curb the number of arrests and minimize confusion, Boituch has started to encourage like-minded individuals to utilize signs and t-shirts like the ones depicted below:
Some cities have also seen an increasing amount of graffiti, prompting Boituch to condemn the defacing of property and send newsletters to followers including a diagram teaching proper thrusting motions to lower the high number of reported back injuries to emotionally-charged MASANW members.
9.04.2010
Home Depot to sell new products: Oatmeal, rivers and excuses
(Atlanta,GA) Home Depot, the world's largest home improvement retailer, announced today that is will begin selling three new products: oatmeal, rivers and excuses.
After conducting a short and altogether misguided study, Home Depot marketing strategists, in conjunction with Quaker, Water & Liars, has decided to start a new line of useless crap.
Stores will now offer oatmeal made entirely out of broken brick and tile shards to cut down on shrinkage.
the small and sharp pieces will be derived from solid, frogged and perforated bricks that have been destroyed during the shipping process.
Home Depot locations will also feature a new aisle that will be stocked with rivers.
Although excuses will not be a tangible source available for purchase, the retailer affirms that eating Home Depot oatmeal or purchasing, and strategically locating a river, customers will have great excuses for multiple situations.
"All of my teeth fell out."
"My son drowned."
"I'm literally bleeding internally, and/or, excreting blood."
Customers will be required to sign waivers to purchase the new products.
The advertising campaign will be headed up by actor Wilford Brimley.
After conducting a short and altogether misguided study, Home Depot marketing strategists, in conjunction with Quaker, Water & Liars, has decided to start a new line of useless crap.
Stores will now offer oatmeal made entirely out of broken brick and tile shards to cut down on shrinkage.
the small and sharp pieces will be derived from solid, frogged and perforated bricks that have been destroyed during the shipping process.
Home Depot locations will also feature a new aisle that will be stocked with rivers.
Although excuses will not be a tangible source available for purchase, the retailer affirms that eating Home Depot oatmeal or purchasing, and strategically locating a river, customers will have great excuses for multiple situations.
"All of my teeth fell out."
"My son drowned."
"I'm literally bleeding internally, and/or, excreting blood."
Customers will be required to sign waivers to purchase the new products.
The advertising campaign will be headed up by actor Wilford Brimley.
8.11.2010
This message was sent using the Picture and Video Messaging service from Verizon Wireless!
To learn how you can snap pictures and capture videos with your wireless phone visit www.verizonwireless.com/picture.
Note: To play video messages sent to email, QuickTime® 6.5 or higher is required.
8.05.2010
Proposition 8 Overturned in California
As mentioned before, I am being paid to write as the LA County Independent Examiner.
Here's the prediction that I made in November of 2008 on this issue, where I emphatically stated that Proposition 8 was unconstitutional and would be overturned. LINK LINK LINK
AND BELOW IS beginning of my latest article:
(San Francisco) A Federal Judge in Northern California, Justice Vaughn Walker, struck down the state's ban on same-sex marriage today, thus overruling the narrow passage of Proposition 8 that was voted on in November of 2008.
The voiding of Proposition 8 definitively removed the clause the measure had added to the California Constitution that said "only marriage between a man and..."
CLICK TO READ REST OF ARTICLE
Here's the prediction that I made in November of 2008 on this issue, where I emphatically stated that Proposition 8 was unconstitutional and would be overturned. LINK LINK LINK
AND BELOW IS beginning of my latest article:
(San Francisco) A Federal Judge in Northern California, Justice Vaughn Walker, struck down the state's ban on same-sex marriage today, thus overruling the narrow passage of Proposition 8 that was voted on in November of 2008.
The voiding of Proposition 8 definitively removed the clause the measure had added to the California Constitution that said "only marriage between a man and..."
CLICK TO READ REST OF ARTICLE
6.21.2010
How The States Got Their Names: Learning is FUN!!!
Okay, so I was wondering just now how the states in the U.S. got their names.
Here's a short, general and neat list of some of the ways that the names came to be:
http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0854966.html
Here's a short, general and neat list of some of the ways that the names came to be:
http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0854966.html
6.17.2010
Eminem Comes Out of Closet
Famous white rapper and well-known loud-mouth, Eminem, (Marshall Mathers, Slim Shady, whatever) has 'matured.'
He now fully supports same-sex marriage in Michigan, his home state.
Which may be surprising considering his release last year of the song 'Elevator,' in which he states:
"Sorry Lance, Mr. Lambert and Aiken ain't gonna make it, fake it
They get so mad, when I call them both fagots."
Not to mention the handful of other songs and comments that he has rapped and made over the past years of his untalented career (in my opinion).
He made the same quip that many people do on this topic when speaking to The New York Times... if same-sex couples wish to marry, they have every right to be as miserable as their straight counter-parts...
"It's the new tolerant me! My overall look on things is a lot more mature than it used to be."
Now let's just wait for him to make out with Elton John at some music award event.
He now fully supports same-sex marriage in Michigan, his home state.
Which may be surprising considering his release last year of the song 'Elevator,' in which he states:
"Sorry Lance, Mr. Lambert and Aiken ain't gonna make it, fake it
They get so mad, when I call them both fagots."
Not to mention the handful of other songs and comments that he has rapped and made over the past years of his untalented career (in my opinion).
He made the same quip that many people do on this topic when speaking to The New York Times... if same-sex couples wish to marry, they have every right to be as miserable as their straight counter-parts...
"It's the new tolerant me! My overall look on things is a lot more mature than it used to be."
Now let's just wait for him to make out with Elton John at some music award event.
6.07.2010
Adam Lambert Spoof, Yet Political Points Made...
Thanks Jay :)
Why the double standard of girls kissing and boys fake humping?
Why the double standard of girls kissing and boys fake humping?
6.04.2010
Does Bill O'Reilly compare McDonald's Gay Ad to Terrorists Being Welcomed?!?!?!
Apparently if McDonald's has a gay friendly ad, then that means they will soon welcome terrorists... good job Bill...
VOTE ON THE RIGHT --->>>>
VOTE ON THE RIGHT --->>>>
6.01.2010
Man Accuses Dolphin of Attempted Rape
The following article is real, seriously. A friend of mine recently told me about this, and I had to look it up.
The story below is not mine, it is taken from:
http://www.iol.co.za/
Oslo - A Norwegian man is accusing a dolphin of attempted rape.
Norway's top-selling daily Verdens Gang on Tuesday quoted the 28-year-old as saying that the dolphin apparently mistook him for a female after swimming alongside him in the sea off Farsund, south Norway, earlier this month.
The dolphin's penis got caught between the man's swimming costume and his legs before the man, who declined to give his name, managed to clamber back on board his boat.
"The dolphin shoved me forward two or three metres before I got loose," he said. "At first I thought it was a fin, but dolphins don't have fins on their underbellies."
A friend of the man, a diving instructor who saw the attack, told Verdens Gang that the dolphin "tried it on with me too, but I was wearing protection - a wetsuit". - Reuters
Dolphin Rape Awareness Group: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2227241958
I'M GUESSING IT LOOKED SOMETHING LIKE THIS:
The story below is not mine, it is taken from:
http://www.iol.co.za/
Oslo - A Norwegian man is accusing a dolphin of attempted rape.
Norway's top-selling daily Verdens Gang on Tuesday quoted the 28-year-old as saying that the dolphin apparently mistook him for a female after swimming alongside him in the sea off Farsund, south Norway, earlier this month.
The dolphin's penis got caught between the man's swimming costume and his legs before the man, who declined to give his name, managed to clamber back on board his boat.
"The dolphin shoved me forward two or three metres before I got loose," he said. "At first I thought it was a fin, but dolphins don't have fins on their underbellies."
A friend of the man, a diving instructor who saw the attack, told Verdens Gang that the dolphin "tried it on with me too, but I was wearing protection - a wetsuit". - Reuters
Dolphin Rape Awareness Group: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2227241958
I'M GUESSING IT LOOKED SOMETHING LIKE THIS:
5.30.2010
5.28.2010
5.27.2010
Young Woman Looking to Marry because She's 'supposed to.'
A twenty-seven year old woman, feeling the pressure from her parents and peers, has decided that it is time to settle down, get married and raise some kids.
After seeing her 3 best friends from college tie the knot, Cheryl Swanson, a Georgia native, is hoping that her current lover will propose.
The two have been together for nearly 4 years, and although the timing might not be ideal, Swanson has been dropping hints more and more often.
"I really want this to happen, and soon, because everyone is starting to think that I have something wrong with me."
Cheryl's grandma hasn't been making it easy either.
"I'd like to be at her wedding. I mean, I'm 84, how long does she think I will live for!?!?"
Yet, Swanson is certain that her Grandma would pass away upon hearing the news anyway.
"Yah, she'd probably have a heart attack. Anything small gives her heart palpitations, this would just make her head explode."
For now Cheryl is still waiting for her girlfriend to 'pop the question.' Then they will have to move to a state that allows same-sex marriage, and then possibly move again and wait two years to legally adopt a child.
After seeing her 3 best friends from college tie the knot, Cheryl Swanson, a Georgia native, is hoping that her current lover will propose.
The two have been together for nearly 4 years, and although the timing might not be ideal, Swanson has been dropping hints more and more often.
"I really want this to happen, and soon, because everyone is starting to think that I have something wrong with me."
Cheryl's grandma hasn't been making it easy either.
"I'd like to be at her wedding. I mean, I'm 84, how long does she think I will live for!?!?"
Yet, Swanson is certain that her Grandma would pass away upon hearing the news anyway.
"Yah, she'd probably have a heart attack. Anything small gives her heart palpitations, this would just make her head explode."
For now Cheryl is still waiting for her girlfriend to 'pop the question.' Then they will have to move to a state that allows same-sex marriage, and then possibly move again and wait two years to legally adopt a child.
The Disney Straw Man/Slippery Slope: Where Logic Goes to Die
If...then
Okay, let's show people why the straw man and slippery slope argumenst are logical fallacies... using a Venn diagram!!!
Donald, Daisy, Goofy, Pluto, Mickey & Minnie are all Disney Characters.
Mighty Mouse, Jerry, Mickey & Minnie are all Famous Mice.
Now this should make sense by looking at the chart. So although Donald, Daisy, Goofy and Pluto are Disney Characters like Mickey & Minnie, they are not also mice...
K here's where we mix it up kids!
Say that we replace "Disney Characters" with "Crack Addicts" and "Famous Mice" with "Prostitutes."
We now see that although Goofy is clearly a crack addict, he is not a prostitute. Likewise, even though Mighty Mouse is a bangin' hot prostitute, he is not a crack addict.
Just because Goofy likes crack, that doesn't mean he will become a skank.
And just because Mighty Mouse is a wench, that doesn't mean he will become addicted to crack.
The only ones who whore-out to pay for their drug habits are Mickey and Minnie.
Use this flawless logic and you will go far in life.
Donald, Daisy, Goofy, Pluto, Mickey & Minnie are all Disney Characters.
Mighty Mouse, Jerry, Mickey & Minnie are all Famous Mice.
Now this should make sense by looking at the chart. So although Donald, Daisy, Goofy and Pluto are Disney Characters like Mickey & Minnie, they are not also mice...
K here's where we mix it up kids!
Say that we replace "Disney Characters" with "Crack Addicts" and "Famous Mice" with "Prostitutes."
We now see that although Goofy is clearly a crack addict, he is not a prostitute. Likewise, even though Mighty Mouse is a bangin' hot prostitute, he is not a crack addict.
Just because Goofy likes crack, that doesn't mean he will become a skank.
And just because Mighty Mouse is a wench, that doesn't mean he will become addicted to crack.
The only ones who whore-out to pay for their drug habits are Mickey and Minnie.
Use this flawless logic and you will go far in life.
5.26.2010
Important Things to Know
Today - Jim Tolbert, a farmer in Northern Iowa had his land, animals, and property taken by the Citizen's Credit Union of Des Moines after becoming addicted to Farmville, losing his grasp on reality, and getting far too involved in his "barn raising" party.
- Tomorrow - A random compliment at work about your hair will make your day. That's how sad your life has become, and how reliant you are on the approval of complete strangers.
- Friday - Although you used to go out and have fun with friends, a night watching television, and masturbating yourself to sleep, sans orgasm, will ironically reflect your current level of life satisfaction.
.....
This was very important......
- Tomorrow - A random compliment at work about your hair will make your day. That's how sad your life has become, and how reliant you are on the approval of complete strangers.
- Friday - Although you used to go out and have fun with friends, a night watching television, and masturbating yourself to sleep, sans orgasm, will ironically reflect your current level of life satisfaction.
.....
This was very important......
5.23.2010
Somewhat Popular Pornography Genre Takes A Dive in Revenue
A recent in-depth study by the American Pornography Society (APS) reveals that the massive ongoing sex scandals in the Catholic Church have considerably hurt the "religious pervert on preteen" genre of the multi-billion dollar adult industry.
Steve Owens, the head of Research and Development at APS tearfully released the shocking information late Friday night.
"It's just saddening. Saddening and disgusting," Owens said, "To think that such a great genre of adult entertainment could be ransacked by such an evil group of unabashedly sick men."
Owens continued to state the major differences between the boy rape of the Catholic Church and the "religious pervert on preteen" sex in the industry.
"In porn, all of the sex is consensual, and none of the boys are under the age of eighteen," he clarified, "However; in the Catholic Church, none of the sex was with boys of consenting age, lives were ruined, and 99% of the priests have never been criminally punished."
The head of APS PR also described the methods used by the Pope and his "minions" to cover up the atrocities.
"Essentially, they played hide the rapist priest: here's a rapist, find the rapist, where's the raping priest? Round and round diocese to diocese he goes, who get's raped? Nobody knows! Except the poor kids."
Now, according to APS statistical data (which was compiled in several double-blind studies), most people who used to enjoy this type of pornography now have no interest whatsoever.
Stan Billings from Birmingham, AL described his new aversion to his former favorite porn.
"I used to think of it as fantasy, pure fiction. I knew it wasn't really illegal and that nobody was being hurt. That's why I was okay with it. But now, the images just make me want to vomit and go on a church burning spree."
The APA reports that the genre went from making up 9% of the industry ($200,000,000) down to .03% ($79,000).
It is believed that the remaining revenue is mostly coming from church leaders.
"Also," said Owens, "That number would be much higher if so many priests weren't still getting the 'real' thing."
It is reported that this industry will try to rebound by releasing a $50 DVD/Blue Ray entitled "Priests Gone Wild!"
Steve Owens, the head of Research and Development at APS tearfully released the shocking information late Friday night.
"It's just saddening. Saddening and disgusting," Owens said, "To think that such a great genre of adult entertainment could be ransacked by such an evil group of unabashedly sick men."
Owens continued to state the major differences between the boy rape of the Catholic Church and the "religious pervert on preteen" sex in the industry.
"In porn, all of the sex is consensual, and none of the boys are under the age of eighteen," he clarified, "However; in the Catholic Church, none of the sex was with boys of consenting age, lives were ruined, and 99% of the priests have never been criminally punished."
The head of APS PR also described the methods used by the Pope and his "minions" to cover up the atrocities.
"Essentially, they played hide the rapist priest: here's a rapist, find the rapist, where's the raping priest? Round and round diocese to diocese he goes, who get's raped? Nobody knows! Except the poor kids."
Now, according to APS statistical data (which was compiled in several double-blind studies), most people who used to enjoy this type of pornography now have no interest whatsoever.
Stan Billings from Birmingham, AL described his new aversion to his former favorite porn.
"I used to think of it as fantasy, pure fiction. I knew it wasn't really illegal and that nobody was being hurt. That's why I was okay with it. But now, the images just make me want to vomit and go on a church burning spree."
The APA reports that the genre went from making up 9% of the industry ($200,000,000) down to .03% ($79,000).
It is believed that the remaining revenue is mostly coming from church leaders.
"Also," said Owens, "That number would be much higher if so many priests weren't still getting the 'real' thing."
It is reported that this industry will try to rebound by releasing a $50 DVD/Blue Ray entitled "Priests Gone Wild!"
5.21.2010
BP Won't Stop Oil Leak, Enjoying Attention
British Petroleum(BP), announced today that it could have stopped the massive oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico almost immediately, but they chose not to.
Micheal Stedmier, head of BP public relations, released a statement today saying that, "Basically, none of this ever had to happen."
"Although we could have stopped the leak just hours after it started, the amount of attention that we immediately received made us feel warm and fuzzy inside," said Stedmier, with a grin on his face.
After the "warm fuzzies" wore off, Stedmier just began to have fun with the situation.
"I thought to myself, 'Well we could end this, but we have the world's attention... let's f**k with them.' That's when we started talking about using golf balls and old tires. Just to see if people were dumb enough to buy it."
Stedmier said that he then got Halliburton, and Transocean to go in on the farce.
"Yah, Halliburton was the easy one, Transocean didn't buy into the idea until I threatened to reveal why the founder of Transocean had the word 'Trans' in its name..."
The P.R. head continued to describe the other details of the spill that he really liked.
"So I've always loved dolphins and marine life in general, but I don't have cable. So when the news channels began showing videos and pictures of the animals, I just couldn't bring myself to ruin this perfect opportunity to see these marvelous creatures."
After a week of the free "sea-life T.V.," Stedmier started to consider stopping the leak.
"Yah, I was so close to giving the green light to plug the hole, but then they started talking about tar balls. I f**king LOVE balls!"
Stedmier then had a few days to watch the tar ball coverage, during which, according to co-workers, he locked himself in his office and refused to open the door.
Mary Rengler, assistant to Stedmier, reported that she repeatedly tried to contact her boss.
"So, I knocked on his door several times a day because of the faxes, phone calls, and paperwork that was coming in for him. But he wouldn't open the door."
Rengler said that her boss only came outside once in the three day stretch to get two boxes of tissue and borrow her lotion, which he never gave back.
As of today, it is estimated that up to 2,940,000 gallons of oil, 1 gallon of semen, and 3lbs of tissue have been wasted, because of BP H.R.
Micheal Stedmier, head of BP public relations, released a statement today saying that, "Basically, none of this ever had to happen."
"Although we could have stopped the leak just hours after it started, the amount of attention that we immediately received made us feel warm and fuzzy inside," said Stedmier, with a grin on his face.
After the "warm fuzzies" wore off, Stedmier just began to have fun with the situation.
"I thought to myself, 'Well we could end this, but we have the world's attention... let's f**k with them.' That's when we started talking about using golf balls and old tires. Just to see if people were dumb enough to buy it."
Stedmier said that he then got Halliburton, and Transocean to go in on the farce.
"Yah, Halliburton was the easy one, Transocean didn't buy into the idea until I threatened to reveal why the founder of Transocean had the word 'Trans' in its name..."
The P.R. head continued to describe the other details of the spill that he really liked.
"So I've always loved dolphins and marine life in general, but I don't have cable. So when the news channels began showing videos and pictures of the animals, I just couldn't bring myself to ruin this perfect opportunity to see these marvelous creatures."
After a week of the free "sea-life T.V.," Stedmier started to consider stopping the leak.
"Yah, I was so close to giving the green light to plug the hole, but then they started talking about tar balls. I f**king LOVE balls!"
Stedmier then had a few days to watch the tar ball coverage, during which, according to co-workers, he locked himself in his office and refused to open the door.
Mary Rengler, assistant to Stedmier, reported that she repeatedly tried to contact her boss.
"So, I knocked on his door several times a day because of the faxes, phone calls, and paperwork that was coming in for him. But he wouldn't open the door."
Rengler said that her boss only came outside once in the three day stretch to get two boxes of tissue and borrow her lotion, which he never gave back.
As of today, it is estimated that up to 2,940,000 gallons of oil, 1 gallon of semen, and 3lbs of tissue have been wasted, because of BP H.R.
Cross replaced in Mojave Desert: Constitutional Battle Continues
After the original cross of controversy was removed overnight by unknown persons, another cross has, once again, been re-installed by sneaky people (assuming Christians here).
The cross was originally erected in 1934 by a group of men from the Veterans of Foreign Wars (VFW) as a war memorial. Apparently they assumed that everyone who died in the various wars were Christian... which is obviously false.
To pile stupidity upon idiocy, both the individuals who removed the cross, and those who felt it important to re-install it, had to navigate through crevasses and rocks that are know to harbor tons of rattlesnakes.
So, let's make this clear. A simple silly symbol was constructed to honor dead veterans, the VFW assumed that everyone was a Christian (stupid), it was taken down by people who were risking rattlesnake bites/death (and who most likely weren't Christian).
Then, this silly symbol gone missing inspired another group of idiots (who were Christian) to traipse through the same rattlesnake infested area in the dark, to put up another pointless cross.
Religious or not, this is ridiculous... yes? Vote on the right ---->>>>
The cross was originally erected in 1934 by a group of men from the Veterans of Foreign Wars (VFW) as a war memorial. Apparently they assumed that everyone who died in the various wars were Christian... which is obviously false.
To pile stupidity upon idiocy, both the individuals who removed the cross, and those who felt it important to re-install it, had to navigate through crevasses and rocks that are know to harbor tons of rattlesnakes.
So, let's make this clear. A simple silly symbol was constructed to honor dead veterans, the VFW assumed that everyone was a Christian (stupid), it was taken down by people who were risking rattlesnake bites/death (and who most likely weren't Christian).
Then, this silly symbol gone missing inspired another group of idiots (who were Christian) to traipse through the same rattlesnake infested area in the dark, to put up another pointless cross.
Religious or not, this is ridiculous... yes? Vote on the right ---->>>>
5.20.2010
5.19.2010
Something Corporate Reunion Tour !!!
OH BOY!!! NEW TOUR AND .... 1 new song (5 previously unreleased)
If you like Something Corporate, make sure to see them during their reunion tour this summer:
Aug 2 - Minneapolis, MN - Cabooze Plaza
Aug 3 - Milwaukee, WI - The Rave
Aug 4 - St Louis, MO - The Pageant
Aug 6 - Detroit, MI - Fillmore
Aug 7 - Toronto, ON - Kool Haus
Aug 8 - Philadelphia, PA - Great Plaza @ Penn's Landing
Aug 10 - Washington, DC - 9:30 Club
Aug 11 - Washington, DC - 9:30 Club
Aug 12 - Boston, MA - House of Blues
Aug 13 - New York, NY - Roseland
Aug 15 - Atlanta, GA - Masquerade
Aug 16 - Orlando, FL - House of Blues
Aug 18 - Dallas, TX - House of Blues
Aug 19 - Kansas City, MO - Uptown Theater
Aug 21 - Salt Lake City, UT - In The Venue
Aug 22 : Phoenix, AZ - Marquee Theatre
Aug 24 - San Francisco, CA - Warfield
Aug 27 - Anaheim, CA - The Grove
Aug 28 - Los Angeles, CA - Club Nokia
NEW CD 'Played In Space'
If you like Something Corporate, make sure to see them during their reunion tour this summer:
Aug 2 - Minneapolis, MN - Cabooze Plaza
Aug 3 - Milwaukee, WI - The Rave
Aug 4 - St Louis, MO - The Pageant
Aug 6 - Detroit, MI - Fillmore
Aug 7 - Toronto, ON - Kool Haus
Aug 8 - Philadelphia, PA - Great Plaza @ Penn's Landing
Aug 10 - Washington, DC - 9:30 Club
Aug 11 - Washington, DC - 9:30 Club
Aug 12 - Boston, MA - House of Blues
Aug 13 - New York, NY - Roseland
Aug 15 - Atlanta, GA - Masquerade
Aug 16 - Orlando, FL - House of Blues
Aug 18 - Dallas, TX - House of Blues
Aug 19 - Kansas City, MO - Uptown Theater
Aug 21 - Salt Lake City, UT - In The Venue
Aug 22 : Phoenix, AZ - Marquee Theatre
Aug 24 - San Francisco, CA - Warfield
Aug 27 - Anaheim, CA - The Grove
Aug 28 - Los Angeles, CA - Club Nokia
NEW CD 'Played In Space'
Six years after the last release, we finally have 1 new song (Watch The Sky) from Something Corporate on: Played in Space : The Best of Something Corporate. It's a two disc release that includes the following:
| 1. | "Space" | Josh Partington | 2:56 | ||||||
| 2. | "I Woke Up In A Car" | Andrew McMahon | 4:14 | ||||||
| 3. | "She Paints Me Blue" | Andrew McMahon | 3:39 | ||||||
| 4. | "Hurricane" | Josh Partington | 3:53 | ||||||
| 5. | "Me and the Moon" | Andrew McMahon | 4:11 | ||||||
| 6. | "Fall" | Josh Partington | 3:44 | ||||||
| 7. | "Ruthless" | Andrew McMahon | 3:27 | ||||||
| 8. | "I Want To Save You" | Andrew McMahon | 4:27 | ||||||
| 9. | "Cavanaugh Park" | Andrew McMahon | 4:25 | ||||||
| 10. | "If You C Jordan" | Andrew McMahon | 4:18 | ||||||
| 11. | "Down" | Andrew McMahon | 3:34 | ||||||
| 12. | "Punk Rock Princess" | Andrew McMahon | 3:53 | ||||||
| 13. | "Walking By" | Andrew McMahon | 4:30 | ||||||
| 14. | "The Astronaut" | Andrew McMahon | 4:33 | ||||||
| 55:42 | |||||||||
Disc Two
| No. | Title | Writer(s) | Length |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1. | "Konstantine (Previously Unreleased)" | Andrew McMahon | 9:37 |
| 2. | "Watch The Sky (Previously Unreleased)" | Andrew McMahon | 2:56 |
| 3. | "Forget December (New Exclusive Mix)" | Josh Partington | 3:12 |
| 4. | "I Woke Up In A Car (Adam Young Mix)" | Andrew McMahon | 4:08 |
| 5. | "Letters To Noelle (iTunes Store Exclusive)" | Andrew McMahon | 4:22 |
| 6. | "Wait (New Recording)" |
5.18.2010
Man Kicked Out of Barnes & Noble for Reading Out Loud
(Westchester, PA) A local man was kicked out of the area Barnes & Noble for reading Moby Dick at an intolerably loud volume.
Jack Wellington, an 86-year-old former English teacher, was forcefully removed from the large chain bookstore after being warned several times to "quiet down" by part-time associate Debra Dunleavy and several co-workers.
"At first I was nice and asked him quietly to stop what he was doing, because he was so old," said Dunleavy, "but then he looked at me like I was crazy, and by the 3rd or 4th time warning him I had had it."
Dunleavy then found assistant manager Micheal Philsmoore and informed him of the escalating issue.
"At first I thought she was kidding, because we like to have a good time at the store, but then I walked up to him and he gave me that same 'what the hell are you staring at' look that Debra had described."
Philsmoore told reporters that he wasn't even that mad until Wellington began to increase his volume.
"It was like he was mocking me. The old bastard wouldn't quit."
Afraid that he would cause more of a scene, Philsmoore brought head manager Veronica Sanchez over to the man, who in the interim 3 minutes had somehow managed to acquire and nearly finish a grande latte from the in-house Starbucks.
"He was clearly wired," stated Sanchez. "At this point Wellington was practically shouting."
"ENTERING THAT GABLE-ENDED SPOUTER-INN, YOU FOUND YOURSELF IN A WIDE, LOW STRAGGLING ENTRY WITH OLD-FASHIONED WAINSCOTS, REMINDING ONE OF THE BULWARKS OF SOME CONDEMNED OLD CRAFT," the man hollered.
"And how the hell he managed to get to page 1, chapter 3 of Moby Dick without us already kicking him out is beyond me," said a bewildered Sanchez.
At that point Philsmoore and Sanchez attempted to take the book from the man's hands.
"You'd think that it would be easy to pry a hardcover from the grip of an 89-year-old man, but he was fast!" exclaimed Dunleavy.
Wellington then made a dash for the nearby upward escalator. The whole while continuing to read the novel and increasing his volume to the point where everyone in the store could now hear the commotion.
"That's when it got ugly," said Sanchez. "He tripped on his way up the escalator and ended up face-down, yet somehow, feet first, while ascending the escalator. And he was STILL reading!"
"UPON ENTERING THE PLACE I FOUND A NUMBER OF YOUNG SEAMEN GATHERED ABOUT A TABLE, EXAMINING BY A DIM LIGHT DIVERSE SPECIMENS OF SKRIMSHANDER," Wellington shrieked.
By the time the old man reached the top of the escalator, there were three mall security guards waiting for him.
Westchester Police confirm that Wellington is being charged with disorderly conduct after he received two warnings in previous months for shouting the lines from the Kama Sutra in Borders, and yelling phrases from Adolph Hitler's Mein Kampf in a private Jewish-owned library.
Jack Wellington, an 86-year-old former English teacher, was forcefully removed from the large chain bookstore after being warned several times to "quiet down" by part-time associate Debra Dunleavy and several co-workers.
"At first I was nice and asked him quietly to stop what he was doing, because he was so old," said Dunleavy, "but then he looked at me like I was crazy, and by the 3rd or 4th time warning him I had had it."
Dunleavy then found assistant manager Micheal Philsmoore and informed him of the escalating issue.
"At first I thought she was kidding, because we like to have a good time at the store, but then I walked up to him and he gave me that same 'what the hell are you staring at' look that Debra had described."
Philsmoore told reporters that he wasn't even that mad until Wellington began to increase his volume.
"It was like he was mocking me. The old bastard wouldn't quit."
Afraid that he would cause more of a scene, Philsmoore brought head manager Veronica Sanchez over to the man, who in the interim 3 minutes had somehow managed to acquire and nearly finish a grande latte from the in-house Starbucks.
"He was clearly wired," stated Sanchez. "At this point Wellington was practically shouting."
"ENTERING THAT GABLE-ENDED SPOUTER-INN, YOU FOUND YOURSELF IN A WIDE, LOW STRAGGLING ENTRY WITH OLD-FASHIONED WAINSCOTS, REMINDING ONE OF THE BULWARKS OF SOME CONDEMNED OLD CRAFT," the man hollered.
"And how the hell he managed to get to page 1, chapter 3 of Moby Dick without us already kicking him out is beyond me," said a bewildered Sanchez.
At that point Philsmoore and Sanchez attempted to take the book from the man's hands.
"You'd think that it would be easy to pry a hardcover from the grip of an 89-year-old man, but he was fast!" exclaimed Dunleavy.
Wellington then made a dash for the nearby upward escalator. The whole while continuing to read the novel and increasing his volume to the point where everyone in the store could now hear the commotion.
"That's when it got ugly," said Sanchez. "He tripped on his way up the escalator and ended up face-down, yet somehow, feet first, while ascending the escalator. And he was STILL reading!"
"UPON ENTERING THE PLACE I FOUND A NUMBER OF YOUNG SEAMEN GATHERED ABOUT A TABLE, EXAMINING BY A DIM LIGHT DIVERSE SPECIMENS OF SKRIMSHANDER," Wellington shrieked.
By the time the old man reached the top of the escalator, there were three mall security guards waiting for him.
Westchester Police confirm that Wellington is being charged with disorderly conduct after he received two warnings in previous months for shouting the lines from the Kama Sutra in Borders, and yelling phrases from Adolph Hitler's Mein Kampf in a private Jewish-owned library.
New iPhone Application Encourages Users to Drive Drunk
In what can only be called a stunning release, Apple announced it's newest application today, the "Driving While Inspired" program (D.W.I.), which, when engaged, encourages inebriated individuals to get into a vehicle and drive.
The "App" (if you will) was designed by a Christian group that cites several Bible verses for the new creation's inspiration.
Group leader, Samuel Jorgenson, defended the application.
"The Bible strongly encourages drinking alcohol," said Jorgenson, "Jesus, our Lord Himself liked to get drunk with sinners as He preached the gospel of salvation to them."
" I mean, c'mon, Matthew 11:19: The Son of Man came eating and drinking. Case closed."
The program, which offers tips and spiritual support, has many helpful functions.
For example, it can read your B.A.C. and record it on any day, at any time. Using this data, it can later help you to work up the courage to drive.
"You pussy, you've been more drunk before," the app says (citing specific dates and times) when it overhears friends trying to convince you to not get behind the wheel.
Not only that, once you get into your car, the application gives you active tips on how to improve your driving.
"You are swerving," the program warns, " try closing one eye."
Additionally, there are several celebrity voice options to choose from, such as: Mel Gibson, Betty White and Lindsey Lohan, to name a few.
While driving, your phone will tell you how many miles you have left to your destination, all the while, reciting pro-drinking Bible passages and letting you know if there are any cops in the area.
So far, Jorgenson says that the most downloaded verse is Mark 7: 17-23.
"Our Savior proclaimed that drinking alcohol can't make a person unclean." He slurred, "Because we are better than that."
Clumsily opening his world's best seller and most stolen hard cover, Jorgenson's breath soaked the room with the scent of Gin, reading, "Are you so dull?” Jesus asked. “Don't you see that nothing that enters a man from the outside can make him unclean!? For it does not go into his heart but into his stomach, and then out of his body."
Pausing to take a shot, he continued "So Jesus declared all foods and drinks to be clean, and he even talked about pooping... did you catch that?"
For just $9.99 users can get an iPhone attachment which conveniently conceals an extra car key when friends take your primary set away.
The "App" (if you will) was designed by a Christian group that cites several Bible verses for the new creation's inspiration.
Group leader, Samuel Jorgenson, defended the application.
"The Bible strongly encourages drinking alcohol," said Jorgenson, "Jesus, our Lord Himself liked to get drunk with sinners as He preached the gospel of salvation to them."
" I mean, c'mon, Matthew 11:19: The Son of Man came eating and drinking. Case closed."
The program, which offers tips and spiritual support, has many helpful functions.
For example, it can read your B.A.C. and record it on any day, at any time. Using this data, it can later help you to work up the courage to drive.
"You pussy, you've been more drunk before," the app says (citing specific dates and times) when it overhears friends trying to convince you to not get behind the wheel.
Not only that, once you get into your car, the application gives you active tips on how to improve your driving.
"You are swerving," the program warns, " try closing one eye."
Additionally, there are several celebrity voice options to choose from, such as: Mel Gibson, Betty White and Lindsey Lohan, to name a few.
While driving, your phone will tell you how many miles you have left to your destination, all the while, reciting pro-drinking Bible passages and letting you know if there are any cops in the area.
So far, Jorgenson says that the most downloaded verse is Mark 7: 17-23.
"Our Savior proclaimed that drinking alcohol can't make a person unclean." He slurred, "Because we are better than that."
Clumsily opening his world's best seller and most stolen hard cover, Jorgenson's breath soaked the room with the scent of Gin, reading, "Are you so dull?” Jesus asked. “Don't you see that nothing that enters a man from the outside can make him unclean!? For it does not go into his heart but into his stomach, and then out of his body."
Pausing to take a shot, he continued "So Jesus declared all foods and drinks to be clean, and he even talked about pooping... did you catch that?"
For just $9.99 users can get an iPhone attachment which conveniently conceals an extra car key when friends take your primary set away.
5.16.2010
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5.15.2010
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5.14.2010
Sexy American Politics: Short Stories of Untold Hook-ups
Politics and sex go hand in hand like a lonely person, genitals and pornography.
But did you know that many famous political figures have had sex with each other? True story.
Unlikely hook-up #1: Ronald Reagan and George W. Bush.
"For seven and a half years I've worked alongside President Reagan. We've had triumphs. Made some mistakes. We've had some sex...uh...setbacks." --President George H.W. Bush
The bromance lasted until Bush began to complain to about Reagan's in-bed "trickle down on your face while you are sleeping" effect. Not because Bush didn't like it, just because Reagan stopped doing it after one year.
Not to mention the outrage caused by Reagan's gang-bang affair with an entire terrorist group in Iran.
Unlikely hook-up #2: God and Jimmy Carter.
"I've looked on many women with lust. I've committed adultery in my heart many times. God knows I will do this and he forgives me." –-President Jimmy Carter, Playboy Magazine
When God first started dating Jimmy Carter, little Jimmy was only 4 years old, which might seem wrong, but Carter's parents introduced the two.
Although former President Carter was in a secret gay relationship with God, he definitely was not a 'power bottom.'
When asked about his preferences, Carter angrily shouted "Aggression unopposed becomes a contagious disease."
When the former President got married to cover up his homosexual relationship with God, he later made it clear that he was not happy with what he had to do to become the leader of the free world.
"I have often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming."
Unlikely Relationship #3: ... to be continued...
But did you know that many famous political figures have had sex with each other? True story.
Unlikely hook-up #1: Ronald Reagan and George W. Bush.
"For seven and a half years I've worked alongside President Reagan. We've had triumphs. Made some mistakes. We've had some sex...uh...setbacks." --President George H.W. Bush
The bromance lasted until Bush began to complain to about Reagan's in-bed "trickle down on your face while you are sleeping" effect. Not because Bush didn't like it, just because Reagan stopped doing it after one year.
Not to mention the outrage caused by Reagan's gang-bang affair with an entire terrorist group in Iran.
Unlikely hook-up #2: God and Jimmy Carter.
"I've looked on many women with lust. I've committed adultery in my heart many times. God knows I will do this and he forgives me." –-President Jimmy Carter, Playboy Magazine
When God first started dating Jimmy Carter, little Jimmy was only 4 years old, which might seem wrong, but Carter's parents introduced the two.
Although former President Carter was in a secret gay relationship with God, he definitely was not a 'power bottom.'
When asked about his preferences, Carter angrily shouted "Aggression unopposed becomes a contagious disease."
When the former President got married to cover up his homosexual relationship with God, he later made it clear that he was not happy with what he had to do to become the leader of the free world.
"I have often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming."
Unlikely Relationship #3: ... to be continued...
5.12.2010
Manchester Orchestra: I Can Feel A Hot One
One of my best friends I've ever had, and who was easily the nicest guy I have ever met, died yesterday after a simple infection took an unforeseen turn for the worst.
When I first went to work after hearing the extent of the infection they sent me home because I couldn't keep my composure. I suppose that on the way there I was still in shock, and it didn't hit me until I actually verbalized the emotions. Then it became real. I don't remember crying that hard in years.
He will be terribly missed by oh so many people.
For whatever reason, the only song since that has been stuck in my head has been 'I Can Feel A Hot One' by Manchester Orchestra. The lyrics are barely even related, but definitely sad and reflective. A beautiful and sad song.
Since this blog is RPMS, I thought I would share the music video. I think that every time I hear this song, it will remind me of what happened yesterday.
He sounds vivid acoustic as well:
When I first went to work after hearing the extent of the infection they sent me home because I couldn't keep my composure. I suppose that on the way there I was still in shock, and it didn't hit me until I actually verbalized the emotions. Then it became real. I don't remember crying that hard in years.
He will be terribly missed by oh so many people.
For whatever reason, the only song since that has been stuck in my head has been 'I Can Feel A Hot One' by Manchester Orchestra. The lyrics are barely even related, but definitely sad and reflective. A beautiful and sad song.
Since this blog is RPMS, I thought I would share the music video. I think that every time I hear this song, it will remind me of what happened yesterday.
He sounds vivid acoustic as well:
Idiot America: Book Review
Having said that, Charle's P. Pierce's book helps to explain why this country has fallen to such a stupendous low when it comes to intellect, religious & scientific views and, of course, politics. It delves into the lameness of most people's 'reasoning' for what they believe, why they believe it, and how they vote.
Pierce even takes a brief moment to give reality TV shows (and the unrealistic drama '24') the mockery that they deserve.
I mean, what have we come to when a Supreme Court Justice (Anthony Scalia) cites '24' as a reason to support torture? How did we appoint someone to such a high court who asks, while deciding landmark cases, WWJD, What Would Jack Bauer Do?
-Side note, how ridiculous was it when politicians and news pundits were saying that Jack Bauer would have found the terrorist behind the failed Times Square bombing in, get this, 24 hours... not the 50 some odd hours it took REAL PEOPLE. What kind of blurry fake world do they live in. It would be one thing if they were kidding.-
Jack Bauer nonsense aside, Pierce shows how much of America votes from, what he calls "The Gut." Which is to say that it doesn't matter what the facts are, just what sells and what is convenient or makes us feel comfortable.
He also introduces The Three Great Premises to show how people buy into crap that is just that, crap:
"Since (right-wing) populism has at its heart an "anti-elitist" distrust of expertise, talk radio offers the purest example of the Three Great Premises at work.
A host is not judged a success by his command of the issues, but purely by whether what he says moves the ratings needle.
*First Great Premise: Any theory is valid if it moves units.
-If the needle moves enough, then the host is adjudged an expert.
*Second Great Premise: Anything can be true if someone says it loudly enough
And if the host seems to argue passionately enough, then what he is saying is judged to be true simply because of how many people are listening to him say it.
*Third Great Premise: Fact is that which enough people believe. Truth is measured by how fervently they believe it."
- Charles P. Pierce,Idiot America: How Stupidity Became a Virtue in the Land of the Free
I will leave it at this: It's a great book filed with various topics from Terri Schiavo to 9/11, global warming to the Iraq War, and elections down to creationism... to name a few.
4.25.2010
The Bible Never Condemns Homosexuality
The Bible Never Condemns Homosexuality
Analyzing the Bible: Textual Interpretations on Homosexuality
Revolutionary, inventor, and writer Thomas Paine once said, “The Bible is a book that has been read more and examined less than any book that ever existed.” The Bible is the number one best-selling book of all time. It is the moral guide for over thirty percent of the world, or nearly two billion people (Encyclopedia Britannica, 2005).
Through the reading of this highly regarded text, a major ethical debate has been raised by Christians as to whether or not homosexuality is a sin. In this piece, one will find that the passages of the Bible are not black and white, written in plain English, or readily accessible to the everyday reader. There are many obstacles to reading and truly understanding the Bible. Misconstrued translations, language barriers, and biased opinions are just a few of the quagmires one faces that can muddle the words and comprehension of this monumental literary work. It is the purpose of this paper to show that a textual analysis of the Bible reveals that Christians cannot successfully condemn homosexuals by repeating biblical passages and using the Bible’s words as weapons.
By simply asking around one will find that the vast majority of Christians believe that the Bible condemns homosexuality. Indeed, “some people take this to mean that the Bible justifies hatred and cruelty to gays and lesbians” (Helminiak, 12). The Bible itself says that “God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral” and the church has spoken out labeling homosexuality a sexually immoral item (Hebrews 13:4 King James Version). Hence, we will first take a look at selected passages from the Bible, analyze them, and determine where the church gains its footing on this issue and what the actual words could possibly mean.
Genesis, chapter 19, verses 1 to 11 tells us the famous story of Sodom and Gomorrah:
And there came two angels to Sodom at even; and Lot sat in the gate of Sodom: and Lot seeing them rose up to meet them; and he bowed himself with his face toward the ground; And he said, Behold now, my lords, turn in, I pray you, into your servant's house, and tarry all night, and wash your feet, and ye shall rise up early, and go on your ways. And they said, Nay; but we will abide in the street all night. And he pressed upon them greatly; and they turned in unto him, and entered into his house; and he made them a feast, and did bake unleavened bread, and they did eat. But before they lay down, the men of the city, even the men of Sodom, compassed the house round, both old and young, all the people from every quarter: And they called unto Lot, and said unto him, Where are the men which came in to thee this night? bring them out unto us, that we may know them. And Lot went out at the door unto them, and shut the door after him, And said, I pray you, brethren, do not so wickedly. Behold now, I have two daughters which have not known man; let me, I pray you, bring them out unto you, and do ye to them as is good in your eyes: only unto these men do nothing; for therefore came they under the shadow of my roof. And they said, Stand back. And they said again, This one fellow came in to sojourn, and he will needs be a judge: now will we deal worse with thee, than with them. And they pressed sore upon the man, even Lot, and came near to break the door. But the men put forth their hand, and pulled Lot into the house to them, and shut to the door. And they smote the men that were at the door of the house with blindness, both small and great: so that they wearied themselves to find the door (Geneis 19: 1-11 King James Version).
The story of Sodom and Gomorrah is one of the most cited pieces by Christians who use the Bible to condemn homosexuality. If one continues to read this passage they find that God destroys the whole city for its wicked ways. The story itself “reads like a plot summary for the latest macho, sexist, rape-and-pillage, straight-from-hell home video rental.” By simply going to church and listening to preachers one might gather that this story is all about male on male sex (Comstock, 41).
Today we can see this story in our everyday vocabulary, in fact, “the very word ‘sodomite’ was taken to refer to someone who engages in anal sex, and the sin of Sodom was taken to be male homogenital acts” (Helminiak, 36).
Admittedly, the phrase “to know” is generally accepted, in biblical terms, to mean “to have sex with.” However, this is not always the case, and thus, one can read this story in a few different ways.
A simple way of reading the story is to consider that the people of Sodom simply wanted to know who the strangers in there town were and what they were doing there. Since Lot was already considered an alien and an outsider in the town, it is very possible that they were discriminating against him and his guests for this sole reason. Additionally, it is important to realize that his story has to, at the very least, be about abuse. The townspeople were acting threateningly toward Lot and, many argue, they were seeking to abuse or beat up his visitors.
Even if we do assume that this story is about male-male sexual contact, the actual act that would be taking place is male-male rape, not consensual sex. It is important to note that in those times, male-male rape was an act of dominance usually carried out after victory in war. Hence, it would be fair to say that this attempted act of male-male rape (if this is truly what the story portrays), is actually condemning rape, not a loving relationship between two males.
Overall, the sin that is marked as reproachable in the story of Sodom and Gomorrah cannot be that of having a loving same-sex sexual encounter. One can say that the story punishes abuse, inhospitality to strangers, or even violence; however, this story cannot be used to be a modern moral compass for sexual behavior. This is made clear by the fact that Lot himself offers his two daughters to the hostile townspeople for sexual purposes. If one is going to try to use this story to condemn one type of sexual act, then they are missing the glaring point that this passage “is not sexual ethics” (Helminiak, 39). The bottom line here is that, “What is contemplated in the story of Sodom and Gomorrah is not consensual sex between people of the same gender, but rape of visitors who have become guests of a resident alien” (Sands, 175).
Furthermore, there are other passages of the Bible that state what the actual sin in the Sodom story is. The prophet Ezekiel states, “This was the guilt of your sister Sodom: she and her daughters had pride, surfeit of food and prosperous ease, but did not aid the poor and needy.” Note how nowhere in that passage is homosexuality brought to point. Yet today we still are told that Sodom was destroyed for its sexual deviance (Ezekiel, 16:48-49 King James Version).
Even in the Book of Wisdom the sin of Sodom is depicted as “bitter hatred of strangers,” and “making slaves of guests who were benefactors” (Wisdom 19:13 King James Version). The notion of making people into slaves can very well be construed to mean sexual slaves; however, once again, we find no mention of consensual male on male sexual intercourse.
Jesus himself even mentions Sodom in the lines of Matthew’s Gospels, once again we find that there is no talk, whatsoever, about sexual practices:
Whatever town or village you enter, find out who in it is worthy, and stay there until you leave…If any one will not welcome you or listen to your words, shake off the dust from your feet as you leave that house or town. Truly I tell you, it will be more tolerable for the land of Sodom and Gomorrah on the day of judgment than for that town (Matthew 10:5-15 King James Version).
Jesus focused on hospitality just as the previous passages above did. Search as one might through the Bible for links between Sodom and Gomorrah and homosexual sin, it can not be found. Even when reading further on into the Bible, references to the story of Sodom that can be found in Jeremiah 23:14, Zephanian 2:8-11, and Isaiah 1:10-17 and 3:9 (King James Version). The only sins that are articulated in these passages “are injustice, oppression, partiality, adultery, lies and encouraging evildoers. Adultery is the only sexual sin in that list, and even in this case, sex itself is not the concern” (Helminiak, 41).
Also, one should note the attitudinal differences between today’s Christians and the actions of Jesus Christ. Jesus’ “attitude toward those who offended the norm was one of compassion and forgiveness, e.g., toward the woman about to be stoned for adultery” (Nugent, 83).
The very fact that we see outspoken Christians belittling and condemning homosexuals brings to mind two related quotes. One line from Jesus himself, stating, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone…” (John 8:7 King James Version). And another saying from Gandhi in which he said, “I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”
The next biblical readings that are often utilized in the Christian condemnation of homosexuality are found within Leviticus and they read:
“Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination” (Leviticus 18:22). “If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them” (Leviticus 20:13 King James Version).
To properly analyze this part of the Bible we must understand what section of the Bible this was written in. This area of Leviticus is called “The Holiness Code.” Within this area of the Bible are listed “laws and punishments” required in order for “Israel to remain holy in God’s sight.” The chief concern of The Holiness Code was to “keep Israel different from Gentiles.” Perhaps most importantly, this section of Leviticus is prefaced with the lines, “You shall not do as they do in the land of Egypt, where you lived, and you shall not do as they do in the land of Canaan.” This phrase is then followed by the list of laws that include prohibitions on what were essentially religious rituals carried out by the Canaanites in Egypt.
Hence, it can be said that The Holiness Code found in Leviticus “prohibits male same-sex acts because of religious considerations, not because of sexual ones.” Same-sex relations were associated with the pagan rituals of the Canaanites; therefore, it was banned in order to distinguish Judaism from Gentile characteristics. The reasoning for this is not morally or ethically based. The “Hebrew Testament certainly did forbid male homogenital activity, its reasons for forbidding it have no bearing on today’s discussion on homosexuality” and can be compared to today’s notion of not eating meat of Fridays (Helminiak, 47). There is nothing wrong with eating meat on Friday in and of itself; rather, the church happens to have some distinctive rituals that have fizzled out over time.
It is also worth investigating what the word “abomination” truly means in the Bible. Leviticus also provides an answer to that question:
Ye shall therefore put difference between clean beasts and unclean, and between unclean fowls and clean: and ye shall not make your souls abominable by beast, or by fowl, or by any manner of living thing that creepeth on the ground, which I have separated from you as unclean (Leviticus 20: 25-26 King James Version)
It quickly becomes apparent that “abominable” is a synonym for “unclean.” This should be clear to anyone who is familiar with purity laws of the Old Testament, some of which many practicing Jews still follow today. Hence, if Christians today would like to use these passages from Leviticus to condemn homosexuals, they should first make sure that they are not an abomination themselves for: eating pigs, lobsters, or shrimp, mixing two types of seeds in a field (or perhaps a garden), or wearing clothing made of more than one type of fiber (to name a few). Additionally, purity rules make women a temporary abomination during their menstrual cycle or giving birth, men after seminal emission and everyone after attending a burial (Helminiak, 48).
Religion and our society teach us that certain things are gross, unclean, dirty, or wrong. It is imperative to become conscious that just because some people are religiously trained to believe that something is disgusting or dirty does not mean that it is wrong. Often times children are taught that sex is a taboo topic, and since we learn from a young age that we are not supposed to do things that are wrong, or say things that are gross, sex becomes something seen as dirty, impure, and wrong; when in fact it is not. The same can be said about and applied to homosexuality. Since people have repeatedly misinterpreted what the Bible actually says about this topic, there is no surprise that prevailing religious notions and uncleanly connotations are attached to homosexuality as a whole.
Finally, we will take a look at the sole New Testament that appears to express disapproval of homosexuality. The lines of interest are found in Romans through the writings of Paul and they read as follows:
For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who hold the truth in unrighteousness; Because that which may be known of God is manifest in them; for God hath shewed it unto them. For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse: Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened. Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools, And changed the glory of the uncorruptible God into an image made like to corruptible man, and to birds, and fourfooted beasts, and creeping things. Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves: Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen. For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is unnatural: And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet. And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers, Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, Without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful: Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them (Romans 1:18-32 King James Version).
The above words, for most anti-homosexual Christians, would seem enough to send any lesbian woman or gay man to eternal damnation. However, there is a language barrier in the translation and interpretation of the text that allows for such a conclusion to be reached. The original Greek words that translated to “unnatural” are “para physin.” The physin part which was translated to mean “natural” can actually have numerous meanings.
Paul himself used this word to describe several different subject matters including: Jews by birth, those who are physically uncircumcised and those who instinctively do what the law requires. Additionally, the same word, physin, is used to say that “beings by nature (physei) are not gods,” and in Paul’s question “Does not nature (physis) itself teach you that if a man wears long hair, it is degrading to him?” (Helminiak, 64).
The Greek word para is most frequently interpreted to mean “beside,” “more than,” “over and above” or “beyond.” However, in some situations, para can mean “contrary to.” So, indeed para physin might also be translated to mean “contrary to nature.” Nonetheless, a “historical-critical study of the Bible” and its proper translation says otherwise. The way that Paul uses this term and the way that he does so consistently throughout his writings would say that para physis means “unexpectedly” or “in an unusual way” (Helminiak, 65).
Overall, this would mean that the sexual practices described were not intentionally sinful or willful acts that purposefully went against God. Rather, interpreting Paul’s usage of para physis correctly leaves a reader with a different understanding altogether. Re-reading with this in mind, one gets the feeling that the actions of these people were “different from what one would generally expect,” atypical or unusual, but not sinful (Helminiak, 65).
In looking at the Bible as a whole, the passages that supposedly forbid homosexual activity are few and far between. The pieces, discussed and dissected above, have fallen apart into what most people could write off as misinterpretations; be it willful or otherwise. It is very interesting that the Church would take so much time to single out this one type of “sin” and preach against it; especially when the condemnations cannot withstand scrutiny. There are so many other transgressions that are more frequently and vehemently lamented in the Bible than homosexuality, one cannot help but wonder what the Church’s fascination is with this topic.
Some preachers and religious figures are so obsessed with homosexuality that they make it into the limelight with their denunciations of it. Fundamentalist Baptist Jerry Falwell has long spoken out against gays as “the apotheosis of America’s supposed devolution into wickedness, even blaming them for the terrorist attacks of 11 September 2001” (Thumma, 367). Falwell has also been quoted as saying that “AIDS is not just God’s punishment for homosexuals; it is God’s punishment for the society that tolerates homosexuals” (Dawkins, 289).
Ironically, the Catholic Church has more recently been revealed as being frequented by homosexual priests in its ranks. Indeed, “Priests, it turns out, have bodies, and many –not just Catholics either- use their bodies sexually in ways that may or may not be officially sanctioned” (Thumma, 372). Often times the same people condemning homosexual behavior are the same ones who are partaking in the festivities. The name Ted Haggard comes to mind.
All of these arguments against homosexuality which appear to be based in holy God-inspired biblical passages turn out to be based in nothing more than fear tactics and illogical biblically-based lies. Clichés such as, “The Bible says so” should not be enough to stop people from questioning once they realize that they have been fed false interpretations to begin with.
Yet another hollow argument used by the Church is seen in its Letter on the Pastoral Care of Homosexual Persons written by the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith in 1986. Here the Church “censures same-sex genital acts on the grounds that they are ‘against the Creator’s sexual design’ due to ‘not being able to transmit life’” (Badgett, 213). One should immediately be curious as to why the Church does not then prevent sterile individuals from having sexual contact. Moreover, one would expect that the Church should run an equally strict campaign against condom usage as it does in opposition to homosexuals.
It is clear that many Christians have been led to believe that homosexuality is “an affront to their religious views” (Boushka, 185). Yet, perhaps it is time to realize that the true and tangible offense is that they have been misled by their own Christian leaders. Entire stories from the Bible are taken by priests in the Church and then twisted in order to condemn homosexuals, rather then spread the story’s true message. Biblical interpretations that lead people to believe that homosexuality is an “abomination” in the literal English sense are simply false. Indeed, the real issues at hand are Old Testament purity laws which are no longer followed. Additionally, incorrect translations of key words from their original language into English have also led to unnecessary confusion.
All of these misleading teachings have only worked to push homosexuals away from the Church. Whole congregations are being lied to; be it willfully or otherwise. These messages of damnation and hate create an unforgiving atmosphere for homosexuals and cause Christians to treat others in ways that Jesus, according to the grapevine, never would.
Undoubtedly, a textual analysis of the Bible reveals that the Christian condemnation of homosexuality is unwarranted and baseless. Perhaps the Austrian economist and philosopher Ludwig von Mises put it best when he said, “Each epoch has found in the Gospels what it sought to find there, and has overlooked what it wished to overlook.”
Works Cited
Badgett, Lee. Sexual Orientation Discrimination: An International Perspective. New York, NY: Routledge, 2007.
Boushka, Bill. Teenage Sexuality: Opposing Viewpoints. Farmington Hills, Michigan: Greenhaven Press, 2006.
Comstock, Gary David. Gay Theology without Apology. Cleveland, Ohio: Pilgrim Press, 1993.
Dawkins, Richard. The God Delusion. New York, NY: Houghton Mifflin Co., 2006.
“Christianity and the Religions of the World.” Encyclopedia Britannica. 2008. Encyclopedia Britannica Online. 11 May. 2008 http://www.britannica.com/EBchecked/topic/115614/Christianity-and-the-Re....
Helminiak, Daniel A. Ph.D. What the Bible Really Says About Homosexuality: Recent Findings by Top Scholars Offer a Radical New View. San Fransisco, California: Alamo Square Press, 1994.
Nugent, Robert. A Challenge to Love: Gay and Lesbian Catholics in the Church. New York, NY: The Crossroad Publishing Co., 1989.
Sands, Kathleen M.God Forbid: Religion and Sex in American Public Life. New York, NY: Oxford University Press, 2000
The King James Version of the Bible was originally published in 1611.
Thuma, Scott. Gay Religion. Landham, Maryland: Rownman & Littlefield, 2005.
Analyzing the Bible: Textual Interpretations on Homosexuality
Revolutionary, inventor, and writer Thomas Paine once said, “The Bible is a book that has been read more and examined less than any book that ever existed.” The Bible is the number one best-selling book of all time. It is the moral guide for over thirty percent of the world, or nearly two billion people (Encyclopedia Britannica, 2005).
Through the reading of this highly regarded text, a major ethical debate has been raised by Christians as to whether or not homosexuality is a sin. In this piece, one will find that the passages of the Bible are not black and white, written in plain English, or readily accessible to the everyday reader. There are many obstacles to reading and truly understanding the Bible. Misconstrued translations, language barriers, and biased opinions are just a few of the quagmires one faces that can muddle the words and comprehension of this monumental literary work. It is the purpose of this paper to show that a textual analysis of the Bible reveals that Christians cannot successfully condemn homosexuals by repeating biblical passages and using the Bible’s words as weapons.
By simply asking around one will find that the vast majority of Christians believe that the Bible condemns homosexuality. Indeed, “some people take this to mean that the Bible justifies hatred and cruelty to gays and lesbians” (Helminiak, 12). The Bible itself says that “God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral” and the church has spoken out labeling homosexuality a sexually immoral item (Hebrews 13:4 King James Version). Hence, we will first take a look at selected passages from the Bible, analyze them, and determine where the church gains its footing on this issue and what the actual words could possibly mean.
Genesis, chapter 19, verses 1 to 11 tells us the famous story of Sodom and Gomorrah:
And there came two angels to Sodom at even; and Lot sat in the gate of Sodom: and Lot seeing them rose up to meet them; and he bowed himself with his face toward the ground; And he said, Behold now, my lords, turn in, I pray you, into your servant's house, and tarry all night, and wash your feet, and ye shall rise up early, and go on your ways. And they said, Nay; but we will abide in the street all night. And he pressed upon them greatly; and they turned in unto him, and entered into his house; and he made them a feast, and did bake unleavened bread, and they did eat. But before they lay down, the men of the city, even the men of Sodom, compassed the house round, both old and young, all the people from every quarter: And they called unto Lot, and said unto him, Where are the men which came in to thee this night? bring them out unto us, that we may know them. And Lot went out at the door unto them, and shut the door after him, And said, I pray you, brethren, do not so wickedly. Behold now, I have two daughters which have not known man; let me, I pray you, bring them out unto you, and do ye to them as is good in your eyes: only unto these men do nothing; for therefore came they under the shadow of my roof. And they said, Stand back. And they said again, This one fellow came in to sojourn, and he will needs be a judge: now will we deal worse with thee, than with them. And they pressed sore upon the man, even Lot, and came near to break the door. But the men put forth their hand, and pulled Lot into the house to them, and shut to the door. And they smote the men that were at the door of the house with blindness, both small and great: so that they wearied themselves to find the door (Geneis 19: 1-11 King James Version).
The story of Sodom and Gomorrah is one of the most cited pieces by Christians who use the Bible to condemn homosexuality. If one continues to read this passage they find that God destroys the whole city for its wicked ways. The story itself “reads like a plot summary for the latest macho, sexist, rape-and-pillage, straight-from-hell home video rental.” By simply going to church and listening to preachers one might gather that this story is all about male on male sex (Comstock, 41).
Today we can see this story in our everyday vocabulary, in fact, “the very word ‘sodomite’ was taken to refer to someone who engages in anal sex, and the sin of Sodom was taken to be male homogenital acts” (Helminiak, 36).
Admittedly, the phrase “to know” is generally accepted, in biblical terms, to mean “to have sex with.” However, this is not always the case, and thus, one can read this story in a few different ways.
A simple way of reading the story is to consider that the people of Sodom simply wanted to know who the strangers in there town were and what they were doing there. Since Lot was already considered an alien and an outsider in the town, it is very possible that they were discriminating against him and his guests for this sole reason. Additionally, it is important to realize that his story has to, at the very least, be about abuse. The townspeople were acting threateningly toward Lot and, many argue, they were seeking to abuse or beat up his visitors.
Even if we do assume that this story is about male-male sexual contact, the actual act that would be taking place is male-male rape, not consensual sex. It is important to note that in those times, male-male rape was an act of dominance usually carried out after victory in war. Hence, it would be fair to say that this attempted act of male-male rape (if this is truly what the story portrays), is actually condemning rape, not a loving relationship between two males.
Overall, the sin that is marked as reproachable in the story of Sodom and Gomorrah cannot be that of having a loving same-sex sexual encounter. One can say that the story punishes abuse, inhospitality to strangers, or even violence; however, this story cannot be used to be a modern moral compass for sexual behavior. This is made clear by the fact that Lot himself offers his two daughters to the hostile townspeople for sexual purposes. If one is going to try to use this story to condemn one type of sexual act, then they are missing the glaring point that this passage “is not sexual ethics” (Helminiak, 39). The bottom line here is that, “What is contemplated in the story of Sodom and Gomorrah is not consensual sex between people of the same gender, but rape of visitors who have become guests of a resident alien” (Sands, 175).
Furthermore, there are other passages of the Bible that state what the actual sin in the Sodom story is. The prophet Ezekiel states, “This was the guilt of your sister Sodom: she and her daughters had pride, surfeit of food and prosperous ease, but did not aid the poor and needy.” Note how nowhere in that passage is homosexuality brought to point. Yet today we still are told that Sodom was destroyed for its sexual deviance (Ezekiel, 16:48-49 King James Version).
Even in the Book of Wisdom the sin of Sodom is depicted as “bitter hatred of strangers,” and “making slaves of guests who were benefactors” (Wisdom 19:13 King James Version). The notion of making people into slaves can very well be construed to mean sexual slaves; however, once again, we find no mention of consensual male on male sexual intercourse.
Jesus himself even mentions Sodom in the lines of Matthew’s Gospels, once again we find that there is no talk, whatsoever, about sexual practices:
Whatever town or village you enter, find out who in it is worthy, and stay there until you leave…If any one will not welcome you or listen to your words, shake off the dust from your feet as you leave that house or town. Truly I tell you, it will be more tolerable for the land of Sodom and Gomorrah on the day of judgment than for that town (Matthew 10:5-15 King James Version).
Jesus focused on hospitality just as the previous passages above did. Search as one might through the Bible for links between Sodom and Gomorrah and homosexual sin, it can not be found. Even when reading further on into the Bible, references to the story of Sodom that can be found in Jeremiah 23:14, Zephanian 2:8-11, and Isaiah 1:10-17 and 3:9 (King James Version). The only sins that are articulated in these passages “are injustice, oppression, partiality, adultery, lies and encouraging evildoers. Adultery is the only sexual sin in that list, and even in this case, sex itself is not the concern” (Helminiak, 41).
Also, one should note the attitudinal differences between today’s Christians and the actions of Jesus Christ. Jesus’ “attitude toward those who offended the norm was one of compassion and forgiveness, e.g., toward the woman about to be stoned for adultery” (Nugent, 83).
The very fact that we see outspoken Christians belittling and condemning homosexuals brings to mind two related quotes. One line from Jesus himself, stating, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone…” (John 8:7 King James Version). And another saying from Gandhi in which he said, “I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”
The next biblical readings that are often utilized in the Christian condemnation of homosexuality are found within Leviticus and they read:
“Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination” (Leviticus 18:22). “If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them” (Leviticus 20:13 King James Version).
To properly analyze this part of the Bible we must understand what section of the Bible this was written in. This area of Leviticus is called “The Holiness Code.” Within this area of the Bible are listed “laws and punishments” required in order for “Israel to remain holy in God’s sight.” The chief concern of The Holiness Code was to “keep Israel different from Gentiles.” Perhaps most importantly, this section of Leviticus is prefaced with the lines, “You shall not do as they do in the land of Egypt, where you lived, and you shall not do as they do in the land of Canaan.” This phrase is then followed by the list of laws that include prohibitions on what were essentially religious rituals carried out by the Canaanites in Egypt.
Hence, it can be said that The Holiness Code found in Leviticus “prohibits male same-sex acts because of religious considerations, not because of sexual ones.” Same-sex relations were associated with the pagan rituals of the Canaanites; therefore, it was banned in order to distinguish Judaism from Gentile characteristics. The reasoning for this is not morally or ethically based. The “Hebrew Testament certainly did forbid male homogenital activity, its reasons for forbidding it have no bearing on today’s discussion on homosexuality” and can be compared to today’s notion of not eating meat of Fridays (Helminiak, 47). There is nothing wrong with eating meat on Friday in and of itself; rather, the church happens to have some distinctive rituals that have fizzled out over time.
It is also worth investigating what the word “abomination” truly means in the Bible. Leviticus also provides an answer to that question:
Ye shall therefore put difference between clean beasts and unclean, and between unclean fowls and clean: and ye shall not make your souls abominable by beast, or by fowl, or by any manner of living thing that creepeth on the ground, which I have separated from you as unclean (Leviticus 20: 25-26 King James Version)
It quickly becomes apparent that “abominable” is a synonym for “unclean.” This should be clear to anyone who is familiar with purity laws of the Old Testament, some of which many practicing Jews still follow today. Hence, if Christians today would like to use these passages from Leviticus to condemn homosexuals, they should first make sure that they are not an abomination themselves for: eating pigs, lobsters, or shrimp, mixing two types of seeds in a field (or perhaps a garden), or wearing clothing made of more than one type of fiber (to name a few). Additionally, purity rules make women a temporary abomination during their menstrual cycle or giving birth, men after seminal emission and everyone after attending a burial (Helminiak, 48).
Religion and our society teach us that certain things are gross, unclean, dirty, or wrong. It is imperative to become conscious that just because some people are religiously trained to believe that something is disgusting or dirty does not mean that it is wrong. Often times children are taught that sex is a taboo topic, and since we learn from a young age that we are not supposed to do things that are wrong, or say things that are gross, sex becomes something seen as dirty, impure, and wrong; when in fact it is not. The same can be said about and applied to homosexuality. Since people have repeatedly misinterpreted what the Bible actually says about this topic, there is no surprise that prevailing religious notions and uncleanly connotations are attached to homosexuality as a whole.
Finally, we will take a look at the sole New Testament that appears to express disapproval of homosexuality. The lines of interest are found in Romans through the writings of Paul and they read as follows:
For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who hold the truth in unrighteousness; Because that which may be known of God is manifest in them; for God hath shewed it unto them. For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse: Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened. Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools, And changed the glory of the uncorruptible God into an image made like to corruptible man, and to birds, and fourfooted beasts, and creeping things. Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves: Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen. For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is unnatural: And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet. And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers, Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, Without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful: Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them (Romans 1:18-32 King James Version).
The above words, for most anti-homosexual Christians, would seem enough to send any lesbian woman or gay man to eternal damnation. However, there is a language barrier in the translation and interpretation of the text that allows for such a conclusion to be reached. The original Greek words that translated to “unnatural” are “para physin.” The physin part which was translated to mean “natural” can actually have numerous meanings.
Paul himself used this word to describe several different subject matters including: Jews by birth, those who are physically uncircumcised and those who instinctively do what the law requires. Additionally, the same word, physin, is used to say that “beings by nature (physei) are not gods,” and in Paul’s question “Does not nature (physis) itself teach you that if a man wears long hair, it is degrading to him?” (Helminiak, 64).
The Greek word para is most frequently interpreted to mean “beside,” “more than,” “over and above” or “beyond.” However, in some situations, para can mean “contrary to.” So, indeed para physin might also be translated to mean “contrary to nature.” Nonetheless, a “historical-critical study of the Bible” and its proper translation says otherwise. The way that Paul uses this term and the way that he does so consistently throughout his writings would say that para physis means “unexpectedly” or “in an unusual way” (Helminiak, 65).
Overall, this would mean that the sexual practices described were not intentionally sinful or willful acts that purposefully went against God. Rather, interpreting Paul’s usage of para physis correctly leaves a reader with a different understanding altogether. Re-reading with this in mind, one gets the feeling that the actions of these people were “different from what one would generally expect,” atypical or unusual, but not sinful (Helminiak, 65).
In looking at the Bible as a whole, the passages that supposedly forbid homosexual activity are few and far between. The pieces, discussed and dissected above, have fallen apart into what most people could write off as misinterpretations; be it willful or otherwise. It is very interesting that the Church would take so much time to single out this one type of “sin” and preach against it; especially when the condemnations cannot withstand scrutiny. There are so many other transgressions that are more frequently and vehemently lamented in the Bible than homosexuality, one cannot help but wonder what the Church’s fascination is with this topic.
Some preachers and religious figures are so obsessed with homosexuality that they make it into the limelight with their denunciations of it. Fundamentalist Baptist Jerry Falwell has long spoken out against gays as “the apotheosis of America’s supposed devolution into wickedness, even blaming them for the terrorist attacks of 11 September 2001” (Thumma, 367). Falwell has also been quoted as saying that “AIDS is not just God’s punishment for homosexuals; it is God’s punishment for the society that tolerates homosexuals” (Dawkins, 289).
Ironically, the Catholic Church has more recently been revealed as being frequented by homosexual priests in its ranks. Indeed, “Priests, it turns out, have bodies, and many –not just Catholics either- use their bodies sexually in ways that may or may not be officially sanctioned” (Thumma, 372). Often times the same people condemning homosexual behavior are the same ones who are partaking in the festivities. The name Ted Haggard comes to mind.
All of these arguments against homosexuality which appear to be based in holy God-inspired biblical passages turn out to be based in nothing more than fear tactics and illogical biblically-based lies. Clichés such as, “The Bible says so” should not be enough to stop people from questioning once they realize that they have been fed false interpretations to begin with.
Yet another hollow argument used by the Church is seen in its Letter on the Pastoral Care of Homosexual Persons written by the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith in 1986. Here the Church “censures same-sex genital acts on the grounds that they are ‘against the Creator’s sexual design’ due to ‘not being able to transmit life’” (Badgett, 213). One should immediately be curious as to why the Church does not then prevent sterile individuals from having sexual contact. Moreover, one would expect that the Church should run an equally strict campaign against condom usage as it does in opposition to homosexuals.
It is clear that many Christians have been led to believe that homosexuality is “an affront to their religious views” (Boushka, 185). Yet, perhaps it is time to realize that the true and tangible offense is that they have been misled by their own Christian leaders. Entire stories from the Bible are taken by priests in the Church and then twisted in order to condemn homosexuals, rather then spread the story’s true message. Biblical interpretations that lead people to believe that homosexuality is an “abomination” in the literal English sense are simply false. Indeed, the real issues at hand are Old Testament purity laws which are no longer followed. Additionally, incorrect translations of key words from their original language into English have also led to unnecessary confusion.
All of these misleading teachings have only worked to push homosexuals away from the Church. Whole congregations are being lied to; be it willfully or otherwise. These messages of damnation and hate create an unforgiving atmosphere for homosexuals and cause Christians to treat others in ways that Jesus, according to the grapevine, never would.
Undoubtedly, a textual analysis of the Bible reveals that the Christian condemnation of homosexuality is unwarranted and baseless. Perhaps the Austrian economist and philosopher Ludwig von Mises put it best when he said, “Each epoch has found in the Gospels what it sought to find there, and has overlooked what it wished to overlook.”
Works Cited
Badgett, Lee. Sexual Orientation Discrimination: An International Perspective. New York, NY: Routledge, 2007.
Boushka, Bill. Teenage Sexuality: Opposing Viewpoints. Farmington Hills, Michigan: Greenhaven Press, 2006.
Comstock, Gary David. Gay Theology without Apology. Cleveland, Ohio: Pilgrim Press, 1993.
Dawkins, Richard. The God Delusion. New York, NY: Houghton Mifflin Co., 2006.
“Christianity and the Religions of the World.” Encyclopedia Britannica. 2008. Encyclopedia Britannica Online. 11 May. 2008 http://www.britannica.com/EBchecked/topic/115614/Christianity-and-the-Re....
Helminiak, Daniel A. Ph.D. What the Bible Really Says About Homosexuality: Recent Findings by Top Scholars Offer a Radical New View. San Fransisco, California: Alamo Square Press, 1994.
Nugent, Robert. A Challenge to Love: Gay and Lesbian Catholics in the Church. New York, NY: The Crossroad Publishing Co., 1989.
Sands, Kathleen M.God Forbid: Religion and Sex in American Public Life. New York, NY: Oxford University Press, 2000
The King James Version of the Bible was originally published in 1611.
Thuma, Scott. Gay Religion. Landham, Maryland: Rownman & Littlefield, 2005.
4.22.2010
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3.23.2010
Socialism brought on by 'ObamaCare' ???
So my friend Matt linked me this post from some random site... it's pretty entertaining.
http://i.imgur.com/590Ev.png
LINK
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