New Organized Movement Sparks Debate, Arrests Around Country

(National Grandma News)  A new, and rapidly growing group simply called the 'Make Awkward Sexual Advances, Not War' (MASANW) organization has begun demonstrating in cities nation-wide in order to protest President Barack Obama's half-hearted troop removal in Iraq.

Since Obama officially announced the commencement of troop withdrawal in July, MASANW has grown in numbers from one elderly man named Gerald Boituch in Hunstville, Alabama to a group of over 420,000 people.

Boituch was originally arrested for approaching strangers in Muscle Shoals (a suburb of Huntsville) and shouting, "We get in there fast without warning or permission and now we are lying about how fast we were going to pull out!" all the while motioning suggestively toward his midsection.

Upon interrogation, Boituch explained to police officers that he was simply a peaceful antiwar protester trying new methods to gain attention and numbers.

His attention-grabbing techniques made headline news in both the newspapers and on national television.

In less than 2 months time, the peace movement has spread from Huntsville to as far away as Alaska, Hawaii and Maine resulting in thousands of arrests as police are having a hard time distinguishing pedophiles, unwanted gropers and rapists from the demonstrators.

To curb the number of arrests and minimize confusion, Boituch has started to encourage like-minded individuals to utilize signs and t-shirts like the ones depicted below:

Some cities have also seen an increasing amount of graffiti, prompting Boituch to condemn the defacing of property and send newsletters to followers including a diagram teaching proper thrusting motions to lower the high number of reported back injuries to emotionally-charged MASANW members.

Boituch announced last week that MASANW will be sponsoring flash mobs full of awkward sexual advances in the coming months.

Adam Lambert Spoof, Yet Political Points Made...

Thanks Jay :)

Why the double standard of girls kissing and boys fake humping?

Somewhat Popular Pornography Genre Takes A Dive in Revenue

A recent in-depth study by the American Pornography Society (APS) reveals that the massive ongoing sex scandals in the Catholic Church have considerably hurt the "religious pervert on preteen" genre of the multi-billion dollar adult industry.

Steve Owens, the head of Research and Development at APS tearfully released the shocking information late Friday night.

"It's just saddening.  Saddening and disgusting," Owens said, "To think that such a great genre of adult entertainment could be ransacked by such an evil group of unabashedly sick men."

Owens continued to state the major differences between the boy rape of the Catholic Church and the "religious pervert on preteen" sex in the industry.

"In porn, all of the sex is consensual, and none of the boys are under the age of eighteen," he clarified, "However; in the Catholic Church, none of the sex was with boys of consenting age, lives were ruined, and 99% of the priests have never been criminally punished."

The head of APS PR also described the methods used by the Pope and his "minions" to cover up the atrocities.

"Essentially, they played hide the rapist priest: here's a rapist, find the rapist, where's the raping priest?  Round and round diocese to diocese he goes, who get's raped? Nobody knows! Except the poor kids."

Now, according to APS statistical data (which was compiled in several double-blind studies), most people who used to enjoy this type of pornography now have no interest whatsoever.

Stan Billings from Birmingham, AL described his new aversion to his former favorite porn.

"I used to think of it as fantasy, pure fiction.  I knew it wasn't really illegal and that nobody was being hurt.  That's why I was okay with it.  But now, the images just make me want to vomit and go on a church burning spree."

The APA reports that the genre went from making up 9% of the industry ($200,000,000) down to .03% ($79,000).

It is believed that the remaining revenue is mostly coming from church leaders.

"Also," said Owens, "That number would be much higher if so many priests weren't still getting the 'real' thing."

It is reported that this industry will try to rebound by releasing a $50 DVD/Blue Ray entitled "Priests Gone Wild!"

Sexy American Politics: Short Stories of Untold Hook-ups

     Politics and sex go hand in hand like a lonely person, genitals and pornography.


But did you know that many famous political figures have had sex with each other?  True story.

Unlikely hook-up #1:  Ronald Reagan and George W. Bush.

"For seven and a half years I've worked alongside President Reagan. We've had triumphs. Made some mistakes. We've had some sex...uh...setbacks." --President George H.W. Bush

The bromance lasted until Bush began to complain to about Reagan's in-bed "trickle down on your face while you are sleeping" effect.  Not because Bush didn't like it, just because Reagan stopped doing it after one year.

Not to mention the outrage caused by Reagan's gang-bang affair with an entire terrorist group in Iran.

Unlikely hook-up #2:  God and Jimmy Carter.

"I've looked on many women with lust. I've committed adultery in my heart many times. God knows I will do this and he forgives me." –-President Jimmy Carter, Playboy Magazine

When God first started dating Jimmy Carter, little Jimmy was only 4 years old, which might seem wrong, but Carter's parents introduced the two.

Although former President Carter was in a secret gay relationship with God, he definitely was not a 'power bottom.'

When asked about his preferences, Carter angrily shouted "Aggression unopposed becomes a contagious disease."

When the former President got married to cover up his homosexual relationship with God, he later made it clear that he was not happy with what he had to do to become the leader of the free world.

"I have often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming."

 Unlikely Relationship #3:  ... to be continued...