In a shocking turn of events, it seems that people are gearing up for the Fourth of July by doing the exact same type of shit they did last year.
The grills are out, the beer is somewhat cold, Grandma just shit in the pool and nobody is watching the kids.
Your creepy uncle showed up with a shit-ton of illegal fireworks in order to spend more time standing way too close behind you and whispering in your ear.
"That's it, get that fuse nice and hot. Yah! AND DON'T YOU F$#%@ING TELL ANYONE ABOUT THIS!"
Your overweight alcoholic aunt has too much to drink and starts bitching about the left-wing media and how she wants her burger done medium-rare and how she only trusts Fox News and that you should share the chips because they are for everyone.
Three of the neighborhood kids lose fingers or become partially blinded. Grandpa is afraid that the dogs will eat the baby. Nobody can find the baby. Who the F put Grandpa in charge of the baby?
Showing posts with label grandma. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grandma. Show all posts
7.03.2011
6.21.2011
6.03.2011
Grandma's Twitter reveals insanity
Follow Grandma on Twitter and you will get important, informative messages such as these:
#celebrating #nationaldonutday certainly makes my #hemorrhoid #pains go away, well that and rubbing #KrispyKreme all over my #bottom.
#Grandma goes 2 #grocery store for #trash bags, as she is out of them-$100 later back at home- forgot to get the trash bags #assistedliving?
It's #nationalrunningday ... now #Grandma understands why she has the #runs #makessense
Horror story #DonRickles molested #TinkyWinky as a part of an upcoming #FearFactor show - #AnotherCinderellaStory not involving #Grandma :(
http://twitter.com/#!/Youreadygrandma
#celebrating #nationaldonutday certainly makes my #hemorrhoid #pains go away, well that and rubbing #KrispyKreme all over my #bottom.
#Grandma goes 2 #grocery store for #trash bags, as she is out of them-$100 later back at home- forgot to get the trash bags #assistedliving?
It's #nationalrunningday ... now #Grandma understands why she has the #runs #makessense
Horror story #DonRickles molested #TinkyWinky as a part of an upcoming #FearFactor show - #AnotherCinderellaStory not involving #Grandma :(
http://twitter.com/#!/Youreadygrandma
11.30.2010
Follow GRANDMA on TWITTER!
Following Grandma on Twitter is probably the best idea if you want to see her at her best (tipsy) and at her worst (incredibly drunk and angry).
http://twitter.com/#!/Youreadygrandma
http://twitter.com/#!/Youreadygrandma
10.06.2010
Bryce in Minnesota Still Waiting on Domino's Pizza to "Make it up to him."
The twenty-one year old St. Scholastica sophomore is more than pissed off.
"They use my photo of my F-ed up pizza to make money through advertisements, tell me they are sorry, and then send me male hookers. I'm peeved."
To date Dominos has tried to send Bryce over a dozen male go-go dancers, strippers and pre-paid prostitutes.
(Not a pizza delivery boy)
5.27.2010
Young Woman Looking to Marry because She's 'supposed to.'
A twenty-seven year old woman, feeling the pressure from her parents and peers, has decided that it is time to settle down, get married and raise some kids.
After seeing her 3 best friends from college tie the knot, Cheryl Swanson, a Georgia native, is hoping that her current lover will propose.
The two have been together for nearly 4 years, and although the timing might not be ideal, Swanson has been dropping hints more and more often.
"I really want this to happen, and soon, because everyone is starting to think that I have something wrong with me."
Cheryl's grandma hasn't been making it easy either.
"I'd like to be at her wedding. I mean, I'm 84, how long does she think I will live for!?!?"
Yet, Swanson is certain that her Grandma would pass away upon hearing the news anyway.
"Yah, she'd probably have a heart attack. Anything small gives her heart palpitations, this would just make her head explode."
For now Cheryl is still waiting for her girlfriend to 'pop the question.' Then they will have to move to a state that allows same-sex marriage, and then possibly move again and wait two years to legally adopt a child.
After seeing her 3 best friends from college tie the knot, Cheryl Swanson, a Georgia native, is hoping that her current lover will propose.
The two have been together for nearly 4 years, and although the timing might not be ideal, Swanson has been dropping hints more and more often.
"I really want this to happen, and soon, because everyone is starting to think that I have something wrong with me."
Cheryl's grandma hasn't been making it easy either.
"I'd like to be at her wedding. I mean, I'm 84, how long does she think I will live for!?!?"
Yet, Swanson is certain that her Grandma would pass away upon hearing the news anyway.
"Yah, she'd probably have a heart attack. Anything small gives her heart palpitations, this would just make her head explode."
For now Cheryl is still waiting for her girlfriend to 'pop the question.' Then they will have to move to a state that allows same-sex marriage, and then possibly move again and wait two years to legally adopt a child.
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