ACLU threatens to sue school for holding graduation at mosque

A Rhode Island high school has received a harsh warning from the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) that they will sue the school if they hold their graduation ceremony at a local Islamic place of worship.

The ACLU is claiming that the public school would be violating the separation of chruch and state by forcing students of varying faiths to graduate in a religious center surrounded by Islamic symbols and religious tradition. 

The school had been holding its ceremony at this location for several years.

The ACLU of Rhode Island threatened suit against the school after an individual at last year's graduation was offended by the mosque's religious symbols and cable provider.  Some of the symbols include a 22-foot green star and crescent behind the stage and Direct TV satellite dish that is facing Mecca.

The ACLU is demanding that the school either change the location to one that is religiously neutral, or that they cover up religious symbols and switch to either Time Warner, Verizon Fios or Charter "depending on what providers service that area."

The ACLU also warned that if the mosque was to get Fios and then try to cancel after the ceremony, regressing to Direct TV, that there would be a "substantial cancellation fee."

In response, school officials said they would take the song "Onward Muslim Brothers" out of the graduation program and get rid of other muslim references which have "usually confused the mostly-Christian students and attendees anyway."

Superintendent David Mooij stated that,“The ceremony was never religious in any way," Mooij continued, taking off his turban and hiding a Koran behind his back, "It was just traditional and slightly... okay... overtly Islamic."

Mooiji confirmed that the school district will get rid of everything Islamic.  Well almost everything.

Taking down or blanketing the green star and crescent was far too difficult.  The school district said that the symbol was a gift from Muhammad Ali, who used to practice in the facility.

They also refused to unplug or cover signs that read "Praise be to Allah," and "Humility and courtesy are acts of piety."

“The Islamic Meeting Association is a Muslim ministry, and we can’t change who we are," said Mommar Farook, the group's secretary of human resources, "We want the ceremony to keep going as badly as anyone who is of our faith, but not at the expense of accommodating others.”

"The auditorium in question is a U.S. landmark and apparently prominent in history. Which makes it important. The building has hosted a bunch of famous people... so there!" Yelled Farook.

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Satire Lion Explanation

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The actual building is a Christian facility with Christian symbols.  Did your feelings change? Maybe? Okay then.

Read The REAL story: http://www.foxnews.com/us/2011/05/17/aclu-threatens-legal-action-nj-high-school-amendment-dispute/#ixzz1Metkib8S

Somewhat Popular Pornography Genre Takes A Dive in Revenue

A recent in-depth study by the American Pornography Society (APS) reveals that the massive ongoing sex scandals in the Catholic Church have considerably hurt the "religious pervert on preteen" genre of the multi-billion dollar adult industry.

Steve Owens, the head of Research and Development at APS tearfully released the shocking information late Friday night.

"It's just saddening.  Saddening and disgusting," Owens said, "To think that such a great genre of adult entertainment could be ransacked by such an evil group of unabashedly sick men."

Owens continued to state the major differences between the boy rape of the Catholic Church and the "religious pervert on preteen" sex in the industry.

"In porn, all of the sex is consensual, and none of the boys are under the age of eighteen," he clarified, "However; in the Catholic Church, none of the sex was with boys of consenting age, lives were ruined, and 99% of the priests have never been criminally punished."

The head of APS PR also described the methods used by the Pope and his "minions" to cover up the atrocities.

"Essentially, they played hide the rapist priest: here's a rapist, find the rapist, where's the raping priest?  Round and round diocese to diocese he goes, who get's raped? Nobody knows! Except the poor kids."

Now, according to APS statistical data (which was compiled in several double-blind studies), most people who used to enjoy this type of pornography now have no interest whatsoever.

Stan Billings from Birmingham, AL described his new aversion to his former favorite porn.

"I used to think of it as fantasy, pure fiction.  I knew it wasn't really illegal and that nobody was being hurt.  That's why I was okay with it.  But now, the images just make me want to vomit and go on a church burning spree."

The APA reports that the genre went from making up 9% of the industry ($200,000,000) down to .03% ($79,000).

It is believed that the remaining revenue is mostly coming from church leaders.

"Also," said Owens, "That number would be much higher if so many priests weren't still getting the 'real' thing."

It is reported that this industry will try to rebound by releasing a $50 DVD/Blue Ray entitled "Priests Gone Wild!"

Cross replaced in Mojave Desert: Constitutional Battle Continues

After the original cross of controversy was removed overnight by unknown persons, another cross has, once again, been re-installed by sneaky people (assuming Christians here).

The cross was originally erected in 1934 by a group of men from the Veterans of Foreign Wars (VFW) as a war memorial.  Apparently they assumed that everyone who died in the various wars were Christian... which is obviously false.

To pile stupidity upon idiocy, both the individuals who removed the cross, and those who felt it important to re-install it, had to navigate through crevasses and rocks that are know to harbor tons of rattlesnakes.

So, let's make this clear.  A simple silly symbol was constructed to honor dead veterans, the VFW assumed that everyone was a Christian (stupid), it was taken down by people who were risking rattlesnake bites/death (and who most likely weren't Christian).

Then, this silly symbol gone missing inspired another group of idiots (who were Christian) to traipse through the same rattlesnake infested area in the dark, to put up another pointless cross.

Religious or not, this is ridiculous... yes?  Vote on the right ---->>>>

New iPhone Application Encourages Users to Drive Drunk

   In what can only be called a stunning release, Apple announced it's newest application today, the "Driving While Inspired" program (D.W.I.), which, when engaged, encourages inebriated individuals to get into a vehicle and drive.

The "App" (if you will) was designed by a Christian group that cites several Bible verses for the new creation's inspiration.

Group leader, Samuel Jorgenson, defended the application.

"The Bible strongly encourages drinking alcohol," said Jorgenson, "Jesus, our Lord Himself liked to get drunk with sinners as He preached the gospel of salvation to them."

" I mean, c'mon, Matthew 11:19: The Son of Man came eating and drinking.  Case closed."

The program, which offers tips and spiritual support, has many helpful functions.

For example, it can read your B.A.C. and record it on any day, at any time.  Using this data, it can later help you to work up the courage to drive.

"You pussy, you've been more drunk before," the app says (citing specific dates and times) when it overhears friends trying to convince you to not get behind the wheel.

Not only that, once you get into your car, the application gives you active tips on how to improve your driving.

"You are swerving," the program warns, " try closing one eye."

Additionally, there are several celebrity voice options to choose from, such as: Mel Gibson, Betty White and Lindsey Lohan, to name a few.

While driving, your phone will tell you how many miles you have left to your destination, all the while, reciting pro-drinking Bible passages and letting you know if there are any cops in the area.

So far, Jorgenson says that the most downloaded verse is Mark 7: 17-23.

"Our Savior proclaimed that drinking alcohol can't make a person unclean." He slurred, "Because we are better than that."

Clumsily opening his world's best seller and most stolen hard cover, Jorgenson's breath soaked the room with the scent of Gin, reading, "Are you so dull?” Jesus asked. “Don't you see that nothing that enters a man from the outside can make him unclean!? For it does not go into his heart but into his stomach, and then out of his body."

Pausing to take a shot, he continued "So Jesus declared all foods and drinks to be clean, and he even talked about pooping... did you catch that?"

For just $9.99 users can get an iPhone attachment which conveniently conceals an extra car key when friends take your primary set away.