Israeli police are looking into identifying and prosecuting the perpetrators in the recent burnings of over 200 copies of the New Testament in the city of Or-Yehuda.
Authorities were not certain as to why the New Testaments had been set aflame but have narrowed the possibilities down to:
- they were used as rolling papers by Jamaican tourists
- the 2nd half of the Bible is complete bullshit, but the first half is golden
- it got kinda cold and the air conditioner dial was jammed in "Jesus it's hot" mode
- Radical Muslims ... (unintelligible) ... airplanes ... (unintelligible) ...
- Local Jussawi Mzdorphenstein tripped while carrying the Olympic Torch past an improvised game of New Testament dominoes
- Less Bible = shorter sermons
- American Flags were on short supply
Attempts have been made to contact God for his opinion on the occurrence but so far He has not materialized, spoken with a booming voice in our heads, or returned any of my phone calls (sad face).