10 Commandments can lick it...

... Whatever "it" is...

By reading the Bible you will quickly realize that the 10 Commandments that you think you know are nowhere to be found.

You do see what Moses repeats to the people what "god" told him to say after climbing down Mount Si'nai; however, they are not written down in any form.


Later on, Moses goes back to the top of the Mountain where upon "god" (yah it's not capitalized...oooooh noooooo!) gives him two tables of stone with rules written on them (Exodus 31:18).

Moses gets down the mountain and sees the people worshiping idols. He immediately smashes the 10 Commandments onto the ground (32:19).

Never ever ever does the bible refer to the "commandments." Just spoken words of "god."

Additionally, it is only when Moses goes back for new tablets that the title "ten commandments" is given.

INTERESTINGLY, THESE "10" ARE DIFFERENT from the ten rules MOses recited for the people.

So... Moses made them up? God changed his mind? OR the Bible is a crock of you know what...

So here are the real 10 that were handed down by the great spaghetti monster, or "god" to ho-Moses (Exodus 34:12-28).

I- Thou shalt worship no other god.
II- Thou shalt make thee no molten gods
III- The feast of unleavened bread thou shalt keep.
IV- Six days thou shalt work, but on the seventh day thou shalt rest.
V- Thou shalt observe the feast of weeks, of the firstfruits of wheat harvest, and the feasting of ingathering at the year's end.
VI- Thrice in the year shall all your men children appear before the Lord God.
VII- Thou shalt not offer the blood of my sacrifice with leaven.
VIII- Neither shall the sacrifice of the feast of the passover be left unto the morning.
IX- The first of the firstfruits of thy land thou shalt bring unto the house of the Lord thy God.
X- Thou shalt not seethe a kid [young goat] in his mother's milk.

Religion is ridiculous
that's my Commandment