Showing posts with label osama. Show all posts
Showing posts with label osama. Show all posts

5.14.2011

Bin Laden should still be alive?

Disregarding reality, the Monday morning political quarterbacking continues. Individuals of varying sanity levels have begun a pointless front-page debate about whether or not SEAL Team 6 should have killed Bin Laden.

Fox News opinion writer Ellen Ratner believes that we should have spared his life for research.

"There's been a debate about whether we should have tried to bring the terror mastermind back to the United States -- alive. I agree with Texas Congressman Ron Paul, we should not have killed Bin Laden if at all possible," said Ratner.

Although the root cause of Bin Laden brand terrorism is clearly a literal interpretation of his religious book, Ratner would rather have kept him alive and scanned his brain... because... well because she wished they had done that to Adolph Hitler as well.

"As PET scanners and fMRI tests became available later in the 20th Century, I couldn't help but wonder what Hitler's brain would have looked like under a scanner," states Ratner.

Ratner believes that this ONE person who was a religious terrorist should have been kept alive because, perhaps, the scanning of HIS specific brain could have told us why he did what he did. Really? Pay me the large amount of money you would have wasted doing this, let me shoot him in the face, and then I will tell you why he did it: He followed his religious book to the "T".

A brain scan of those with an exorbitant amount of religious zeal would provide more valuable information.

"The world might be a safer place in the future if we could have understood the anatomy and physiology of his brain," Ratner continued, "Some of the people who have been under these scanners have taught us a lot about criminal and violent minds."

Then she speculates about pornography... and.. ummm that might be interesting to have studied as well.  Maybe she's just lonely?

"On Friday we learned that Bin Laden also had an extensive pornography stash in his Pakistan compound. Although, to be honest, officials have not been about to confirm if it belonged specifically to him or if he even viewed it. Nevertheless, let's assume the porn collection was his (great writing here) and that he did spend time viewing it. Now his brain becomes even more interesting especially since certain types of pornography and violence can be linked together."

Was this written by a high school student the night before it was due?

You can read the rest of her "article," in which she basically refutes her own argument.  Her stance amounts to - "Look what we already know!!! Here's some generic information I found on Wikipedia... now let's speculate!"

Ratner:  "The medical documentation for violent and criminal minds continues to grow. Marina Nakic, a post doctoral fellow in the lab of Dr. Jordan Grafman found that viewing violent images is enough to activate the prefrontal cortex. Other studies have focused on the amount of Serotonin in the brain as it relates to violence and willingness to fight. The University of Cambridge in England found that anti-social children have less Cortisol when they are in stressful situations. In most of us it increases with stress and in these kids with a specific personality disorder the body produced less of the hormone. Another study found that psychopath's brains were different in brain scans. A team from King's College in London found a structure in the brain, the uncinate fasiculus, is different in psychopaths than in normal people. Other researchers have found a link between Traumatic Brain Injury and criminal behavior. Was Bin Laden possibly dropped on his head by one of his parents or caregivers during his childhood? Did he and his many brothers engage in "horse play" that might have caused brain damage? No one knows, and with his brain becoming fish food, our answers are lost forever. We could have learned valuable information about one of the most dangerous criminal minds ever, and now only the Arabian Sea contains the answers."

Really Ellen Ratner? This is what you "contribute" to Fox News?

5.01.2011

New, dull terrorism system to offer bland specificity

*** UPDATE: Familiarize Yourself with the New Terror System Retaliation is a HIGH POSSIBILITY ***

(Terror Grandma) The very first terrorism alert system, that was originally and graciously created during the George W. Bush reign, has been besmirched.

The new colorless terrorism system, which was abrasively described by Secretary of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano, will inform the public with REAL information on ACTUAL threats, thus killing the color-coded warning system put in place after the September 11, 2001, awfulness.

"This is the first time since the success of the African American Civil Rights Movement that we have seen the government stop using color to scare people," said Napolitano.

Indeed, the idea of using a general color scare-scale to describe a "terror threat" has been criticized for it's vagueness. But, the colors have, no doubt, been the only way to actually describe the meaning and seriousness of the potential terror threat.

Additionally, who really wants to know what incredibly awful things might happen to them and their fellow citizens?

Wouldn't you rather just look at a bunch of color swatches and have a general idea as to what may or may not occur based on, say, the color orange?

New York citizen, and pizzeria owner, Russio Giarnorelli explained his reaction to the drastic change.

"Mi scusi. Non posso parlare inglese," said Giarnorelli.

EXACTLY!

Janet Napolitano was along-side NYC Police Commissioner Gordon from The Dark Knight and Republicant Representative Larry King, both of which clapped upon hearing that the advisory system would actually make some sense.

Yet, intuitively, Republi-cares-a-lot Senator Susan Collins of Maine from the Senate Homeland Security Committee warned that revealing real information to the public, rather than various colors, could be dangerous.

"If this so-called 'real and meaningful' information doesn't get to the public faster than a specific part of the color-defining light spectrum, then how can we protect the nation," she screamed.

Continuing on, Collins stated that "Unless we keep in mind what colors these threats remind us of, much of the public might feel very confused."

Truly, how can one know if a potential bomb threat in a Los Angeles building should be taken seriously unless a color is provided?

"Hypothetically, Is this a yellow threat, or a red one?" shouted Collins.

The new system is a two tier alert system, compared to the previous five color levels, Napolitano clarified.

All warnings will be announced via live feed from the secretary's colorless office, ensuring no visual color scare, and yet give facts to the public immediately.

The two warning levels of the anything-but-exciting system are "slightly higher than normal threat," which "warns of a credible edible egg, yet non-color coded terrorist threat" to the United States; and "imminent threat that will chalk up to nothing," which "tells of a credible, colorless and impending religion-based threat."

These warnings will automatically expire, magically, after two weeks time, although they could be extended if new information shows a threat persists, Neapolitan ice cream-stuffed lady said.

Concerned Citizens for Colored Calamity Certainty (C.C.C.C...C) claim that credibility sans color will create confusion and commiserating will conclude in compulsory cat-tastrophes.