*** UPDATE: Familiarize Yourself with the New Terror System Retaliation is a HIGH POSSIBILITY ***
(Terror Grandma) The very first terrorism alert system, that was originally and graciously created during the George W. Bush reign, has been besmirched.
The new colorless terrorism system, which was abrasively described by Secretary of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano, will inform the public with REAL information on ACTUAL threats, thus killing the color-coded warning system put in place after the September 11, 2001, awfulness.
"This is the first time since the success of the African American Civil Rights Movement that we have seen the government stop using color to scare people," said Napolitano.
Indeed, the idea of using a general color scare-scale to describe a "terror threat" has been criticized for it's vagueness. But, the colors have, no doubt, been the only way to actually describe the meaning and seriousness of the potential terror threat.
Additionally, who really wants to know what incredibly awful things might happen to them and their fellow citizens?
Wouldn't you rather just look at a bunch of color swatches and have a general idea as to what may or may not occur based on, say, the color orange?
New York citizen, and pizzeria owner, Russio Giarnorelli explained his reaction to the drastic change.
"Mi scusi. Non posso parlare inglese," said Giarnorelli.
EXACTLY!
Janet Napolitano was along-side NYC Police Commissioner Gordon from The Dark Knight and Republicant Representative Larry King, both of which clapped upon hearing that the advisory system would actually make some sense.
Yet, intuitively, Republi-cares-a-lot Senator Susan Collins of Maine from the Senate Homeland Security Committee warned that revealing real information to the public, rather than various colors, could be dangerous.
"If this so-called 'real and meaningful' information doesn't get to the public faster than a specific part of the color-defining light spectrum, then how can we protect the nation," she screamed.
Continuing on, Collins stated that "Unless we keep in mind what colors these threats remind us of, much of the public might feel very confused."
Truly, how can one know if a potential bomb threat in a Los Angeles building should be taken seriously unless a color is provided?
"Hypothetically, Is this a yellow threat, or a red one?" shouted Collins.
The new system is a two tier alert system, compared to the previous five color levels, Napolitano clarified.
All warnings will be announced via live feed from the secretary's colorless office, ensuring no visual color scare, and yet give facts to the public immediately.
The two warning levels of the anything-but-exciting system are "slightly higher than normal threat," which "warns of a credible edible egg, yet non-color coded terrorist threat" to the United States; and "imminent threat that will chalk up to nothing," which "tells of a credible, colorless and impending religion-based threat."
These warnings will automatically expire, magically, after two weeks time, although they could be extended if new information shows a threat persists, Neapolitan ice cream-stuffed lady said.
Concerned Citizens for Colored Calamity Certainty (C.C.C.C...C) claim that credibility sans color will create confusion and commiserating will conclude in compulsory cat-tastrophes.
4.24.2011
Fox News is... not news?!?????!?!
.... not news....not news? when is the news? a few hours a day? oh okay!
4.07.2011
Montana State Rep. wants homosexuals 'caught recruiting' imprisoned
Ken Peterson, a 2nd term seventy-five year old Montana congressman is a Mormon, and happens to be a moron.
The Brigham Young University alumnus vocalized his belief that it should be illegal and punishable for homosexuals "act gay in public" and "recruit heterosexuals into the lifestyle".
What does that even mean? For men to not act Macho? For women to not be feminine?
The punishment? Up to 10 years in prison and up to a $50,000 fine.
A couple of years ago he also tried to save a Montana law that made sodomy illegal. We all know that men and women, straight or gay, perform these acts. The U.S. Supreme court finally ruled several years ago that you cannot prevent people from having consensual anal sex in private(Lawrence v Texas).
His BYU education is just that, a BYU education (cult).
What, under his proposed law, would be illegal?
"It has to be more than affection. It has to be overt homosexual acts of some kind or another... If KISSING goes to that extent, yes."
Why not make this law apply to everyone then? NOBODY can kiss in public? Yah, that would never pass.
Here's some more on what the law would mean to him...
"Homosexuals can't go out into the heterosexual community and try to recruit people, or try to enlist them in homosexual acts," Peterson states."'Here, young man, your hormones are raging. Let's go in this bedroom, and we'll engage in some homosexual acts. You'll find you like it.'"
Yah... because an eighteen-plus kid (apparently he only focuses on males?) doesn't know if he is gay... right...
Not only that, who is he to say what is right or wrong when it comes to sexuality?
Sounds like something happened to him when he was younger... or maybe he himself is gay?
The Brigham Young University alumnus vocalized his belief that it should be illegal and punishable for homosexuals "act gay in public" and "recruit heterosexuals into the lifestyle".
What does that even mean? For men to not act Macho? For women to not be feminine?
The punishment? Up to 10 years in prison and up to a $50,000 fine.
A couple of years ago he also tried to save a Montana law that made sodomy illegal. We all know that men and women, straight or gay, perform these acts. The U.S. Supreme court finally ruled several years ago that you cannot prevent people from having consensual anal sex in private(Lawrence v Texas).
His BYU education is just that, a BYU education (cult).
What, under his proposed law, would be illegal?
"It has to be more than affection. It has to be overt homosexual acts of some kind or another... If KISSING goes to that extent, yes."
Why not make this law apply to everyone then? NOBODY can kiss in public? Yah, that would never pass.
Here's some more on what the law would mean to him...
"Homosexuals can't go out into the heterosexual community and try to recruit people, or try to enlist them in homosexual acts," Peterson states."'Here, young man, your hormones are raging. Let's go in this bedroom, and we'll engage in some homosexual acts. You'll find you like it.'"
Yah... because an eighteen-plus kid (apparently he only focuses on males?) doesn't know if he is gay... right...
Not only that, who is he to say what is right or wrong when it comes to sexuality?
Sounds like something happened to him when he was younger... or maybe he himself is gay?
4.06.2011
When does NATO bomb these endearing individuals?
I'm guessing that any sane person despises these people. Now they are spoofing the NoH8 campaign. Way to go...
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