I Probably Shouldn't Think This is Funny...but

Okay, so an eight-year-old boy was attacked by a bear in the Smokey Mountains.

Not funny so far...

Let's continue.

Some facts and quotes from the article on CNN.com:

It was an HUGE AND SCARY "86-pound male black bear."
(I know people who weight three times that)

"The bear was staring at me..."

- horny bear?

Evan Pala of Boca Raton said in an interview Tuesday. "...Then he just stood up [on his hind legs]..."

- As opposed to doing a handstand (very scary either way)

"...and jumped on me."


"...Before he even got me I called, 'Bear!' "

- I wonder how he called the word "bear"...
1) Like it was a long lost friend?
2) In a demonstrative fashion?

"Park rangers caught a young bear soon afterward in the same area and killed it when it charged them"

- Maybe it just wanted to open mouth kiss? What if it just wanted a hug?

"Park officials said the attack along the popular Rainbow Falls trail was unprovoked"
- Who the hell provokes a fight with a bear anyway? '

"John Pala said their clothes might have smelled like fried chicken from a meal an hour earlier."

-... hahaha

"John Pala and Alex threw sticks and stones at the animal. The bear didn't move."

- Likes it rough?

"He was mad because he didn't get what he wanted. He was going to make his stand," John Pala said."

- The bear must have left a suicide note with its intentions?

"The bear had no history of problem behavior."

- It's the ONE strike rule for non-humans!

Possibly my favorite quote:

""This is so rare," said Lynn Rogers, director of the North American Bear Center in Ely, Minnesota. "I don't know if you would call a bear like that a demented bear, like some people, or a super bear that decides, 'Hey, I can take a person.' ""

- W.T.F.!>!??!?!2?@3#


"Gray said bears have been active this year, with several wandering into urban areas."

- To Party!!!

"Yet there have been fewer cases of "nuisance" bears, and none has required capture and relocation this year."

- The Bush Administration - Stephen Colbert Supported - "War on Bears" is WORKING!!!

"The North American Bear Center lists 61 people killed by black bears in North America since 1900, with 46 of those in Alaska or Canada."

- Why does this Center exist, and can I work there?

"But there have been two fatal attacks in eastern Tennessee: A Tennessee schoolteacher was killed in 2000 by a female bear and cub during a day hike in the Great Smokies..."

- Nobody in Milwaukee likes the damn cubs...

AND HERE's Where it's not funny anymore...

"...and an Ohio family was attacked in 2006 in bordering Cherokee National Forest, killing a 6-year-old girl and injuring her 2-year-old brother and mother."

Oh, by the way, here's the dad of the kid that was attacked: