Clinton Chastises Obama

Hillary Finds Obama's Stash O' Porn

In an blatant and desperate attempt to defame and discredit Democratic opponent Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton has claimed to have found "mountains and mountains O' Porn" under the Illinois Senator's bed.

Holding one magazine up for the news cameras and media to see, the New York junior Senator proclaimed that she would not let Obama "Get off this easily."

Clinton added that it was "simply not fair that she would spend years and years without resorting so such dirty, and underhand...or backhanded, tactics when Obama could simply reach under his kingsized bed and find the words of others and use them for his own personal benefit."

Then, ironically stealing her own words from a Mike Meyers film, a frigid Senator Clinton added that Obama appears to be a "cunning linguist only because he is a master debator."

"His ability to release sexual and emotional tension," she asserted, "only helps him to appear more flacid, loose, and relaxed when on the stage."

(Clinton holds up 'Hustler: The Girl Next
Door edition' as staffer covers erection
behind the former First Lady)

Obama fired back with a spray of words in a public address during which he said that Senator Clinton had, "used his 'literature' herself since she raided his bedroom."

The red-faced Illinois Senator added that "She was just trying to find something to help her loosen up the tension... As I said before, I really don't think this is too big of a deal, I mean, everyone does it,"

Clinton has argued that even though Obama can perform "rousing speeches, she has the stronger grasp of the issues and the knowledge of how to use the presidency without resorting to self-stimulation behind closed doors."

To conclude her press conference, Senator Clinton utilized the phrase, "masturbation is like procrastination, it might feel good at the time, but in the end you are only screwing yourself."


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