BREAKING NEWS: 4th of July

In a shocking turn of events, it seems that people are gearing up for the Fourth of July by doing the exact same type of shit they did last year.

The grills are out, the beer is somewhat cold, Grandma just shit in the pool and nobody is watching the kids.

Your creepy uncle showed up with a shit-ton of illegal fireworks in order to spend more time standing way too close behind you and whispering in your ear.

"That's it, get that fuse nice and hot. Yah! AND DON'T YOU F$#%@ING TELL ANYONE ABOUT THIS!"

Your overweight alcoholic aunt has too much to drink and starts bitching about the left-wing media and how she wants her burger done medium-rare and how she only trusts Fox News and that you should share the chips because they are for everyone.

Three of the neighborhood kids lose fingers or become partially blinded. Grandpa is afraid that the dogs will eat the baby. Nobody can find the baby. Who the F put Grandpa in charge of the baby?