You Ready Grandma

Hacked?

2011-08-05T15:01:00.002-05:00

(GRANDMA'S DEATH) - Unfortunately I think my blog was hacked, or something. It comes up as an "attack site" when you try to view it. If you want to continue following me, this will be my new blog. The ugly design is temporary. I'm open to suggestions, leave a comment on the blog.

-DFA

McConnell admits to being 1/8th turtle, not gay

2011-08-02T18:43:00.000-05:00

(Fact Grandma contributor DFA) Sixty-nine year-old Kentucky Senator Mich McConnell admitted today that his great grandfather was a turtle and that his race means no harm to the United States of America.

Debt Ceiling turns out to actually be an overhead interior surface that covers the upper limit of a room

2011-08-02T18:36:00.000-05:00

(Grandma News DFA) In an odd turn of events, it appears that the debt ceiling is, in fact, an actual physical, structural element, which conceals the underside of the floor or roof structure that is above.

It is also imaginary.

BREAKING NEWS: 4th of July

2011-07-03T15:37:00.000-05:00

In a shocking turn of events, it seems that people are gearing up for the Fourth of July by doing the exact same type of shit they did last year.

The grills are out, the beer is somewhat cold, Grandma just shit in the pool and nobody is watching the kids.

Your creepy uncle showed up with a shit-ton of illegal fireworks in order to spend more time standing way too close behind you and whispering in your ear.

"That's it, get that fuse nice and hot. Yah! AND DON'T YOU F$#%@ING TELL ANYONE ABOUT THIS!"

Your overweight alcoholic aunt has too much to drink and starts bitching about the left-wing media and how she wants her burger done medium-rare and how she only trusts Fox News and that you should share the chips because they are for everyone.

Three of the neighborhood kids lose fingers or become partially blinded. Grandpa is afraid that the dogs will eat the baby. Nobody can find the baby. Who the F put Grandpa in charge of the baby?

Crazy Grandma has a gun

2011-06-21T18:28:00.002-05:00

How to balance work and life

2011-06-19T18:57:00.000-05:00

Russell Brand interviews Richard Dawkins

2011-06-19T18:25:00.005-05:00

Internet Debates

2011-06-13T13:33:00.000-05:00

Newspaper Correction

2011-06-13T13:18:00.002-05:00

Cat and Owl playing

2011-06-13T12:58:00.001-05:00

Bill Maher & Jane Lynch: Weiner

2011-06-12T20:40:00.001-05:00

Fox News has the best headlines!

2011-06-12T19:05:00.000-05:00

Manchester Orchestra on David Letterman

2011-06-12T18:10:00.000-05:00

Catholic school bans rainbow

2011-06-07T16:36:00.001-05:00

St. Joseph Catholic Secondary School of Ontario, Canada has banned the rainbow. No skittles kids! And if it rains... put on the horse blinders!

Seriously, some LGBT kids at the school were putting together an information booth, like all the other clubs are allowed to, and the school made them remove anything rainbow because it is "associated with pride."

They also had to put away fliers that twice mentioned safe sex and educated people on AIDS.

The students instead baked cupcakes that used a rainbow batter to raise funds. They got away with that... well until they went to donate the $200 proceeds to a gay charity. The school banned that. They weren't allowed to donate to any gay friendly organization.

Instead they forced them to donate the money to a Catholic group.

The head of Queers of Ontario says that this just shows that the school has no interest in recognizing the existence of diversity. Do Catholics realize how many gay people there are, and how many are members of the church?

The student group plans to make their discrimination at the school public at the upcoming local Pride events. Of course, the principle doesn't want the students to mention what school they go to.

Private schools can make up their own rules... but at some point they need to realize that they are only getting bad publicity and looking like angry, scared and ignorant fools.

Thanks Fox News !!!

2011-06-06T18:14:00.002-05:00

This is their headline...

Suicide rates peak as technology hits 3rd world countries

2011-06-06T17:20:00.000-05:00

(Sad News Grandma) Senegal, Rwanda, Ethiopia, Zambia and Chad are just a few of the 3rd World Countries whose public have recently gained access to the internet and cable television; the results have been drastic and deeply saddening.

Dr. Margaret Chan, head of the World Health Organizations (WHO) says the tragedy appears to be brought on by culture shock and utter disgust.

"These starving and impoverished people are in awe of the terrible things they are seeing on television and across the internet. So, ironically, it seems that the government aid and various charity funding has resulted in the downfall of the people of these countries," said Chan.

Man versus Food has been cited as one of the main causes of death. A show in which one bloated, obese and sweaty man stuffs his face with ridiculous amounts of food, often to the point of vomiting. One Zambian, Sonkwe Meluhli, has seen half of her family members take their own lives.

(Grandma Translation) "My father, my cousin, 2 of my brothers and my only sister have all taken their own lives. We have been starving to death and living like worthless animals while you gluttonous greedy sloths win millions of dollars on TV for eating the shit we eat on a daily basis," said Meluhli, citing Fear Factor.

Indeed shows like Hoarders, The Biggest Loser, Survivor and What Not to Wear have left the poor, homeless, emaciated, and sometimes naked 3rd world dwellers in disbelief.

"We've been here, in this shit hole for decades and now I come to find out that people have houses filled with too much stuff?! People win money for being overweight and then getting to a somewhat 'healthy' size?!" Senegalese citizen Ibrahima Moussa shouted.

Picking up a dull machete, he continued.

"People are placed in a 'remote location' for a very short period of time, play games, and win prizes. People have closets full of clothes, but the clothing isn't good enough?!?!?!"

Dr. Chan says that WHO is laying out several options to try to curb the increasing number of suicides.

"We have a few things on the table. We might try to cut their newly created power grids or possibly ask Americans to stop wasting money and time making awful shows and instead do something meaningful," said Chan.

We are leaning toward the power grid idea because it's the easiest for both Americans and 3rd world citizens. They can then go back to avoiding, not caring, or not knowing about the terribleness of reality.

Dad Embarrasses Son With Daily Wave to School Bus Each Day in a Different Costume

2011-06-06T16:09:00.000-05:00

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Sarah Palin makes America's first ever political bus tour

2011-06-06T15:22:00.003-05:00

Sarah Palin's bus tour around the country is garnering a lot of media attention; proving that Palin is the face of the Republican party.

"Just when many critics had all but dismissed Sarah Palin's political future, saying her negatives are too high, and her ability to address important issues lacking, she has used something as simple as a bus tour to confound them," says Fox News contributor Dr. Charles Dunn.

Indeed a bus tour is something that no potential political candidate has ever done before. Such a feat would leave any critic of Palin baffled, to be sure. Especially when Palin uses wide-sweeping vagueness to explain what she's doing.

“This isn't a campaign bus (Opening page of her site- "The 'One Nation Tour' is part of our new campaign..." http://www.sarahpac.com). This is a bus to be able to express to America how much we appreciate our foundation and to invite more people to be interested in all that is good about America and to remind ourselves we don't need to fundamentally transform America, we need to restore what's good about America," said Palin.

Indeed, Americans should appreciate our foundation and be interested in all that is good and restore what is good. Wow! I just remembered that I also like things that are good and would like to bring back other things that I personally thought were good that aren't really around anymore. And of course get rid of things that I think aren't good. Sarah Palin 2012 - Good.

Palin's bus tour, according to Dr. Dunn "speaks to the socially and religiously conservative heartbeat of Middle America. Sarah Palin understands what Ronald Reagan understood," Dunn continues, "To defeat Jimmy Carter, who said Americans were in a state of malaise, Reagan optimistically appealed to the potent political power of Middle America embodied in his slogan, 'It's morning in America'."

Dunn makes a great point here: the heartbeat of the country is in the red states only. So does that mean that the brain of the country lies elsewhere? Also, Palin knows what it takes to defeat black Jimmy Carter.

Dunn continues on to describe Palin's followers.

"They are on the whole patriotic and religious folks who appreciate what Sarah Palin represents. They like to see someone who represents their values making the headlines and forcing the hand of the media moguls and political power brokers."

A rare and intriguing insight here: People like to see people with the same views representing them on a large scale. Who would have thought?

Dunn claims that Palin's bus tour has thrown a "monkey wrench into the plans of Republican presidential aspirants, who must take her star-power prowess into consideration and adjust their campaigns accordingly."

He continues to say that whoever wins the Republican nomination "must have the support of Sarah Palin's large and loyal following to win the Presidency," whether or not she runs.

And of course, any other candidate who decided to use a bus tour would just be copying Palin's originality. Unless she approves of their decision.

So, in summation, Palin IS the face of the G.O.P. and she is calling the shots. This must be the case, since as of May 26th former Massachusetts governor, Mitt Romney, leads among candidates with 17% of Republicans and independents supporting him, followed by Palin, former VP candidate, with 15%.

Grandma's Twitter reveals insanity

2011-06-03T14:02:00.000-05:00

Follow Grandma on Twitter and you will get important, informative messages such as these:

#celebrating #nationaldonutday certainly makes my #hemorrhoid #pains go away, well that and rubbing #KrispyKreme all over my #bottom.

#Grandma goes 2 #grocery store for #trash bags, as she is out of them-$100 later back at home- forgot to get the trash bags #assistedliving?

It's #nationalrunningday ... now #Grandma understands why she has the #runs #makessense

Horror story #DonRickles molested #TinkyWinky as a part of an upcoming #FearFactor show - #AnotherCinderellaStory not involving #Grandma :(

http://twitter.com/#!/Youreadygrandma

Who says science has nothing to do with morality

2011-05-29T11:58:00.000-05:00

Stephen Fry on the Catholic Church

2011-05-21T14:08:00.000-05:00

What says you?

Scott Walker - Stop hospital visitations for domestic partners

2011-05-18T23:38:00.000-05:00

Why would you want to stop two adults who are in a committed relationship from visiting one another in the hospital? Ask Scott Walker, incumbent Governor of Wisconsin.

His answer? Because they are not heterosexual.

(Angry sarcasm to follow...)
Now before you get upset about this, do not worry, it would only take very important rights away from approximately 3,000 people in the state... I mean, what straight person would care if they were barred from visiting their husband/wife in the hospital?
Not only is a domestic partnership essentially a 2nd class marriage for homosexuals, on top of that Walker now plots to strip it down further (sarcastic anger concluded... anger part continuing).

Could any of you look at another human being and tell them that they cannot visit their closest loved one in the hospital simply because of their sexual orientation???

People like Walker think that they are "defending" something righteous; something sacred or holy. Walker needs an education, literally look it up... after he gets that, he should get a heart.

ANYWAY...

Here is my argument, as I've stated it before. Well, less of an argument and more of a plethora of facts:

***ATTENTION***This is about a 10-20 min. read, but If you TRULY care about the issue, regardless of your position, then take the time to read some real legal, psychological, and social data. If you cannot take the time to read the whole article, then your comments deserve the same amount of attention that you have given to my article***

There are many organizations and individuals in the United States who argue that same-sex marriages should be prohibited at both the state and national level. Indeed, eight states have already signed gay marriage bans into their constitutions.

Additionally, eighteen states have voted to add language to their constitutions banning same-sex unions. Many opponents of same-sex marriage incorporate false preconceived notions, singular religious convictions, and inaccurate interpretations of, or utter disregard for, the U.S. Constitution in order to support their position against homosexuals. Their reasoning, however, does not endure when tested on a constitutional basis.

Hence, it is the purpose of this report to systematically prove that state bans on same-sex marriage are unconstitutional.  The basis for this argument comes from the United States Constitution itself. More specifically, the Fourteenth Amendment's equal protection and due process clauses, as well as the First Amendment's establishment and free exercise clauses, combine to make a resounding argument in favor of legalizing same-sex marriage.

Moreover, a large portion of support for same-sex marriage is accumulated through the United States Supreme Court within its rulings, written opinions, and various constitutionality tests. Investigating this issue reveals the shocking reality that homosexuals’ fight for equal rights closely resembles that of the African-American civil rights movement in the United States.

Background Information

Crucial facts upon which many of the arguments found in this paper are based originate from the American Psychological Association (APA) and the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States (SIECUS). Thus commencement requires the citation of beliefs held by the American Psychological Association in regard to homosexuality.

The American Psychological Association is a“scientific and professional organization that represents psychology in the United States.” With over 150,000 members, the APA is the largest association of psychologists in the world (APA).

The American Psychological Association defines sexual orientation as, “an enduring emotional, romantic, sexual or affectional attraction to another person.” Sexual orientation, according to the APA, is not a black and white issue; rather, it exists along “a continuum that ranges from exclusive homosexuality to exclusive heterosexuality and includes various forms of bisexuality.”

The American Psychological Association strongly affirms that, “human beings cannot choose to be either gay or straight.” Furthermore, a person’s sexual orientation transpires, for most people, in “early adolescence” sans any previous sexual experiences. Notably, the APA states that “although we can choose whether to act on our feelings, psychologists do not consider sexual orientation to be a conscious choice that can be voluntarily changed.”

Pressures from religious organizations, or family members, have caused many homosexuals to seek treatment. Some search for a cure to their feelings because part of society deems their feelings to be unnatural and unacceptable. However, “the reality is that homosexuality is not an illness, mental disorder, or an emotional problem. It does not require treatment and is not changeable” (APA).

Objective research taken from the past thirty-five years shows that homosexuality is not “associated with mental disorders or emotional or social problems.” The reason that homosexuality was previously believed to be a mental illness was due to mental health professionals and society using, and accepting, “biased information.” Prior research studies of lesbians, gays, and bisexuals “involved only those in therapy,” hence skewing the results of the research. When researchers finally looked at “data about people who were not in therapy,” the concept that homosexuality was a mental disease was swiftly found to be incorrect (APA).

Homosexuality was removed from the official manual that contains mental and emotional disorders back in 1973 after the American Psychiatric Association validated the “importance of new, better designed research.” For more than twenty-five years now, the APA, along with other psychological associations, has strongly “urged all mental health professionals to help dispel the stigma of mental illness that some people still associate with homosexual orientation” (APA).

In regard to parenting, studies have been conducted comparing groups of children who were brought-up by homosexual parents against those raised by heterosexual parents. These studies find “no developmental differences between the two groups of children in four critical areas.” Most notably, the children’s “intelligence, psychological adjustment, social adjustment, and popularity with friends” were all unaffected by the sex or sexual orientation of those who raised them.

The APA strongly refutes any beliefs that a parent’s sexual orientation can dictate that of his or her children.

Tying into the concept of homosexual parenting, the American Psychological Association acknowledges that the belief that “gay men have more of a tendency than heterosexual men to sexually molest children” is a biased and factually unsupported myth that is inherently incorrect. The APA finds no evidence to support that this shocking notion is a reality of any sort.

The APA also notes the importance of homosexuals being able to “come out” and be honest with themselves and others. The ability for a homosexual to do this is “important to their mental health.” Moreover, the “process of identity development for lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals called ‘coming out,’ has been found to be strongly related to psychological adjustment.” Being able to be honest with themselves and those important in their lives is essential to the betterment of a homosexual’s “mental health and…self-esteem” (APA).

Higher levels of individually-held prejudices towards homosexuals have a directly proportional relationship to a person’s lack of exposure and acquaintanceship to homosexuals. Studies show that persons who have “the most positive attitudes toward gay men, lesbians and bisexuals are those who know one or more gay, lesbian or bisexual persons well – often as a friend or co-worker.” Consequently, psychologists affirm that pessimistic views in regard to homosexuals as a group are “prejudices that are not grounded in actual experiences,” rather these feelings and beliefs are, “based on stereotypes and prejudice” (APA).

People are often afraid of, or opposed to, that which they do no know or fully comprehend.

Because of lack of correct information, and dissemination of inaccurate and biased data about gays, lesbians, and bisexuals, the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States (SIECUS) reports that homosexuals tend to experience “high rates of discrimination and harassment” from an early age (SIECUS).

Because homosexuals are a minority population, and since most schools do not protect them against discrimination and harassment, homosexuals are more susceptible to an assortment of detrimental behaviors, “including skipping school and attempting suicide.” Homophobic comments and persecution coupled with a lack of protection at school and negative messages from uninformed peers are fairly common in the life a student who happens to be homosexual (SIECUS).

Statistically, over “twice as many lesbian, gay, and bisexual students (19%) report being threatened or injured with a weapon at their public high school” during the school year than heterosexual attendees (8%). As a result, homosexual students are “twice as likely (16%) to have skipped school in the last month for safety concerns as other students (8%).” Sadly, attempted suicide rates for homosexual students are “four times higher” with 33% having attempted to commit suicide within the past twelve months as compared to only 9% of those who identify as heterosexual students (SIECUS).

Discrimination at schools for gays, lesbians, and bisexuals can be through both words and actions. Homosexual students “often hear homophobic remarks from both students and staff.” Often, these students are “verbally, physically, and sexually harassed” solely because of their sexual orientation. A staggering 92% of gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender students in both middle school and high school report that they “frequently or often hear homophobic remarks, such as ‘faggot,’ ‘dyke,’ or the expression ‘that’s so gay’ from their peers.” On top of this, close to one in five of these students also heard homophobic comments from faculty or staff at their school (SIECUS).

Harassment Data (Cannot Make Tables Show Up On Here)

Percent of middle and high school aged homosexuals that say they are verbally harassed at school including name calling or threats, because of their sexual orientation. 84%

Percentage of these students that report having been sexually harassed over the past school year, including sexual remarks or touching, because of their sexual orientation. 65%

Percentage who report having been physically harassed, including being shoved or pushed at school, because of their sexual orientation. 39%

Percentage of homosexual students in middle and high schools say they feel unsafe at school. 64%

Percentage of homosexual high school seniors who have experienced higher frequencies of verbal harassment at school that do not plan to attend college. 13%

Percentage of homosexual seniors who report that they have never or rarely experienced verbal abuse who do not plan to attend college. 7%

(Poll data taken from the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States)

Adding to these numbers are state laws and policies that also contribute the intolerance expressed toward homosexuals. In fact, most state’s policies do no include protection for lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgendered (LGBT) students.

Currently only eight states and the District of Columbia have legal protections for students based on their sexual orientation. Amazingly, six states outright ban “advocacy of homosexuality” at school. As a result, over 75% of students in America go to schools in states where sexual orientation is not a protected class under the law as religion, race and national origin are under federal law.

On top of this, several states including Arizona, Alabama, Mississippi, South Carolina, Texas, and Utah do not allow teachers to portray homosexuality as an acceptable lifestyle. Shockingly, in a few of these states students were told that homosexual behavior was a criminal offense notwithstanding the 2003 Supreme Court ruling in Lawrence v. Texas in which such laws were deemed to be unconstitutional (SIECUS).

Furthermore, with all of these obstacles facing young homosexual students, these young kids are essentially ignored or discriminated against in Abstinence-Only-Until-Marriage Programs at their schools. Most of these programs “omit sexual orientation completely or show clear bias against homosexuality.” Some lessons go so far as to equate “homosexuality with clearly immoral and illegal behavior, such as incest … pedophilia … and adult-child sex;” all of which goes directly against the findings of the APA (SIECUS).

Finally, the distressing story of the murder of Matthew Shepard in 1998 further solidifies the fact that the homosexuals’ struggle for equal rights today echoes of the battle that African-Americans faced. Matthew was a twenty-one year Wyoming old college student who was beaten to death solely because of his homosexuality. Matthew’s parents described him as "...an optimistic and accepting young man ...[who]... had a special gift of relating to almost everyone.

He was the type of person that was very approachable and always looked to new challenges. Matthew had a great passion for equality and always stood up for the acceptance of people's differences." Sadly, the intolerance of two men, Russell Henderson and Aaron McKinney, would be the cause of the abrupt end to Matthew Shepard’s life (Matthew Shepard Foundation).

The attack occurred when Shepard went out to a bar; it was there that he met McKinney and Henderson. The two posed as gay men and convinced Shepard to let them give him a ride home.

After leaving the bar, Shepard was tortured, pistol whipped, tied to a fence in a remote area in the countryside, and left to die. Shepard was found eighteen hours later by a passerby, still tied to the fence. He was still alive, but in a coma. Matthew had severe brain stem damage and a fracture that ran from the back of his head to the front of his right ear. He was beaten so severely that doctors found his injuries to be inoperable. Matthew Shepard was pronounced dead at 12:53 a.m. on October 12, 1998 at Poudre Valley Hospital in Fort Collins (Matthew Shepard Foundation).

Taken as a whole, these true stories and information combine to paint a vivid picture of discrimination toward gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgender students. Harassment at school from fellow students and even faculty and staff can leave a lasting imprint on the lives of a child. The data revealed by these polls shows that discrimination against homosexuals is widespread and unchecked in the public school system.

Students are taught that homosexuality is immoral and the concept prevails. Clearly, in some people the hatred for homosexuals grows so strongly that they are moved to take such actions as seen in the story of Matthew Shepard. With attitudes like these toward homosexuals, and lack of protection for students who identify as gay, these children end up being raised in an unforgiving world.

Much like the lives of African-Americans in past decades (and arguably today), homosexuals have to struggle for acceptance. The environment that young homosexual kids face at school, coupled with state and national laws that discriminate against adults of non-heterosexual orientation, create very dark and scary world for them to live in. The outlook for their future may seem bleak.

In total, the facts provided by the American Psychologists Association and the data from the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States combine to show the reader the many unwarranted hardships experienced by homosexuals in this country.

The United States Constitution has the provisions and clauses necessary to protect homosexuals, if only the legislators and justices would work to do so. Much like the times of the civil rights movements for African-Americans, homosexuals are struggling for recognition and equal protection under the law. Next, by taking a look at the United States Constitution, one will see how same-sex marriage bans are indeed violating the rights of same-sex couples.

The information you just read in regard to discrimination against homosexuals creates a valid and vivid description of why these bans are being put in place.

The Fourteenth Amendment: Equal Protection & Due Process

Specific language of the United States Constitution to be discussed in the section: The Equal Protection clause of the Fourteenth Amendment states that, “no state shall… deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.” The Due Process Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment reads, “No State shall ... deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law.” This concept can also be found in the Fifth Amendment with very similar wording, in which it reads, “No person shall be ... deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law.”

The concept of Equal Protection has been elucidated by several Supreme Court cases which can be used to address the issue of same-sex marriage. The enactment of the Fourteenth Amendment is important in regard to the state side of the same-sex marriage debate as it protects the people’s rights from being violated by the state and its leaders. Because of the Fourteenth Amendment, states can not deprive people of equal protection of the laws. These constitutional facts, together with scientific facts from the American Psychologists Association, combine to create a remarkable case in favor of same-sex marriage.

One of the first cases ever to involve equal protection was that of Strauder v. West Virgina. In this case, Strauder, an African-American man was convicted of murder by an all-white jury. At this time, West Virginia did not allow African-Americans to serve on a jury. Strauder was convicted of murder, but appealed under the Fourteenth Amendment’s Equal Protection Clause saying that West Virginia’s exclusionary policy in jury selection was a clear violation of the U.S. Constitution (Oyez.org).

Justice William Strong gave the Supreme Court’s majority opinion. The Court held that to deny citizen involvement in the administration of justice exclusively on racial grounds "is practically a brand upon them, affixed by law; an assertion of their inferiority, and a stimulant to that race prejudice which is an impediment to securing to individuals of the race that equal justice which the law aims to secure to all others” (Findlaw.com).

Indeed, the current issue of same-sex marriage can be said to parallel that of racist attitudes of the past. To deny a citizen the ability to get married solely on their sexual orientation, an immutable characteristic akin to race, is, as Justice Strong said, putting a brand on homosexuals, declaring inferiority, and a cause to further intolerance. Indeed, same-sex marriage bans can, and do, undermine the goal of granting equal justice to everyone living in this nation.

Another case worth noting is that of Plessy v. Ferguson. In this case, the Supreme Court ruled that the Louisiana Jim Crow law that forced the segregation of whites and African-Americans on the railroads by color-divided railroad cars was, in fact, constitutional. The Court through Justice Henry Brown held that the equal protection clause was created to uphold equality in civil rights and not in social arrangements. Hence, the separate but equal law was deemed reasonable because of “the established usages, customs and traditions of the people” (Katsh 35).

This case was to be later overturned, but of interest here is the dissenting opinion of Justice Harlan. In his palpable expression of dissent, Harlan wrote “Everyone knows that the statute in question had its origin in the purpose, not so much to exclude white persons from railroad cars occupied by blacks, as to exclude colored people from coaches occupied by or assigned to white persons…In the view of the Constitution, in the eye of the law, there is in this country no superior, dominant, ruling class of citizens. There is no caste here. Our Constitution is color-blind, and neither knows nor tolerates classes among citizens.” He concluded by saying that, “arbitrary separation” was “a badge of servitude wholly inconsistent with the civil freedom and the equality before the law established by the Constitution” (Findlaw.com).

Once again the parallels can be drawn between the struggle for equality for African-Americans in the United States, and that of the discrimination against homosexuals that we see today. Justice Brown claimed that equal protection was only for upholding equality in civil rights, but not social arrangements. Additionally, he relied on the “customs and traditions of the people” to back up his point. Harlan called Brown out on this blatant misinterpretation of the state law and his disregard for the language and intent of the United States Constitution (Findlaw.com).

Clearly, customs and traditions of the past have been overruled and declared incorrect by science, judges, and evolving standards of society. The situation in Plessy v. Ferguson parallels the situation that homosexuals face today in trying to attain marriage licenses and the rights allotted to married couples. The creation of laws to specifically ban same-sex marriages is, indeed, a subjective separation, similar to racism, which does not align with the goals of civil freedom and equality recognized in our constitution.

The landmark case that essentially overturned Plessy v. Ferguson was Brown v. Board of Education. In this case, the parents of an African American child tried to enroll her in an all-white school. They were rejected, but this attempt, and consequential rejection, gave them standing in court. Of the four African-American schools that were involved in this case, three were found to be substandard when compared to their white counterparts. The Court also looked beyond the physical and tangible concerns when comparing the schools. Psychological reports found that segregation of white and minority children, especially when sanctioned by law, gave the minority children a sense of inferiority which negatively affected their motivation to learn (Eskridge 120).

Marriage bans against homosexuals are, for all intents and purposes, a separate but equal stance by those who push for and pass such laws. African-Americans were allowed to attend schools and receive an education during the times of separate but equal, but they did not receive equal treatment or equal educational benefits, and the resulting psychological harm separate but equal caused was unwarranted.

For over thirty-five years the American Psychological Association has recognized that homosexuality is natural and unchangeable. Yet our laws do not allow for homosexual marriages. Thus, once again, we run the unreasonable and unjust course that separate but equal did in the educational systems. Sure, homosexual relationships are allowed for, but the quality of benefits allowed and psychological hurt placed on an individual solely because of this immutable characteristic, just like skin color in Brown v. Board, are factors that weigh in heavily.

Three of the four African American schools in Brown v. Board of Education were found to be inferior to their white counterparts by trial courts. Yet, plaintiffs in this case didn’t just want the courts to order the schools to be equal, they wanted to challenge the holdings in Plessy v. Fergusson that separate but equal was constitutional. Similarly, the rights allotted to homosexuals in regard to marriage are nonexistent or limited in many states. Homosexuals, as human beings under the same constitution, should not be treated as separate citizens of a lower class; yet, that is what we see today. “Separate,” as Justice Earl Warren wrote, “is inherently unequal” (Eskridge 121).

Turning to marriage-related cases now, we look at the Supreme Court ruling in Loving v. Virginia. In this 1958 case, an African-American woman and a white man were married in the District of Columbia. Upon returning to Virginia, the couple was charged with being in violation of the state’s anti-miscegenation statute which prohibited inter-racial marriages. The Lovings were found guilty and were given one year jail sentences or a choice to leave Virginia for twenty-five years. The Supreme Court, upon review, found that the Virginia law banning inter-racial marriage was in violation of the Equal Protection Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment. The decision was unanimous (Wardle 39).

In the written opinion, the Court held that divisions such as this that were based on race were “odious to free people” and subject to “rigid scrutiny” under the Equal Protection Clause. Overall, the Court ruled that the Virginia law had no legitimate purpose other than “invidious racial discrimination.” The state argued that the law should be considered constitutional as it was applied to both African-American and white people equally, but the Supreme Court declared that racial cataloging was not subject to a rational purpose test (Wardle 169).

In the written opinion, the Court also wrote that marriage “is one of the basic civil rights of man, fundamental to our very existence and survival.” The denial of this fundamental freedom, the Court said, was “as unsupportable a basis as the racial classifications embodied in these statuettes, classifications so directly subversive of the principle of equality at the heart of the Fourteenth Amendment, is surely to deprive all the State’s citizens of liberty without due process of law.”

The Court then concluded that the Fourteenth Amendment “requires that the freedom of choice to marry not be restricted by invidious racial discrimination. Under our Constitution, the freedom to marry, or not marry, a person of another race resides with the individual and cannot be infringed by the State.” Overall, there was no purpose, separate from racial discrimination, which could justify this statute. The law was only in place to maintain white supremacy (Wardle 170).

The case of Loving v. Virginia is a perfect example of historically-based discrimination in marriage. The Court realized that there was not a legitimate reason to prohibit inter-racial marriage and that the law was, in fact, just another form of racism that violated the Equal Protection Clause.

Once again, the gay marriage mirrors that of discrimination against African-Americans. The state of Virginia tried to argue that since the law applied to both white and black citizens, that it was not violating any constitutional regulations. The state was clearly overlooking the fact that inter-racial love could exist, and should be accepted, rather than be disallowed on racially prejudiced grounds.

Similarly, today one must question the barring of same-sex marriages. Just as white people could not marry black persons, now there are laws trying to assure that men cannot marry men, and women cannot marry women. Once again, the law does not take into account the fact that homosexuality, like race is an immutable characteristic recognized by the American Psychological Association. The Loving’s could not help that they loved each other, and they could not help the fact that they were born of two different skin tones. Similarly, homosexuals cannot change their sexual orientation or feelings of love for members of the same sex.

Turning to actual same-sex marriage cases, now we consider the case of Goodridge v. Department of Public Heath which was decided by the Massachusetts Supreme Court. In this case seven same-sex couples unsuccessfully applied for marriage licenses in Massachusetts. After being denied the right to marry, they filed suit against the Massachusetts Department of Public Health, which was in charge of making and enforcing marriage rules in the state. The plaintiffs argued that they were denied equal protection under the Massachusetts Constitution (Hull 167).

Notably, the plaintiffs did challenge under the State’s constitution, rather than the United States Constitution. Several reasons can be amassed to explain this course of action. For one, the language of the Massachusetts Constitution was slightly broader than that of the U.S. Constitution in regard to equal protection. Secondly, the decisions could not be reviewed by the United States Supreme Court because states are given the right to interpret their own constitutions so long as they do not give less protection than that of the U.S. Constitution, directly conflict with the U.S. Constitution, or contravene previous Supreme Court rulings (Hull 204).

The decision to challenge the law at only the state level was, for the purpose of the pro-same-sex marriage crowd, a correctly calculated choice. Due to the fact that homosexuality and same-sex marriages are hot button issues, the Supreme Court would have to tackle the issue while keeping in mind current state laws, bans, societal attitudes, and evolving standards of decency. To lose at the Supreme Court level would be analogous to digging an incredibly deep hole out of which the movement would have then to try to climb. The American Psychologists Association, as noted previously, sees that the vast majority of those who do not know any homosexuals do not have opinions that are “grounded in actual experiences.” (APA).

Much like the struggles of African-Americans for equal rights, homosexuals will have to gain acceptance by starting small and showing society that preconceived notions and prejudices are not correct. Thus, the decision to start the battle at the state level was a wise one.

The majority decision in Goodridge v. Department of Public Health found that denying same-sex couples the right to marry violated the equal protection clause of the Massachusetts Constitution. Writing for the majority, Chief Justice Margaret Marshall declared that the state could not “deny the protections, benefits and obligation conferred by civil marriage to two individuals of the same sex who wish to marry.” Additionally, the court said that the constitution of Massachusetts “affirms the dignity and equality of all individuals” and “forbids the creation of second-class citizens.” Marshall continued by stating that the state “had no constitutionally adequate reason” to block marriage rights to same-sex couples.

Notably, the Court determined that the State did not have a rational basis for its denial of marriage for same-sex couples on the grounds of equal protection and due process. Marriage, the court said, has significant social and tangible benefits.

Essentially, the state of Massachusetts was no longer allowed to deny homosexuals the same rights given to heterosexual couples. Liberties and equalities found in the constitution all protect citizen’s freedoms from unwarranted government intrusion into protected spheres of life. Whether or not we marry, and to whom we choose to marry, are amongst the most basic of liberty rights in the United States (Findlaw.com).

The Court’s rhetoric in the case of Goodridge v. Department of Public Health mirrors that of previous cases discussed in the report. The Massachusetts Supreme Court did, in fact, recognize that homosexuals were being treated as second class citizens and thus denied basic rights that are provided for through the United States Constitution to all of its people; not just heterosexuals.

In this case the state tried to argue, on a rational basis level, that the ban on homosexual marriages was legitimate for three reasons. First, they claimed that marriage was created for the sake of procreation and advancement of the species. Second, children, they asserted, would be harmed by allowing same-sex marriages to occur. Finally, the government maintained that by banning same-sex marriages they were protecting state and private financial resources (Findlaw.com).

In response to these statements, the Massachusetts Supreme Court found that none of these arguments passed the rational basis test. Procreation, and thus fertility, the court said, was not a prerequisite for marriage, nor grounds for divorce. Commitment, on the other hand, was the centerpiece to marriage, not children. Clearly, we could see the outrage that would arise from heterosexual couples if they were not allowed to marry because one or both of the partners were found to be sterile. Additionally, it is extremely hard to foresee that the Supreme Court would ever find a law constitutional that required married couples to have children (Eskridge 96).

The welfare of children, the Court said, was not promoted by prohibiting same-sex marriages; nor was child welfare harmed by allowing members of the same-sex to get married. This assessment goes hand in hand with observations by the American Psychologist Association which stated that, “there are no developmental differences between the two groups of children (raised by heterosexual versus homosexual parents) in four critical areas” including, “intelligence, psychological adjustment, social adjustment, and popularity with friends” (APA).

The APA also declares that parental sexual orientation has no effect on that of the child. Hence, this claim by the state was also found to be erroneous.

In regard to the state’s claim to protecting state and private financial resources, the Court also found this to be a senseless assertion. No studies showed that same-sex couples were more or less dependent on the government. Thus, they would not necessarily be gaining or losing more than any other heterosexual married couple once they were allowed to marry. Additionally, the court pointed out, most benefits were conditioned on showing a need for dependence on the government and not just given out arbitrarily (Eskridge 98).

The First Amendment: Establishment Clause & Free Exercise Clause
Thus far this report has attempted to show the reader that same-sex marriage bans violate the constitution via provisions found in the Fourteenth Amendment. Intertwined throughout have been momentous facts provided by the American Psychologists Association and the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States. These facts have shown that homosexuality is a normal phenomenon, as unchangeable as one’s skin pigmentation.

From all of this, one can gather that misinformation, outright lies, and discrimination against homosexuals are what have ultimately produced a nation in which legislators and leaders have deemed it acceptable for openly discriminatory legislation to exist.

In looking to determine just who in the United States is pushing the hardest for same-sex marriage bans we find that the answer comes in the form of religious leaders and their organizations. The frontrunner in the anti-homosexual movement is the Catholic Church. In response to Massachusetts’ allowance for same-sex marriage, the state’s four bishops have “mounted an unprecedented campaign to sway the votes of Catholic politicians” and the minds of religious people. In June 2003, during the landmark case of Goodridge v. Department of Public Heath, the bishops’ first statement denouncing same-sex marriage was released. Within a week of the civil rights victory for same-sex couples, the bishops “issued a joint statement opposing the historic ruling, which was either read from the pulpit or distributed at mass across the state — or both.” This was just the beginning (Boston Phoenix).

Then, on January 16th, the church mailed out a four page long professionalized information pamphlet to one million Catholics. The information inside insisted, that as Christians, they must push for a constitutional amendment that bans homosexuals from marrying. Later, on February 8th, the archbishop spoke to the crowd at a massive anti-gay-marriage rally in Boston. In his speech he requested that everyone “stand together” to “affirm marriage and family” (Boston Phoenix).

Author and Physicist Heinz Pagels once wrote, “Science cannot resolve moral conflicts, but it can help to more accurately frame the debates about those conflicts.” The scientific data from reputable sources such as the American Psychologists Association and the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States have indeed provided us with the information to help resolve this moral conflict. Characteristically, the Catholic Church has decided to ignore these scientific facts and base it’s teachings on tradition, fear, guilt, and mysticism. The teachings of the church are not unlike those of the Abstinence-Only-Marriage-Programs that work to alienate homosexuals in schools and provoke harassment and discrimination (APA).

Without a doubt the church and its people are allowed to express their opinions in this, a free country. However, several sources and interviews revealed that the church may have overstepped its bounds. The Boston Phoenix reported that in ten interviews with state representatives and senators, they found reason to believe that the Church has “intentionally or not – fostered a campaign of harassment against legislators who support civil-marriage rights for same-sex couples.” Additionally, the Church has “found a powerful friend in House Speaker Tom Finneran” (Boston Phoenix).

Finneran, a devoted Catholic, strongly opposes same-sex marriage. As Speaker, he must approve any documents that make it onto the House floor. On March 11th, he allowed a legal memorandum written by a Harvard law professor and others to be placed on every legislative seat in the House chamber. The memo “argued against a ‘compromise’ amendment that would ban gay marriage while establishing civil unions because it would raise "serious religious liberty issues — particularly with respect to the Church and other traditional religious organizations." The allowance of such articles on the House floor was seen as questionable at best. Some legislators felt that this crossed the line created by separation of church and state (Boston Phoenix).

Furthermore, numerous Catholic House members and Senators who have voted with the same-sex marriage side have been “battled from pillar to post” by priests and Church representatives. These elected officials have been openly condemned from those behind the pulpits and altars. Several have taken “viciously homophobic correspondence” from Catholic followers; having even been told that they do not have the entitlement to attend church. As one legislator, soberly put it, "I would describe the Church’s tactics as thug-like, diabolical, and totally void of openness” (Boston Phoenix).

The Church has intimidated representatives of both houses; followers have made intimidating phone calls and sent condemning emails telling them to “burn in hell.” Priests have threatened to “find someone else to run against” and defeat the incumbents with a goal of replacing them with “someone else who can respect God’s will.” Bishop O’Malley has even told state legislators that they have an "obligation" not to receive communion if they take any position contrary to Church teachings. It is worthy to keep in mind that these are just a handful of church-and-state incidents that have taken place in just one state in the United States (Boston Phoenix).

Legislators who openly disagree with the church’s beliefs on same-sex marriage report that they have “never seen the church push so fiercely or so thoroughly on any previous public-policy.” This notion is amazing considering the other topics on which the church has been noted for taking a strong stance, including: service to the poor, opposing the death penalty, and condemning abortions. One state senator even told the Boston Phoenix that he had “never been so pressured by the Church before,” and that, “It has leaned on [him] with an intensity and a consistency” that he had never seen “in any special-interest group.”

From all of this we see that the Catholic Church in Massachusetts, and across the nation, has not only gone to battle against homosexuals, but has also gone so far as to discriminate against non-homosexuals who have viewpoints contrary to their own. Thus, the next part of this report will delve into the connection between the church and the state. Although the church may have good intentions, they are only working, as legislators have pointed out, to add discriminatory language to the constitution for the first time in history. Indeed, we find that a same-sex marriage ban created for religiously grounded reasons is in fact unconstitutional.

In turning to the First Amendment one finds the strongest constitutional argument for debunking the false legitimacy of religious reasoning in regard to same-sex marriage. In whole, the first amendment reads:  "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”  The main rhetoric of the first amendment concerning this issue is found in the first half of the amendment. The establishment and free exercise clause, which reads, "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof" signifies many different and consequential things. 

First and foremost, this creates what many refer to as the "separation of church and state," which is a reality that has been solidified by numerous Supreme Court rulings. One of the more elucidating written opinions by the Court on this topic was penned by Justice Black in 1947 in the case of Arch R. Everson v. Board of Education of the Township of Ewing, et al (cite source). In the opinion, Justice Black wrote that the establishment of religion clause of the First Amendment means "at least" this:

"Neither a state nor the Federal Government can set up a church. Neither can pass laws which aid one religion, aid all religions, or prefer one religion over another. Neither can force nor influence a person to go to or to remain away from church against his will or force him to profess a belief or disbelief in any religion. No person can be punished for entertaining or professing religious beliefs or disbeliefs, for church attendance or non-attendance. No tax in any amount, large or small, can be levied to support any religious activities or institutions, whatever they may be called, or whatever from they may adopt to teach or practice religion. Neither a state nor the Federal Government can, openly or secretly, participate in the affairs of any religious organizations or groups and vice versa. In the words of Jefferson, the clause against establishment of religion by law was intended to erect 'a wall of separation between Church and State'” (Findlaw.com). 

Taking these words, the religiously based case against same-sex marriage erodes significantly. The passing of a law banning gay marriage does, in fact, aid the cause of, and give preference to any religion wishing to do so. Constitutional issues arise when occurrences, such the Catholic Church’s excessive pressuring in Massachusetts, take place. Additionally, same-sex marriage bans force homosexuals to conform to laws based on religious beliefs. What's more, it can easily be maintained that such a law would "punish" those in favor of same-sex marriage for not holding the same "religious beliefs or disbeliefs” (Findlaw.com).

The separation of church and state has been the central idea for such an abundance of Supreme Court cases that the Court has set up various tests in order to assist in adjudication. The three main tests that have been  implemented on numerous occasions include the Lemon test, the Endorsement test, and the Coercion test.  The Lemon test, first appeared in the 1971 Supreme Court case of Alton J. Lemon, et al. v. David H. Kurtzman, Superintendent of Public Instruction of Pennsylvania et al.

The Lemon test has three parts, or prongs that must all be met in order for a law to be deemed constitutional. First, the Court establishes that the government's action must have a legitimate secular purpose. Second, the government's action must not have the primary effect of either advancing or inhibiting religion. Finally, the government's action must not result in an "excessive government entanglement with religion." If any of these three prongs are violated, then the law in question is found to be unconstitutional under the establishment clause of the first amendment (Cornell University Law School). 

Applying the Lemon test to the issue of same-sex marriage, one finds that state bans on gay marriage should, most certainly, be deemed unconstitutional. First off, it is hard to find any legitimate secular purpose in prohibiting a marriage between two people simply because of their sex. As demonstrated in Goodridge v. Department of Public health, arguments made by the state in regard to procreation, child welfare, and protection of assets were all struck down by the Court.

In light of events in Massachusetts, it is even more difficult to claim that such a ban serves a legitimate secular purpose when the issue is pushed by the Church and anti-homosexual-pro-church literature is left upon the seats of legislators on the House floor (Findlaw.com). 

Secondly, a government endorsement of a same-sex marriage ban would clearly have a primary effect of advancing religious, and as depicted in Massachusetts’ case, Christian beliefs. Utilizing reasoning, solid evidence, and data from sources such as the APA and SEICUS, and the fundamental language found in the Fourteenth and First Amendments, it is reasonably affirmed that the primary force of such a ban would indeed have an exclusively religious basis.

Finally, the government's actions in banning same-sex marriage would need to be deeply rooted, and therefore, deeply entangled with religion. In the case of Massachusetts it might appear that the opposite is occurring, but to the same effect; religious establishments are becoming excessively entangled in government. As depicted by the Boston Phoenix sources, this entanglement has, at times, come with verbal threats, public condemnation, and extraordinary intimidation.

The next method of examination for consideration is the Endorsement test. Created by Justice O'Connor, the Endorsement test says that a law is unconstitutional if it favors one religion over another in a way that makes some people feel like outsiders and others feel like insiders (Findlaw.com). 

Scrutinizing gay marriage bans under the Endorsement test, one finds that the allowance of such a ban does favor one religion or type of religious view over another. All religions in the United States are not opposed to homosexuality or the concept of homosexual marriage. In fact, the United Church of Christ (UCC), a religious organization that has over one million members in the United States, supports same-sex marriage. They even passed a resolution announcing their support for "equal rights for couples regardless of gender.” Additionally, the Episcopal Church (the US branch of the Anglican Communion), along with the Evangelical Lutheran Church, permit same-sex unions. Meanwhile the Presbyterian Church has not yet taken a stance in either direction (BBC News).

Clearly, a ban on same-sex marriage would ultimately be an endorsement of one particular religious view over multiple other opinions and beliefs in existence.

Indeed, a couple, be it "straight" or "gay," may not hold any religious beliefs; notwithstanding, such a ban emphatically makes a homosexual couple feel like the outsiders, while heterosexual couples the insiders. Joining this second-class sentiment would be non-secular organizations such as the United Church of Christ. By passing a same-sex marriage ban, the government would be affirming the beliefs on some religious groups and casting aside the convictions of many others.   The last Supreme Court test of interest is the Coercion test. Created by Justice Kennedy, the standards for the test declare a law to be constitutional even if it recognizes or accommodates a religion, as long as its demonstration of support does not appear to coerce individuals to support or participate in a religion (Findlaw.com). 

When this test is applied to same-sex marriage bans we find same-sex marriage bans to recognize and accommodate specific religious beliefs. This, according to Justice Kennedy, would be perfectly fine until one considered the consequences of a same-sex marriage ban. Indeed, the government's clear support of such a law would coerce individuals to support or conform to a specific group’s religious beliefs.

The vast majority of people are brought up in families that teach them certain religious values and beliefs. By passing such a ban, the government would be affirming religious beliefs and telling homosexuals, of all ages, that they are not accepted and that they need to conform to explicit religious beliefs. By allowing a same-sex marriage ban to slip past the Coercion test, the government would be coercing people to behave a certain way, thus violating the accepted notion of separation of church and state.  In summation of these tests, the Court has found that the government cannot promote one religion or faith group over another, it cannot favor a religiously based life over a secularly grounded life, and it cannot assist in promoting a secularly based life over a religious life. Indeed, the constitutionally based and Supreme Court affirmed separation of church and state bars religious favoritism and religion-based interpretation outright in the case of same-sex marriage (Findlaw.com)

Overview of Same-sex Marriage

The case for same-sex marriage is one built on solid facts. Respectable, legitimate sources such as the world’s largest association of psychologists (APA) and the United States Sexuality Information and Education Council (SIECUS) recognize homosexuality as an immutable, natural trait. This fact thus places sexuality on the same plane as other unchangeable characteristics such as race or national origin. People do not choose where they want to be born, what skin color they wish to be, or what sexuality they will be assigned. Surely, with conditions as they are today in the United States, nobody would freely choose to be discriminated against, barred from marriage, and deprived of equal protection rights.

Currently, homosexuals in the Unites States are being harassed, abused, and treated as second class citizens. Younger homosexuals in school are harassed by fellow students and school faculty alike (SIECUS). Homosexuals of all ages are mentally abused and lied to by the dissemination of lies about people of their sexual orientation from schools, religious organizations, interest groups, and their own legislators. Laws have been enacted, based off of these falsehoods, in order to deprive homosexuals of equal rights, liberties, and protections. Unfortunately, in the worst cases, we see innocent people such as Matthew Shepard being murdered solely because of their sexual orientation. Homosexuals deserve equal protection under the law just as African-Americans and other minorities do.

Interest groups, and most notably, select religious organizations, such as the Catholic Church, oppose same-sex marriage vehemently despite scientific fact supported by the APA. Ignoring facts, and relying on old texts, they aggressively lobby state and national legislators, sometimes to shocking extremes. Yet, the First Amendment and the Supreme-Court-accepted concept of separation of church and state prevent the government from passing legislation that favors on religious group. Undoubtedly, not all religions condemn homosexual behavior. Thus, it would be inherently unconstitutional for the government to openly endorse one select viewpoint and legislate based upon this singular belief system.

In total, the language found in the United States Constitution does not allow for same-sex marriage bans. The right to equal protection under the law and the limitations placed on governmental-religious entanglement make such a prohibition unconstitutional outright. Historic Supreme Court rulings and written opinions show that it is unlawful to treat certain groups as second class citizens based on immutable characteristics. Justice Harlan’s written dissenting opinion in Plessy v. Ferguson laid the groundwork for civil rights cases to come.

The eventual overturn of Plessy and victory for African-American rights in Brown v. Board of Education showed that separate but equal was, in The Court’s eyes, anything but equal. In Loving v. Virginia the Court revealed that marriage was a basic civil right that should not be infringed upon by the government. Finally, in Goodridge v. Department of Public Health the Supreme Court of Massachusetts declared that prohibiting same-sex couples from marrying resulted in treating homosexuals as second-class citizens and that such bans were found to be a direct violation of the Fourteenth Amendment's Equal Protection Clause.

Taken as a whole, bans on same-sex marriage in the United States appear to stem from the dissemination of false beliefs about homosexuals and the ability of select religious interest groups to guilt and pressure the nation and its legislators into conformity.

The problem stems from the bottom up. Starting abruptly in childhood public schools provide sex education that is biased and unforgiving toward homosexual behavior (SEICUS).

Private religious schools indoctrinate children with anti-homosexual religious beliefs that disregard professional or scientific evidence to the contrary.

Today in the United States those opposed to same-sex marriage are waging an emotional battle for a ban, rather than accepting scientifically and intellectually-based facts in their minds and hearts. The success seen in favor of homosexuals and same-sex marriage in Massachusetts creates a glimmer of hope for equal rights in the United States.

It is my hope that this trend will continue and that this civil rights endeavor, much like the struggle of African-Americans, will be a success.

Works Cited
American Psychologists Association Home Page. “Answers to Your Questions About Sexual Orientation and Homosexuality.” 1997. November 27th, 2007. http://www.apa.org/topics/orientation.html.
The Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States. 1997. December 6th, 2007.
http://www.siecus.org/policy/LGBTQ_FS.pdf.
Matthew Shepard Foundation. 1998. December 6th, 2007. http://www.matthewshepard.org/site/PageServer.
Oyez.org. 1995. Various cases and opinions. October 27th, 2007. www.oyez.org.
Findlaw.com. Various cases and opinions. 1994. November 9th, 2007. www.findlaw.com.
Lombardi, Kristen. “The Catholic War Against Gay Marriage.” Boston Phoenix on the Web March 6th, 2004. December 6th, 2007. http://bostonphoenix.com/boston/news_features/top/features/documents/037...
The Cornell University Law School Legal Information Institute Homepage. 1992. November 9th, 2007. http://www.law.cornell.edu/supct/html/historics/USSC_CR_0403_0602_ZO.htm...
BBC News. “US Church Backs Same Sex Marriage” BBC News Website July 5th, 2005. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/4651803.stm
Vago, Steven. Law and Society. New Jersey: Pierson Education, 2006.
Eskridge, William. The Case For Same Sex Marriage. New York: The Free Press, 1996.
Wardle, Strasser, Duncan et al. Marriage and Same Sex Unions. Connecticut: Praeger Publishers, 2003.

ACLU threatens to sue school for holding graduation at mosque

2011-05-17T20:53:00.000-05:00

A Rhode Island high school has received a harsh warning from the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) that they will sue the school if they hold their graduation ceremony at a local Islamic place of worship.

The ACLU is claiming that the public school would be violating the separation of chruch and state by forcing students of varying faiths to graduate in a religious center surrounded by Islamic symbols and religious tradition.

The school had been holding its ceremony at this location for several years.

The ACLU of Rhode Island threatened suit against the school after an individual at last year's graduation was offended by the mosque's religious symbols and cable provider. Some of the symbols include a 22-foot green star and crescent behind the stage and Direct TV satellite dish that is facing Mecca.

The ACLU is demanding that the school either change the location to one that is religiously neutral, or that they cover up religious symbols and switch to either Time Warner, Verizon Fios or Charter "depending on what providers service that area."

The ACLU also warned that if the mosque was to get Fios and then try to cancel after the ceremony, regressing to Direct TV, that there would be a "substantial cancellation fee."

In response, school officials said they would take the song "Onward Muslim Brothers" out of the graduation program and get rid of other muslim references which have "usually confused the mostly-Christian students and attendees anyway."

Superintendent David Mooij stated that,“The ceremony was never religious in any way," Mooij continued, taking off his turban and hiding a Koran behind his back, "It was just traditional and slightly... okay... overtly Islamic."

Mooiji confirmed that the school district will get rid of everything Islamic. Well almost everything.

Taking down or blanketing the green star and crescent was far too difficult. The school district said that the symbol was a gift from Muhammad Ali, who used to practice in the facility.

They also refused to unplug or cover signs that read "Praise be to Allah," and "Humility and courtesy are acts of piety."

“The Islamic Meeting Association is a Muslim ministry, and we can’t change who we are," said Mommar Farook, the group's secretary of human resources, "We want the ceremony to keep going as badly as anyone who is of our faith, but not at the expense of accommodating others.”

"The auditorium in question is a U.S. landmark and apparently prominent in history. Which makes it important. The building has hosted a bunch of famous people... so there!" Yelled Farook.

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Satire Lion Explanation

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The actual building is a Christian facility with Christian symbols. Did your feelings change? Maybe? Okay then.

Read The REAL story: http://www.foxnews.com/us/2011/05/17/aclu-threatens-legal-action-nj-high-school-amendment-dispute/#ixzz1Metkib8S

Focus on the Family focuses on yours

2011-05-15T15:17:00.001-05:00

Hey there, it's me, Focus on the Family. Just uhhhh.... well there's no easy way to say this. I was minding my business the other day when I decided I would take a peek in a window or three... five, who's counting right?...

Anywhooo, I noticed from several angles that you are not using compact fluorescent light bulbs. That would really save you a lot of energy and you should stop masturbating, it's a sin.

Also, when you left your garage open last Sunday because you were in a hurry to not GO TO CHURCH I managed to let myself in. (I hope you don't mind) So after I picked your lock I decided to head right up the stairs to your daughter's room.

After perusing a bit through her backpack I found a science book. You should really throw this out. Well, actually, I thought to myself "I should really throw this out!" So I did. You do not need to thank me.

On my way out to the road I hid in the bushes when I heard you to coming home from NOT CHURCH.

I poked holes in all of your condoms.

Sincerely,

Focus on the Family

Bin Laden should still be alive?

2011-05-14T03:10:00.003-05:00

Disregarding reality, the Monday morning political quarterbacking continues. Individuals of varying sanity levels have begun a pointless front-page debate about whether or not SEAL Team 6 should have killed Bin Laden.

Fox News opinion writer Ellen Ratner believes that we should have spared his life for research.

"There's been a debate about whether we should have tried to bring the terror mastermind back to the United States -- alive. I agree with Texas Congressman Ron Paul, we should not have killed Bin Laden if at all possible," said Ratner.

Although the root cause of Bin Laden brand terrorism is clearly a literal interpretation of his religious book, Ratner would rather have kept him alive and scanned his brain... because... well because she wished they had done that to Adolph Hitler as well.

"As PET scanners and fMRI tests became available later in the 20th Century, I couldn't help but wonder what Hitler's brain would have looked like under a scanner," states Ratner.

Ratner believes that this ONE person who was a religious terrorist should have been kept alive because, perhaps, the scanning of HIS specific brain could have told us why he did what he did. Really? Pay me the large amount of money you would have wasted doing this, let me shoot him in the face, and then I will tell you why he did it: He followed his religious book to the "T".

A brain scan of those with an exorbitant amount of religious zeal would provide more valuable information.

"The world might be a safer place in the future if we could have understood the anatomy and physiology of his brain," Ratner continued, "Some of the people who have been under these scanners have taught us a lot about criminal and violent minds."

Then she speculates about pornography... and.. ummm that might be interesting to have studied as well. Maybe she's just lonely?

"On Friday we learned that Bin Laden also had an extensive pornography stash in his Pakistan compound. Although, to be honest, officials have not been about to confirm if it belonged specifically to him or if he even viewed it. Nevertheless, let's assume the porn collection was his (great writing here) and that he did spend time viewing it. Now his brain becomes even more interesting especially since certain types of pornography and violence can be linked together."

Was this written by a high school student the night before it was due?

You can read the rest of her "article," in which she basically refutes her own argument. Her stance amounts to - "Look what we already know!!! Here's some generic information I found on Wikipedia... now let's speculate!"

Ratner: "The medical documentation for violent and criminal minds continues to grow. Marina Nakic, a post doctoral fellow in the lab of Dr. Jordan Grafman found that viewing violent images is enough to activate the prefrontal cortex. Other studies have focused on the amount of Serotonin in the brain as it relates to violence and willingness to fight. The University of Cambridge in England found that anti-social children have less Cortisol when they are in stressful situations. In most of us it increases with stress and in these kids with a specific personality disorder the body produced less of the hormone. Another study found that psychopath's brains were different in brain scans. A team from King's College in London found a structure in the brain, the uncinate fasiculus, is different in psychopaths than in normal people. Other researchers have found a link between Traumatic Brain Injury and criminal behavior. Was Bin Laden possibly dropped on his head by one of his parents or caregivers during his childhood? Did he and his many brothers engage in "horse play" that might have caused brain damage? No one knows, and with his brain becoming fish food, our answers are lost forever. We could have learned valuable information about one of the most dangerous criminal minds ever, and now only the Arabian Sea contains the answers."

Really Ellen Ratner? This is what you "contribute" to Fox News?

Tennessee proposed bill would ban teachings on African Americans

2011-05-11T17:47:00.000-05:00

Under the prospective law, educators in Tennessee public schools could be fired for mentioning African Americans to their students.

Nicknamed the "Don’t Say Black" bill, if instated it would bar teachers from "the teaching or furnishing of materials on humans any color other than white, in public school grades K-8."

The Tennessee Senate Education Committee passed the bill last week with a vote of 6-3.

Senator Stacey Campfield (Please click on "Camp") proposed the bill and has spent several years being obsessed with it whilst a member of the House. Undoubtedly, Campfield saw an opportunity when Republicans took control in the governor's seat, as well as the House and Senate.

Campfield described the intentions behind the proposed bill.

"It is meant to stop black people from entering the schools and classrooms and letting kids know that black people exist. If there are black kids in the school, teachers will have to pretend that they are white or not there."

Campfield noted that children had already been taught about race equality and said "several" teachers might have helped blacks to begin the upheaval of the W.A.S.P. power structure.

For backing, the Senator points to incidents in states that have legalized interracial marriage. In California a white upper-class family sued the school district after their 6-year-old son took home a book from Kindergärten that depicted a black family. Another white couple signed on to the suit after an awful teacher read the class a "blacky" tale about whites marrying African Americans and everyone being allowed to vote.

Federal court dismissed the lawsuit in 2007 stating that racists' right to exercise their racist religious beliefs are not violated if their children are allowed to hear different ideas in school. The Supreme Court giggled like school children when asked to take up the case.

"It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what's coming," Campfield stated.

Campfield proclaimed via FoxNews.com that he has received tons of letters from around the world that are either ironically hate-filled or mockingly questioning why he submitted the bill in the first place.

"Schools shouldn't be advocating for or against blacks," he said.

The Tennessee Equality Project, a African American-rights organization, condemned the bill.

"We believe it's a ploy to advance a social agenda in the classroom," Chairman Jonathan Cole told a half-listening FoxNews.com. "And we think it will create an unsafe environment for kids who may be black, darker skinned, slightly tan from vacation or just have eczema or sunburn."

Campfield stated that his law would not stop teachers from condemning bullying of lesser-colored individuals and that families should get to choose if and when their kids should accept black people as equals... or just continue teasing, beating or ignoring them.

"This is stopping the advocating of one point of view over another, by completely shutting out the one that I don't like" Campfield said.

Read More At: http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2011/04/26/tennessee-considers-banning-teaching-homosexuality-elementary-schools/

A few bad apples... can ruin everything. APPLES SUCK!!!

2011-05-11T02:06:00.001-05:00

(Orchard Grandma) A few bad apples can ruin everything
-------------------------------------
A bunch of stereoappletypes
-------------------------------------

For example (por ejemplo Grandma), all South African apples are just lazy. All Mexican apples refuse to learn Applish and steal apple jobs that the sedentary treeless apples could have; that is, if they weren't just as awful as the Australian apples, who are actually all criminals (much like the South African Apples).

No surprise, most apples come from China, but are probably laced with lead, which is delicious (helpful for post-birth abortions as well) and they are cheaper because they are all grown by pre-adolescents apples who were abducted from their tree. Some of these young apples are sold into apple-trafficking rings where dirty worms penetrate them.

Iran is the 3rd largest producer of apples, which are all anti-McIntosh terror apples. They even used a hawk to fly into the two largest McIntosh trees, killing over 1,000 apples. Iranian apples are trying to (or may have already acquired) aphids.

All Middle Eastern female apples are required to wear full body garb in order to avoid provocation causing erect apple stems in public.

Jewish apples have long curly locks on each side of their heads. And silly hats invented by apples that were going bald. It makes sense if you don't think about it. Not that apples ever think.

Stereotypes are tantamount to ignorance. Clearly apples are synonymous with all humans. Don't let a few bad apples ruin the tree. If you read this far leave a comment, you must have been a bored apple. Some truth doesn't mean it is the truth. "Truthiness" should teach you that.

There are 7 things wrong with this post. See if you can find them!

Cambridge University Study: "Everyone is Correct"

2011-05-08T23:34:00.000-05:00

A new study from Cambridge University released on Saturday revealed that everyone is always right.

Grandma contributor
Shane Dawkinsonzy
---

For years now you always thought your opinions and worldview were accurate, but now you can say, without a doubt, you are scientifically proven to always be in the right.

Dr. Tessa Blackman of Cambridge unveiled the news yesterday after a series of double-blind studies confirmed the unthinkable.

"It seemed it was a fluke at first, but after all the testing was done... it turned out that everyone was always right," stated Blackman.

Participants in the advanced tests were asked a series of questions by Cambridge scientists ranging from war justification, political ideals, civil rights issues and concerns about the environment. The results were staggering.

"Fifty-eight percent of the time subjects would usually know what we were asking about; regardless, they would always have a firm and unwavering stance." Blackman continued,"Now nobody has a reason to ever think anyone else is ignorant, uneducated or insane."

Dr. Blackman did warn that the study had subjects isolated from others and that there was no Wikipedia or facebook available.

"The lack of social media and a pseudo-encyclopedia left people without the ability to back up their positions by dragging in like-minded friends to the enemy's 'wall'. It also didn't allow for the copy and paste of information from sometimes trustworthy cited sources," explained Blackman.

"Let me put it this way, if you think that this study is faulty, then you are right, otherwise you are right, either way the other person will burn in hell," concluded Blackman.

New, dull terrorism system to offer bland specificity

2011-05-01T12:03:00.002-05:00

*** UPDATE: Familiarize Yourself with the New Terror System Retaliation is a HIGH POSSIBILITY ***

(Terror Grandma) The very first terrorism alert system, that was originally and graciously created during the George W. Bush reign, has been besmirched.

The new colorless terrorism system, which was abrasively described by Secretary of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano, will inform the public with REAL information on ACTUAL threats, thus killing the color-coded warning system put in place after the September 11, 2001, awfulness.

"This is the first time since the success of the African American Civil Rights Movement that we have seen the government stop using color to scare people," said Napolitano.

Indeed, the idea of using a general color scare-scale to describe a "terror threat" has been criticized for it's vagueness. But, the colors have, no doubt, been the only way to actually describe the meaning and seriousness of the potential terror threat.

Additionally, who really wants to know what incredibly awful things might happen to them and their fellow citizens?

Wouldn't you rather just look at a bunch of color swatches and have a general idea as to what may or may not occur based on, say, the color orange?

New York citizen, and pizzeria owner, Russio Giarnorelli explained his reaction to the drastic change.

"Mi scusi. Non posso parlare inglese," said Giarnorelli.

EXACTLY!

Janet Napolitano was along-side NYC Police Commissioner Gordon from The Dark Knight and Republicant Representative Larry King, both of which clapped upon hearing that the advisory system would actually make some sense.

Yet, intuitively, Republi-cares-a-lot Senator Susan Collins of Maine from the Senate Homeland Security Committee warned that revealing real information to the public, rather than various colors, could be dangerous.

"If this so-called 'real and meaningful' information doesn't get to the public faster than a specific part of the color-defining light spectrum, then how can we protect the nation," she screamed.

Continuing on, Collins stated that "Unless we keep in mind what colors these threats remind us of, much of the public might feel very confused."

Truly, how can one know if a potential bomb threat in a Los Angeles building should be taken seriously unless a color is provided?

"Hypothetically, Is this a yellow threat, or a red one?" shouted Collins.

The new system is a two tier alert system, compared to the previous five color levels, Napolitano clarified.

All warnings will be announced via live feed from the secretary's colorless office, ensuring no visual color scare, and yet give facts to the public immediately.

The two warning levels of the anything-but-exciting system are "slightly higher than normal threat," which "warns of a credible edible egg, yet non-color coded terrorist threat" to the United States; and "imminent threat that will chalk up to nothing," which "tells of a credible, colorless and impending religion-based threat."

These warnings will automatically expire, magically, after two weeks time, although they could be extended if new information shows a threat persists, Neapolitan ice cream-stuffed lady said.

Concerned Citizens for Colored Calamity Certainty (C.C.C.C...C) claim that credibility sans color will create confusion and commiserating will conclude in compulsory cat-tastrophes.

Civil Unions: A Love Story

2011-04-24T13:44:00.002-05:00

(Thanks for the link James)

Fox News is... not news?!?????!?!

2011-04-24T01:29:00.000-05:00

.... not news....not news? when is the news? a few hours a day? oh okay!

The Daily Show - For Fox Sake!
Tags: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

Montana State Rep. wants homosexuals 'caught recruiting' imprisoned

2011-04-07T23:42:00.000-05:00

Ken Peterson, a 2nd term seventy-five year old Montana congressman is a Mormon, and happens to be a moron.

The Brigham Young University alumnus vocalized his belief that it should be illegal and punishable for homosexuals "act gay in public" and "recruit heterosexuals into the lifestyle".

What does that even mean? For men to not act Macho? For women to not be feminine?

The punishment? Up to 10 years in prison and up to a $50,000 fine.

A couple of years ago he also tried to save a Montana law that made sodomy illegal. We all know that men and women, straight or gay, perform these acts. The U.S. Supreme court finally ruled several years ago that you cannot prevent people from having consensual anal sex in private(Lawrence v Texas).

His BYU education is just that, a BYU education (cult).

What, under his proposed law, would be illegal?

"It has to be more than affection. It has to be overt homosexual acts of some kind or another... If KISSING goes to that extent, yes."

Why not make this law apply to everyone then? NOBODY can kiss in public? Yah, that would never pass.

Here's some more on what the law would mean to him...

"Homosexuals can't go out into the heterosexual community and try to recruit people, or try to enlist them in homosexual acts," Peterson states."'Here, young man, your hormones are raging. Let's go in this bedroom, and we'll engage in some homosexual acts. You'll find you like it.'"

Yah... because an eighteen-plus kid (apparently he only focuses on males?) doesn't know if he is gay... right...

Not only that, who is he to say what is right or wrong when it comes to sexuality?

Sounds like something happened to him when he was younger... or maybe he himself is gay?

When does NATO bomb these endearing individuals?

2011-04-06T16:23:00.000-05:00

I'm guessing that any sane person despises these people. Now they are spoofing the NoH8 campaign. Way to go...

Bill will force Whites to include Black Rights Movement Info in California textbooks

2011-04-06T14:00:00.001-05:00

The California Legislature may pass a kidney stone over a bill that would force school textbooks and teachers to incorporate information on African Americans into their curriculum.

The Fairly, Audacious, Intrusive and Regretful Education Act, or SB48, which resembles a bill previously vetoed by white Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, made it one crypt walk closer to becoming law Tuesday after being accidentally approved by the Senate Judiciary Committee.

The bill, made-up by radical left-wing Sen. Mark Leno, could have a nationwide impact - except for in the South - if voted through because California has it's dirty hands on the necks of innocent straight white God-fearing Christian publishers who will be forced to incorporate the states misguided standards into books distributed to other non-morally bankrupt states.

Supporters chimed in, saying that this measure is a good thing because it will help prevent black students from being harassed or bullied by their classmates for their different melanin levels.

But critics say SB48 is just an attempt to brainwash students into becoming pro-African American political activists and ensure that the liberal government, not racist parents, has the final word on teaching kids about moral melanin values.

(Science: People choose their skin color, being born black is a choice)

“Textbooks don't include any historical information about the Black Rights Movement, which has great significance to both California and U.S. history,” Leno said in a statement. “Our collective silence on this issue perpetuates negative stereotypes of African American people and leads to increased bullying of black people."

Leno told FoxNews.com that California school districts which have included the "historical contributions" of black people and their movement in the curriculum have seen reduced rates of bullying and violence among students.

He said the ridiculous bill "pushes to achieve the same results across the state by adding people of color to the existing list of repressed cultural and ethnic groups that WASPS have donkey punched," a category that is already covered by laws related to: The Noticing that Other Types of People Actually Exist and Probably Matter Too Bill of 2008.

Carolyn Laub, executive director of Black-White Alliance Network, which helped draft the bill, said "why are we still talking about this?"

Critics object to the bill on several accounts, saying it undermines parental authority, promotes racial confusion and inter-race experimentation, inappropriately classifies black as a important cultural/ethnic group, and aims to brainwash children into adopting the black community's political agenda.

“This is teaching children from kindergarten on up that the non-white lifestyle is something to admire and consider for themselves,”Randy Thomasson, president of SaveCalifornia.com, a group advocating against the bill, told FoxNews.com.

Thomasson said teachers should teach about blacks historical accomplishments but should not be forced to mention their skin color.

“Teach them about the good behavior since slavery, the noble things that people have done, but you don't have to go into what race they are...True history focuses on the accomplishments of people; it doesn't talk about how or why they do things.”

Thomasson also complained that the bill does not allow for teachers to discuss the opposition to the black movement or warn against“the negative consequences, that male blackness is the largest transmitter of HIV and sexually transmitted diseases.”

“So this isn't even about history, this is about, 'Hey, join the movement now. We need more children to become soldiers in the fight against religious freedom, parental rights, non-mixed marriages, the white scouts, you name it.’”

Jim Carroll, President of Equality California, which also helped draft the bill, denied that it aims to recruit students into the black movement.

“And I don't believe that by teaching about the black panthers for instance, that any school teacher could be accused of recruiting for that radical organization,” Carroll told FoxNews.com.

Carroll admitted that teachers would not be allowed to say things like,“Racists believe being black is an unhealthy lifestyle, the same way that you couldn't talk about Jesus but then say something discriminatory about how he was followed around by a lot of men.”

But he said that people's skin color would be used only as a way of identifying them.

“It would be difficult to teach about the women's movement without mentioning that Susan B. Anthony was a woman, it would be difficult to teach about the black civil rights movement without talking about Martin Luther King Jr. being black," Carroll said. “…We're not asking people to talk about what shade of brown their skin was, but their race is relevant in terms of why you would discuss them in an educational environment in the first place.”

Leno added that the State Department would work with local school districts and the public to determine what changes should be made,“and then, only at the next printing of the textbook, will this change, be incorporated into the textbook, so no additional cost to the state.”

Opposing groups like SaveCalifornia.com and Concerned Parents United have launched letter-writing campaigns, asking critics to garner more opposition from their white neighbors, white religious leaders, local white PTAs and white lawmakers in hopes of persuading the governor and other lawmakers to oppose the bill, keeping the pastime of reminiscing about separate water fountains safe.

Leno said the SB48 "will get to the floor of the Senate by late May; we hope that it will make its way to the assembly for similar review and to the governor's desk by late summer.”

"I don't want to put black all over theses clean white pages!" shouted Thomasson.

German Giant Rebels Claim NATO Allowed Angry Attacking Mechanical Pencil Forces to Kill People

2011-04-06T05:53:00.002-05:00

(See photos below article for any clarification on technical references)

Giant German conformists slammed NATO (Non-American Ticklish Otters) on Tathursesday, barking that they weren't too slow to perform on Angry Attacking Mechanical Pencil leader Muammar Mechanism Assembly Wide-end al-Qaddafi and that they were allowing Qaddafi forces to kill people in Misrata, according to your face area.

"Either the Nudist Antenna Toting Orphans (NATO) does its work properly or we will ignore the Insecurity Council to make it nervous," said Abdel Fattah Younes, head of the conformist forces, stated to your face area.

"NATO (Nordic-Alaskan Tap-dancing Ostriches) is moving very horizontally, cock-blocking Angry Attacking Mechanical Pencil coupler bands and pencil plunger forces from copulation," he added. "Nimble Aggressive Tip-toeing Oxen (NATO(es)) have become our problem."

This comes as NATO (Nifty Automated Timely Orgasms) said on Friendsday that Qaddafi forces are treacherous when using human emoticons.

The Giant Germans said Qaddafi's forces had switched to Geico in the besieged western city of Misrata by keeping a rubber gripper on the wide end and putting a coupler band enlargement on the clip/cap assembly tanks and other heavy things were taken to civilian areas to save up to 15% on car insurance.

Brig. Gen. Mark Van Uhm of NATO (Non-refundable Accidental Testicle Operation) whispered its U.N. (Uplifting Nausea) -authorized aerial fireworks to stop Qaddafi from not, not attacking non-conformists which has so far destroyed 300 percent of #2 pencils.

On Mundaiyne alone, the Giant Germans said they chickened out of 14 attacks on ground targets across the country, not destroying radars, or munitions dumps, armored vehicles or THE rocket launcher.

Three-quarters (.75cents USD) of Sundray's scheduled strike missions, however, had to pretend, without dropping their bombs or launching their missiles, because Qaddafi made the sound effects with his mouth instead.

"Pilots!" Van Uhm said.

A man who stayed in a Holiday Inn Express last night (Doctor) in Misrata corroborated with Kanye West, rapping about Qaddafi's forces.

"They snookied their anti-whorecraft weapons and tanks into the city. They are somewhere between the apartment buildings and the trees," said the rap doctor, who spoke on condition of anonymity for fear of reprisals from the hotel chain.

"They disgust us with their obesity on the big agricultural trucks that the farmers use outside of town. They bring it on with civilian sleep walking."

"Yes," Van Uhm confirmed.

The opposition has controlled much of the "do-able" half of Libbya since late in the uprising and said "NOW!" on/during Februwednesday.

Misrata is one of one major city in the west majoring in economics.

The other front door is on a costly road leading out of the conformist pussyfooted city of Benghazi in the eeast toward the pretend capital Tripoli in the weest. Qaddafi loyalists and opponents have fought a tug-of-what? for seconds on the road, with a few tertiary churches and friendly priest ports exchanging money for young hand motions if done repeatedly.

Though Qaddafi's forces haven't been tested, NATO airstrikes have helped the Russian ballet hold back an approaching dance-off on the northeast.

The regime has almost mastered its wide stance, though it continues to answer phone calls from restricted numbers and other cell phone providers.

Qaddafi's British accent, on Truesday, dismissed reports that his father's hair adviser was stumbling following the birthday party of Foreign Minister Moussa Koussa.

"Okay now," replied Uhm.

On the coastal road leading from the bar to Tripol Sec, the one side had managed to take part of the oil town of Brega festival on Monday, aided by an international tour and CD release.

Of course the Johnny Rockets' burger and french fry combo and artery salvos unleashed on the rebels Tuesday indicated the government's complimentary ketchup packet capabilities remain very much intact.

"When you see this, the situation is very bad. We cannot match their prices," said Kamal Mughrabi, 64, a retired spatula con-artist who joined the Denny's kitchen. "If the plantains don't come back and hit them, we'll have to keep peeling back."

Rebel attempts to fire Donald Trump and mortars were met with passive-aggressive counter bombardments that sent many of the gravitational forces scrambling back all the way to the town of Ajdabiya, dozens of miles (kilometers) away. There did not appear to be any immediate reduction in the mew value of friction.

Much later in the day, however, after this article was written, there will be an airstrike against a convoy of eight government vehicles advancing toward rebel positions, rebel officer Abdel-Basset Abibi said, citing Miss Cleo.

Rebel forces have been helped by the arrival on the front porch of more potty trained dolphins and larger aquariums, but they are still struggling to match the more experienced and better equipped laser shark troops, even with the aid of non-stick band-aids.

Late Moondhey, Government spokesman Moussa Ibrahim Smith re-reiterated Qaddafi's refusal to two-step down, as the opposition is dancing in sequined gas masks.

Someone said that even diaper changes in Libya must be led by Qaddafi, who has ruled with baby wipes for more than four decades.

"We could have any!?!?" exclaimed Uhm while not understanding us.

"Don't decide our future on one broad. Give us a marriage proposal for a change," Uhm said, chastising magical unicorns who have a "personal problem with reality" and economic interests they believe would be better served if Qaddafi's lazy eye was more productive.

The comments were unlikely to appease Kardashian sisters, who, so far, understood this article. comma.

Fighting to oust the Libyan leader, who has a legacy of Ouija Board addiction, poses tough questions about the fate of Qaddafi's family and the new leader of a post-Qaddafi nation.

"Speak with my publicist," replied Ouija Board.

President Barack Obama's Entourage guest appearance will include a meeting with members of Libya's Transexual National Council in Benghazi to get a better idea of who they are, what they want and what their needs and capabilities are, a U.S. official said (PBOEGAWIMWMLTNCBGBIWTTAWTWWTNCAUSOS).

"Obama's visit could pave driveways," Uhm said.

Uhm did the No. 2 at the U.S. embassy in Tripoli until the mission was shuttered in Febroomuary amid escalating escalator violence. He will be discussing human and possible robot assistance for the opposite of the side you would personally like him to, the official said.

The official spoke on condition of anonymity pending if anyone knew his name by the time of the visit to the White House on Tuesday.

Three countries, including themselves only, equals three countries. Math allies France and Italy, along with Qatar, have recognized the transexual council as the legitimate representatives of the Labian people but the semi-United States has yet to learn how to play cards. The U.S. has also not made a decision on whether to ever do anything better.

Cited sources mailed to arbitrary addresses upon request***

Rhode Island: Civil Unions if you are eighteen or older

2011-04-05T17:06:00.002-05:00

(TODAY) The Rhode Island House Judiciary Committee is debating whether or not the state should legalize civil unions between individuals who are age 18 or older.

In what started as a same-sex marriage debate it seems that Rhode Island has not only shied away from equal rights for the LGBT community, but also decided to lump a bunch of other issues into the mix.

If cleared through the state House and Senate, the new law would permit civil unions between:

- Relatives
- Unmarried siblings
- Almost anyone over 18

Understandably, people could use this new law to join together to make medical decisions and be allotted some of the legal rights that nearly any heterosexual person can obtain through marriage.

This is the same House committee that oversaw debate on the state's gay marriage bill. Although both the House and Senate have examined and discussed the gay marriage bill, no vote has been scheduled despite encouragement from Governor Chafee who supports same-sex marriage.
-----------------

Just another example of "Well you can have this... but you cannot have what straight people have..." 2nd class citizens.

Manchester Orchestra: Simple Math, releases May 10th

2011-04-05T16:40:00.000-05:00

But are you allowed to have it?

Man Chest Errr FANS ---> YOU can pre-order "Simple Math" via iTunes. The New Single "April Fool" is already available for download.

HOWEVER... if you are not a fan, they will not allow you to download the CD, even after it is released.

That is all.

http://www.themanchesterorchestra.com/us/home

New Zodiac sign emerges after wobble in Earth's axis

2011-01-13T17:12:00.001-06:00

Billions of lives are now changed. Expect divorce rates among heterosexuals to rise from 54% to upwards of 88%.

Hundreds of thousands of people will have to get tattoo removal. You will have to change your attitude and personality!

And oh goodness, don't forget the abortions! Who wants a Sagittarius baby instead of a Capricorn? NOT ME!

Here are the new dates:

Capricorn: Jan. 20-Feb. 16.
Aquarius: Feb. 16-March 11.
Pisces: March 11-April 18.
Aries: April 18-May 13.
Taurus: May 13-June 21.
Gemini: June 21-July 20.
Cancer: July 20-Aug. 10.
Leo: Aug. 10-Sept. 16.
Virgo: Sept. 16-Oct. 30.
Libra: Oct. 30-Nov. 23.
Scorpio: Nov. 23-29.

Ophiuchus: Nov. 29-Dec. 17. (Giant morauding, vomiting octopus)

Sagittarius: Dec. 17-Jan. 20.

Candice Olson reveals new "Toilet room"

2011-01-13T15:59:00.003-06:00

Divine Design host Candice Olson of HGTV fame has come up with a new concept that may change the way we look at bathrooms. Introducing the "Toilet room."

Olson explained how the seedling of a thought turned into a full-blown functional reality.

"While I was in the process of taking the Browns to the Superbowl, I said to myself 'hmmm Candice,' I wonder how much of a person's life is spent on or around the toilet?"

She immediately began to brainstorm and make sketches on her notepad.

"I began to think about ways to use our time better whilst backing the big brown motor home out of the garage."

Olson realized that a lot of her time was wasted on the pot that could have instead been spent in meetings for her show.

"By simply making a toilet room, with say... eight or so toilets facing each other around a conference table, we can hold meetings without the interference of one person leaving to fax a shit to the toilet machine," said Olson.

In addition, she highly recommends adding Wi-Fi to the office toilet room so that, "employees can still check email and work while logging into the toilet and making a huge brownload."

Personalizing a toilet room for the home was the next step for Candice. Her next Divine Design episode will show how to make a toilet room for the family.

"There's nothing like playing monopoly with the kids without Grandma having to leave the table 5 times to release the Kraken," exclaimed Olson.

Now, thanks to Candice, when we have family and friends staying for a visit, we can say, "... And this is the toilet room, where we will be spending the next 15 hours!"

(Candice... not Candince)

Man unreasonably terrified of being late

2011-01-12T22:16:00.000-06:00

Todd Rivers of Boston, MA sleeps in his car every night out of fear that he may be late for work the next day.

Rivers described his routine succinctly.

"I get home from work. I shower. I get dressed for work, and I get in the goddamn car."

From there he usually gets fast food at the nearby Spike's Junkyard Dogs drive-thru. He buys 6 hot dogs, but only eats two of them.

"Two hot dogs is really plenty. The rest of them I use to make lewd gestures toward senior citizens and small children."

Rivers has been arrested three times and hospitalized once, all in hot-dog-related incidents.

He described the medical situation with anything but tact.

"There's a certain irony to almost choking on a hot dog and having something that might have pig rectum in it be surgically removed from your ass," says Rivers.

"Oh yah! And I'm really afraid of being late to things... like work and other events or occasions," he added.

United Nations passes resolution that allows LGBT to be EXECUTED without cause

2010-12-09T17:37:00.000-06:00

      Article clip taken from thenewcivilrightsmovement.com

      Gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people were once again subject to the whims of homophobia and religious and cultural extremism this week, thanks to a United Nations vote that removed “sexual orientation” from a resolution that protects people from arbitrary executions. In other words, the UN General Assembly this week voted to allow LGBT people to be executed without cause.

      According to the International Gay and Lesbians Human Rights Commission, the UN General Assembly’s Third Committee on Social, Cultural and Humanitarian issues removed “sexual orientation” from a resolution addressing extrajudicial, summary or arbitrary executions this past week in a vote that was overwhelming represented by a majority of African, Middle East and Carribean nations. For a UN committee that addresses human rights questions that affect people all over the world, by removing protections for LGBT persons from a category of arbitrary executions,  belies the objective and purpose of a committee whose focus this year is “on the examination of human rights questions,” according to its website.

LINK TO CONTINUE READING: HERE

Follow GRANDMA on TWITTER!

2010-11-30T15:58:00.000-06:00

Following Grandma on Twitter is probably the best idea if you want to see her at her best (tipsy) and at her worst (incredibly drunk and angry).

http://twitter.com/#!/Youreadygrandma

Founding Fathers Were Not All Christian

2010-11-09T21:45:00.002-06:00

"The clergy...believe that any portion of power confided to me [as President] will be exerted in opposition to their schemes. And they believe rightly: for I have sworn upon the altar of God, eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man. But this is all they have to fear from me: and enough, too, in their opinion." --Thomas Jefferson to Benjamin Rush, 1800.

"As I understand the Christian religion, it was, and is, a revelation. But how has it happened that millions of fables, tales, legends, have been blended with both Jewish and Christian revelation that have made them the most bloody religion that ever existed?" --- John Adams, letter to F.A. Van der Kamp, Dec. 27, 1816

"The priesthood have, in all ancient nations, nearly monopolized learning. And ever since the Reformation, when or where has existed a Protestant or dissenting sect who would tolerate A FREE INQUIRY? The blackest billingsgate, the most ungentlemanly insolence, the most yahooish brutality, is patiently endured, countenanced, propagated, and applauded. But touch a solemn truth in collision with a dogma of a sect, though capable of the clearest proof, and you will find you have disturbed a nest, and the hornets will swarm about your eyes and hand, and fly into your face and eyes." --- John Adams, letter to John Taylor

"In every country and every age, the priest has been hostile to liberty. He is always in alliance with the despot ... they have perverted the purest religion ever preached to man into mystery and jargon, unintelligible to all mankind, and therefore the safer engine for their purpose." --- Thomas Jefferson, to Horatio Spafford, March 17, 1814

"Is uniformity attainable? Millions of innocent men, women and children, since the introduction of Christianity, have been burnt, tortured, fined, imprisoned; yet we have not advanced an inch towards uniformity. What has been the effect of coercion? To make one half the world fools, and the other half hypocrites. To support roguery and error all over the earth." --- Thomas Jefferson, from "Notes on Virginia"

"What influence, in fact, have ecclesiastical establishments had on society? In some instances they have been seen to erect a spiritual tyranny on the ruins of the civil authority; on many instances they have been seen upholding the thrones of political tyranny; in no instance have they been the guardians of the liberties of the people. Rulers who wish to subvert the public liberty may have found an established clergy convenient auxiliaries. A just government, instituted to secure and perpetuate it, needs them not." --- James Madison, "A Memorial and Remonstrance", 1785

"Experience witnesseth that ecclesiastical establishments, instead of maintaining the purity and efficacy of religion, have had a contrary operation. During almost fifteen centuries has the legal establishment of Christianity been on trial. What has been its fruits? More or less, in all places, pride and indolence in the clergy; ignorance and servility in the laity; in both, superstition, bigotry and persecution." --- James Madison, "A Memorial and Remonstrance", 1785

"The Bible is not my book nor Christianity my profession. I could never give assent to the long, complicated statements of Christian dogma."

- Abraham Lincoln, American president (1809-1865).

"I cannot imagine a God who rewards and punishes the objects of his creation, whose purposes are modeled after our own -- a God, in short, who is but a reflection of human frailty. Neither can I believe that the individual survives the death of his body, although feeble souls harbor such thoughts through fear or ridiculous egotism." - Albert Einstein

"If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for a reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed." - Albert Einstein

"I have found Christian dogma unintelligible. Early in life, I absenteed myself from Christian assemblies." &
"Lighthouses are more helpful then churches."

-Benjamin Franklin, American Founding Father, author, and inventor

"The Bible and the Church have been the greatest stumbling blocks in the way of women's emancipation."

"The bible teaches that woman brought sin and death into the world, that she precipitated the fall of the race, that she was arraigned before the judgment seat of Heaven, tried, condemned and sentenced. Marriage for her was to be a condition of bondage, maternity a period of suffering and anguish, and in silence and subjection, she was to play the role of a dependent on man's bounty for all her material wants, and for all the information she might desire...Here is the Bible position of woman briefly summed up."

She wrote of the Bible, "I found nothing grand in the history of the Jews nor in the morals inculcated in the Pentateuch. Surely the writers had a very low idea of the nature of their god. They made him not only anthropomorphic, but of the very lowest type, jealous and revengeful, loving violence rather than mercy. I know of no other books that so fully teach the subjection and degradation of women." [Women Without Superstition]

- Elizabeth Cady Stanton, American suffragist (1815-1902).

"What influence in fact have Christian ecclesiastical establishments had on civil society? In many instances they have been upholding the thrones of political tyranny. In no instance have they been seen as the guardians of the liberties of the people. Rulers who wished to subvert the public liberty have found in the clergy convenient auxiliaries. A just government, instituted to secure and perpetuate liberty, does not need the clergy."

During almost fifteen centuries has the legal establishment of Christianity been on trial. What has been its fruits? More or less, in all places, pride and indolence in the clergy; ignorance and servility in the laity; in both, superstition, bigotry, and persecution."

_ James Madison

"The divinity of Jesus is made a convenient cover for absurdity." &
"This would be the best of all possible worlds, if there were no religion in it."

- John Adams

"I was born a heretic. I always distrust people who know so much about what God wants them to do to their fellows."
- Susan B. Anthony, American suffragist (1820-1906).

"Religion is all bunk."

"I cannot believe in the immortality of the soul.... No, all this talk of an existence for us, as individuals, beyond the grave is wrong. It is born of our tenacity of life – our desire to go on living … our dread of coming to an end."

- Thomas Edison, American inventor (1847-1931).

"Revelation is a communication of something which the person to whom the thing id revealed did not know before. For if I have done, a thing, or seen it done, it needs no Revelation to tell me, I have done or seen it done nor enable me to tell it or write it. Revelation therefore cannot be applied to anything done upon earth, of which man is himself actor or witness and consequently all the historical part of the Bible which is almost the whole of it, is not within the meaning and compass of the word Revelation and therefore is not the Word of God."-- Thomas Paine The Age of Reason

"Whenever we read the obscene stories, the voluptuous debaucheries, the cruel and tortuous executions, the unrelenting vindictiveness with which more than half the Bible is filled, it would be more consistent that we call it the word of a demon than the word of God. It is a history of wickedness that has served to corrupt and brutalize mankind." From - The Age of Reason, Paine

"All national institutions of churches, whether Jewish, Christian or Turkish, appear to me no other than human inventions, set up to terrify and enslave mankind, and monopolize power and profit. " - Thomas Paine

"I do not believe in the divinity of Christ and there are many other of the postulates of the orthodox creed to which I cannot subscribe." - President William Howard Taft

2010-11-03T21:20:00.001-05:00

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2010-10-30T19:19:00.001-05:00

Ridiculous!!! 2 old guys' wives left them sleeping at our store. They don't even hear the baby yelling

2010-10-30T12:15:00.001-05:00

Got 'The Fire' album by

2010-10-25T22:02:00.001-05:00

Got 'The Fire' album by Senses Fail with DVD and poster today in the mail. Makes me want to DESTROY!!!!! Love it!

Colts Coach Anti-Gay?

2010-10-25T19:33:00.000-05:00

Colts Head Coach Tony Dungy spoke at a "pro family" anti-gay benefit.

LINK LINK LINK

Letterman gets O'Reilly to say Iraq War was eventually for oil

2010-10-21T22:47:00.000-05:00

The debate is good. And neither of them has a decent answer for solving anything... what's new?

'Cat of the Month Club' creates confusion, controversy

2010-10-07T01:14:00.002-05:00

A new web-based company called 'The Cat of the Month Club' has found itself in legal limbo due to alleged customer misuse.

Every month on the company's website consumers see a newly featured cat species. Individuals can simply select and purchase up to 3 of the cats.

Suspicions were raised when the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) noticed the remarkable popularity and profits garnered by the young company.

Covert investigations began after the message board on The Cat of the Month Club's Facebook site began to show a remarkable interest from Korean and Chinese restaurant owners.

Jon Leibowitz, Chairman of the FTC said that the company website, and later added Facebook page, started out innocently.

"At first, looking back through the data and numbers, everything seemed just fine. But then the increasing number of Asian restaurant owners 'liking' the page and demanding more cats caught our eye."

Some of the most questionable and obvious Facebook comments are listed below:

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Comment from 수염 샐러드 (Whisker Salad): I need more than 3 cat a month, can yoo only send head. save me ship cost?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Comment from 맛있는 고양이 (Yummy Cat): Why cat 3 limit, recipe for good need 50 or mor. Why all cat no claws, how we sell restaurant jewelry?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

고양이 먹는 사람 (Cat Eater): YOU SEND MORE CAT NOW. I PAY YOU NOW. I PAY DOUBLE. CUSTOMER HUNGRY!!! YOU RUIN BUSINESS!!!!!!!!!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Although it might seem simple for the FTC to find the consumers who grossly misused the company's services, authorities are having a hard time.

"The Asians are great with computers, making them nearly impossible to locate. Also, they all have pretty much have the same names. How can you prove that you found the right person?!?!" cried Leibowitz.

Bryce in Minnesota Still Waiting on Domino's Pizza to "Make it up to him."

2010-10-06T23:51:00.000-05:00

(Grandma Gourmet) Since submitting the photo of his squished an pitiful Dominos delivery pizza, Bryce Griffon of Duluth, Minnesota has yet to see any sort of effort to make up for the horrible service he received other than "commercial lip-service and BULLSH*T"

The twenty-one year old St. Scholastica sophomore is more than pissed off.

"They use my photo of my F-ed up pizza to make money through advertisements, tell me they are sorry, and then send me male hookers. I'm peeved."

To date Dominos has tried to send Bryce over a dozen male go-go dancers, strippers and pre-paid prostitutes.

(Not a pizza delivery boy)

Clowns Protest Halloween Stereotyping in UK

2010-10-05T13:19:00.000-05:00

(Toothless Grandma in the UK) A group of clowns have begun to protest at Alton Towers Theme Park over a belief that a haunted maze at the Staffordshire theme park demonizes them.

The new maze attraction which is called 'The Carnival of Screams' will open over a two week period up through Halloween. The segment in question is a fun house overtaken by evil clowns who chase visitors through the attraction.

Fips the Clown, a protestor, was one of many clowns holding signs outside of the park. His simply read 'We are not happy.'

Another sign that was held by Ringo the Clown caused more confusion than anything:

"It only serves to reinforce stereotypes of clowns as evil. This will do for clowns what Jaws did for sharks," said Fips.

Fip's comments have already sparked rumors of upcoming protests by clown sharks.

Senses Fail 'The Fire' Releases in October

2010-09-30T21:44:00.002-05:00

Hey look!

A music post.... that's odd.

Link to Pre-order (CLICK ME!)

~~Senses Fail~~
Yellow Angels from their last release
'Life is Not a Waiting Room'

New Organized Movement Sparks Debate, Arrests Around Country

2010-09-30T16:51:00.002-05:00

(National Grandma News) A new, and rapidly growing group simply called the 'Make Awkward Sexual Advances, Not War' (MASANW) organization has begun demonstrating in cities nation-wide in order to protest President Barack Obama's half-hearted troop removal in Iraq.

Since Obama officially announced the commencement of troop withdrawal in July, MASANW has grown in numbers from one elderly man named Gerald Boituch in Hunstville, Alabama to a group of over 420,000 people.

Boituch was originally arrested for approaching strangers in Muscle Shoals (a suburb of Huntsville) and shouting, "We get in there fast without warning or permission and now we are lying about how fast we were going to pull out!" all the while motioning suggestively toward his midsection.

Upon interrogation, Boituch explained to police officers that he was simply a peaceful antiwar protester trying new methods to gain attention and numbers.

His attention-grabbing techniques made headline news in both the newspapers and on national television.

In less than 2 months time, the peace movement has spread from Huntsville to as far away as Alaska, Hawaii and Maine resulting in thousands of arrests as police are having a hard time distinguishing pedophiles, unwanted gropers and rapists from the demonstrators.

To curb the number of arrests and minimize confusion, Boituch has started to encourage like-minded individuals to utilize signs and t-shirts like the ones depicted below:

Some cities have also seen an increasing amount of graffiti, prompting Boituch to condemn the defacing of property and send newsletters to followers including a diagram teaching proper thrusting motions to lower the high number of reported back injuries to emotionally-charged MASANW members.

Boituch announced last week that MASANW will be sponsoring flash mobs full of awkward sexual advances in the coming months.

Home Depot to sell new products: Oatmeal, rivers and excuses

2010-09-04T14:28:00.000-05:00

(Atlanta,GA) Home Depot, the world's largest home improvement retailer, announced today that is will begin selling three new products: oatmeal, rivers and excuses.

After conducting a short and altogether misguided study, Home Depot marketing strategists, in conjunction with Quaker, Water & Liars, has decided to start a new line of useless crap.

Stores will now offer oatmeal made entirely out of broken brick and tile shards to cut down on shrinkage.

the small and sharp pieces will be derived from solid, frogged and perforated bricks that have been destroyed during the shipping process.

Home Depot locations will also feature a new aisle that will be stocked with rivers.

Although excuses will not be a tangible source available for purchase, the retailer affirms that eating Home Depot oatmeal or purchasing, and strategically locating a river, customers will have great excuses for multiple situations.

"All of my teeth fell out."
"My son drowned."
"I'm literally bleeding internally, and/or, excreting blood."

Customers will be required to sign waivers to purchase the new products.

The advertising campaign will be headed up by actor Wilford Brimley.

2010-08-11T14:17:00.001-05:00

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Proposition 8 Overturned in California

2010-08-05T19:36:00.001-05:00

As mentioned before, I am being paid to write as the LA County Independent Examiner.

Here's the prediction that I made in November of 2008 on this issue, where I emphatically stated that Proposition 8 was unconstitutional and would be overturned. LINK LINK LINK

AND BELOW IS beginning of my latest article:

(San Francisco) A Federal Judge in Northern California, Justice Vaughn Walker, struck down the state's ban on same-sex marriage today, thus overruling the narrow passage of Proposition 8 that was voted on in November of 2008.

The voiding of Proposition 8 definitively removed the clause the measure had added to the California Constitution that said "only marriage between a man and..."

CLICK TO READ REST OF ARTICLE

Breathe Electric, What Would You Say

2010-07-14T00:58:00.003-05:00

Pentagon distributng 'Don't Ask Don't Tell' survey to servicemen and women

2010-07-08T21:47:00.000-05:00

I am now also writing for The Examiner.

Here's the LINK LINK LINK to the article :)

How The States Got Their Names: Learning is FUN!!!

2010-06-21T19:37:00.005-05:00

Okay, so I was wondering just now how the states in the U.S. got their names.

Here's a short, general and neat list of some of the ways that the names came to be:

http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0854966.html

Eminem Comes Out of Closet

2010-06-17T17:38:00.000-05:00

Famous white rapper and well-known loud-mouth, Eminem, (Marshall Mathers, Slim Shady, whatever) has 'matured.'

He now fully supports same-sex marriage in Michigan, his home state.

Which may be surprising considering his release last year of the song 'Elevator,' in which he states:

"Sorry Lance, Mr. Lambert and Aiken ain't gonna make it, fake it
They get so mad, when I call them both fagots."

Not to mention the handful of other songs and comments that he has rapped and made over the past years of his untalented career (in my opinion).

He made the same quip that many people do on this topic when speaking to The New York Times... if same-sex couples wish to marry, they have every right to be as miserable as their straight counter-parts...

"It's the new tolerant me! My overall look on things is a lot more mature than it used to be."

Now let's just wait for him to make out with Elton John at some music award event.

Man Murdered by Family for Wanting to Watch World Cup Instead of Religious Program

2010-06-17T16:01:00.001-05:00

Oh religious fanatics, how stupid you are.

HERE'S THE LINK TO THE ARTICLE ----> LINK

NBA Stars Interviewed about Sex In The City and Gay Marriage

2010-06-10T16:41:00.001-05:00

Adam Lambert Spoof, Yet Political Points Made...

2010-06-07T02:23:00.001-05:00

Thanks Jay :)

Why the double standard of girls kissing and boys fake humping?

Does Bill O'Reilly compare McDonald's Gay Ad to Terrorists Being Welcomed?!?!?!

2010-06-04T00:38:00.003-05:00

Apparently if McDonald's has a gay friendly ad, then that means they will soon welcome terrorists... good job Bill...

VOTE ON THE RIGHT --->>>>

Man Accuses Dolphin of Attempted Rape

2010-06-01T21:52:00.001-05:00

The following article is real, seriously. A friend of mine recently told me about this, and I had to look it up.

The story below is not mine, it is taken from:

http://www.iol.co.za/

Oslo - A Norwegian man is accusing a dolphin of attempted rape.

Norway's top-selling daily Verdens Gang on Tuesday quoted the 28-year-old as saying that the dolphin apparently mistook him for a female after swimming alongside him in the sea off Farsund, south Norway, earlier this month.

The dolphin's penis got caught between the man's swimming costume and his legs before the man, who declined to give his name, managed to clamber back on board his boat.

"The dolphin shoved me forward two or three metres before I got loose," he said. "At first I thought it was a fin, but dolphins don't have fins on their underbellies."

A friend of the man, a diving instructor who saw the attack, told Verdens Gang that the dolphin "tried it on with me too, but I was wearing protection - a wetsuit". - Reuters

Dolphin Rape Awareness Group: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2227241958

I'M GUESSING IT LOOKED SOMETHING LIKE THIS:

2010-05-30T22:07:00.000-05:00

my freshly poured beer made a sweet spiral. :) probably something 2 do with being at a gay bar

2010-05-28T18:33:00.001-05:00

Young Woman Looking to Marry because She's 'supposed to.'

2010-05-27T22:31:00.001-05:00

A twenty-seven year old woman, feeling the pressure from her parents and peers, has decided that it is time to settle down, get married and raise some kids.

After seeing her 3 best friends from college tie the knot, Cheryl Swanson, a Georgia native, is hoping that her current lover will propose.

The two have been together for nearly 4 years, and although the timing might not be ideal, Swanson has been dropping hints more and more often.

"I really want this to happen, and soon, because everyone is starting to think that I have something wrong with me."

Cheryl's grandma hasn't been making it easy either.

"I'd like to be at her wedding. I mean, I'm 84, how long does she think I will live for!?!?"

Yet, Swanson is certain that her Grandma would pass away upon hearing the news anyway.

"Yah, she'd probably have a heart attack. Anything small gives her heart palpitations, this would just make her head explode."

For now Cheryl is still waiting for her girlfriend to 'pop the question.' Then they will have to move to a state that allows same-sex marriage, and then possibly move again and wait two years to legally adopt a child.

The Disney Straw Man/Slippery Slope: Where Logic Goes to Die

2010-05-27T16:29:00.005-05:00

If...then

Okay, let's show people why the straw man and slippery slope argumenst are logical fallacies... using a Venn diagram!!!

Donald, Daisy, Goofy, Pluto, Mickey & Minnie are all Disney Characters.
Mighty Mouse, Jerry, Mickey & Minnie are all Famous Mice.

Now this should make sense by looking at the chart. So although Donald, Daisy, Goofy and Pluto are Disney Characters like Mickey & Minnie, they are not also mice...

K here's where we mix it up kids!

Say that we replace "Disney Characters" with "Crack Addicts" and "Famous Mice" with "Prostitutes."

We now see that although Goofy is clearly a crack addict, he is not a prostitute. Likewise, even though Mighty Mouse is a bangin' hot prostitute, he is not a crack addict.

Just because Goofy likes crack, that doesn't mean he will become a skank.
And just because Mighty Mouse is a wench, that doesn't mean he will become addicted to crack.

The only ones who whore-out to pay for their drug habits are Mickey and Minnie.

Use this flawless logic and you will go far in life.

Important Things to Know

2010-05-26T02:48:00.000-05:00

Today - Jim Tolbert, a farmer in Northern Iowa had his land, animals, and property taken by the Citizen's Credit Union of Des Moines after becoming addicted to Farmville, losing his grasp on reality, and getting far too involved in his "barn raising" party.

- Tomorrow - A random compliment at work about your hair will make your day. That's how sad your life has become, and how reliant you are on the approval of complete strangers.

- Friday - Although you used to go out and have fun with friends, a night watching television, and masturbating yourself to sleep, sans orgasm, will ironically reflect your current level of life satisfaction.

.....

This was very important......

Somewhat Popular Pornography Genre Takes A Dive in Revenue

2010-05-23T22:45:00.002-05:00

A recent in-depth study by the American Pornography Society (APS) reveals that the massive ongoing sex scandals in the Catholic Church have considerably hurt the "religious pervert on preteen" genre of the multi-billion dollar adult industry.

Steve Owens, the head of Research and Development at APS tearfully released the shocking information late Friday night.

"It's just saddening. Saddening and disgusting," Owens said, "To think that such a great genre of adult entertainment could be ransacked by such an evil group of unabashedly sick men."

Owens continued to state the major differences between the boy rape of the Catholic Church and the "religious pervert on preteen" sex in the industry.

"In porn, all of the sex is consensual, and none of the boys are under the age of eighteen," he clarified, "However; in the Catholic Church, none of the sex was with boys of consenting age, lives were ruined, and 99% of the priests have never been criminally punished."

The head of APS PR also described the methods used by the Pope and his "minions" to cover up the atrocities.

"Essentially, they played hide the rapist priest: here's a rapist, find the rapist, where's the raping priest? Round and round diocese to diocese he goes, who get's raped? Nobody knows! Except the poor kids."

Now, according to APS statistical data (which was compiled in several double-blind studies), most people who used to enjoy this type of pornography now have no interest whatsoever.

Stan Billings from Birmingham, AL described his new aversion to his former favorite porn.

"I used to think of it as fantasy, pure fiction. I knew it wasn't really illegal and that nobody was being hurt. That's why I was okay with it. But now, the images just make me want to vomit and go on a church burning spree."

The APA reports that the genre went from making up 9% of the industry ($200,000,000) down to .03% ($79,000).

It is believed that the remaining revenue is mostly coming from church leaders.

"Also," said Owens, "That number would be much higher if so many priests weren't still getting the 'real' thing."

It is reported that this industry will try to rebound by releasing a $50 DVD/Blue Ray entitled "Priests Gone Wild!"

BP Won't Stop Oil Leak, Enjoying Attention

2010-05-21T02:43:00.003-05:00

British Petroleum(BP), announced today that it could have stopped the massive oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico almost immediately, but they chose not to.

Micheal Stedmier, head of BP public relations, released a statement today saying that, "Basically, none of this ever had to happen."

"Although we could have stopped the leak just hours after it started, the amount of attention that we immediately received made us feel warm and fuzzy inside," said Stedmier, with a grin on his face.

After the "warm fuzzies" wore off, Stedmier just began to have fun with the situation.

"I thought to myself, 'Well we could end this, but we have the world's attention... let's f**k with them.' That's when we started talking about using golf balls and old tires. Just to see if people were dumb enough to buy it."

Stedmier said that he then got Halliburton, and Transocean to go in on the farce.

"Yah, Halliburton was the easy one, Transocean didn't buy into the idea until I threatened to reveal why the founder of Transocean had the word 'Trans' in its name..."

The P.R. head continued to describe the other details of the spill that he really liked.

"So I've always loved dolphins and marine life in general, but I don't have cable. So when the news channels began showing videos and pictures of the animals, I just couldn't bring myself to ruin this perfect opportunity to see these marvelous creatures."

After a week of the free "sea-life T.V.," Stedmier started to consider stopping the leak.

"Yah, I was so close to giving the green light to plug the hole, but then they started talking about tar balls. I f**king LOVE balls!"

Stedmier then had a few days to watch the tar ball coverage, during which, according to co-workers, he locked himself in his office and refused to open the door.

Mary Rengler, assistant to Stedmier, reported that she repeatedly tried to contact her boss.

"So, I knocked on his door several times a day because of the faxes, phone calls, and paperwork that was coming in for him. But he wouldn't open the door."

Rengler said that her boss only came outside once in the three day stretch to get two boxes of tissue and borrow her lotion, which he never gave back.

As of today, it is estimated that up to 2,940,000 gallons of oil, 1 gallon of semen, and 3lbs of tissue have been wasted, because of BP H.R.

Cross replaced in Mojave Desert: Constitutional Battle Continues

2010-05-21T01:26:00.002-05:00

After the original cross of controversy was removed overnight by unknown persons, another cross has, once again, been re-installed by sneaky people (assuming Christians here).

The cross was originally erected in 1934 by a group of men from the Veterans of Foreign Wars (VFW) as a war memorial. Apparently they assumed that everyone who died in the various wars were Christian... which is obviously false.

To pile stupidity upon idiocy, both the individuals who removed the cross, and those who felt it important to re-install it, had to navigate through crevasses and rocks that are know to harbor tons of rattlesnakes.

So, let's make this clear. A simple silly symbol was constructed to honor dead veterans, the VFW assumed that everyone was a Christian (stupid), it was taken down by people who were risking rattlesnake bites/death (and who most likely weren't Christian).

Then, this silly symbol gone missing inspired another group of idiots (who were Christian) to traipse through the same rattlesnake infested area in the dark, to put up another pointless cross.

Religious or not, this is ridiculous... yes? Vote on the right ---->>>>

2010-05-20T19:54:00.001-05:00

hill on fire. that's smoke. not a cloud

Something Corporate Reunion Tour !!!

2010-05-19T18:22:00.002-05:00

OH BOY!!! NEW TOUR AND .... 1 new song (5 previously unreleased)

If you like Something Corporate, make sure to see them during their reunion tour this summer:

Aug 2 - Minneapolis, MN - Cabooze Plaza
Aug 3 - Milwaukee, WI - The Rave
Aug 4 - St Louis, MO - The Pageant
Aug 6 - Detroit, MI - Fillmore
Aug 7 - Toronto, ON - Kool Haus
Aug 8 - Philadelphia, PA - Great Plaza @ Penn's Landing
Aug 10 - Washington, DC - 9:30 Club
Aug 11 - Washington, DC - 9:30 Club
Aug 12 - Boston, MA - House of Blues
Aug 13 - New York, NY - Roseland
Aug 15 - Atlanta, GA - Masquerade
Aug 16 - Orlando, FL - House of Blues
Aug 18 - Dallas, TX - House of Blues
Aug 19 - Kansas City, MO - Uptown Theater
Aug 21 - Salt Lake City, UT - In The Venue
Aug 22 : Phoenix, AZ - Marquee Theatre
Aug 24 - San Francisco, CA - Warfield
Aug 27 - Anaheim, CA - The Grove
Aug 28 - Los Angeles, CA - Club Nokia

NEW CD 'Played In Space'

Six years after the last release, we finally have 1 new song (Watch The Sky) from Something Corporate on: Played in Space : The Best of Something Corporate. It's a two disc release that includes the following:

1.	"Space"	Josh Partington	2:56
2.	"I Woke Up In A Car"	Andrew McMahon	4:14
3.	"She Paints Me Blue"	Andrew McMahon	3:39
4.	"Hurricane"	Josh Partington	3:53
5.	"Me and the Moon"	Andrew McMahon	4:11
6.	"Fall"	Josh Partington	3:44
7.	"Ruthless"	Andrew McMahon	3:27
8.	"I Want To Save You"	Andrew McMahon	4:27
9.	"Cavanaugh Park"	Andrew McMahon	4:25
10.	"If You C Jordan"	Andrew McMahon	4:18
11.	"Down"	Andrew McMahon	3:34
12.	"Punk Rock Princess"	Andrew McMahon	3:53
13.	"Walking By"	Andrew McMahon	4:30
14.	"The Astronaut"	Andrew McMahon	4:33
55:42

Disc Two

No.	Title	Writer(s)	Length
1.	"Konstantine (Previously Unreleased)"	Andrew McMahon	9:37
2.	"Watch The Sky (Previously Unreleased)"	Andrew McMahon	2:56
3.	"Forget December (New Exclusive Mix)"	Josh Partington	3:12
4.	"I Woke Up In A Car (Adam Young Mix)"	Andrew McMahon	4:08
5.	"Letters To Noelle (iTunes Store Exclusive)"	Andrew McMahon	4:22
6.	"Wait (New Recording)"

Man Kicked Out of Barnes & Noble for Reading Out Loud

2010-05-18T21:43:00.003-05:00

(Westchester, PA) A local man was kicked out of the area Barnes & Noble for reading Moby Dick at an intolerably loud volume.

Jack Wellington, an 86-year-old former English teacher, was forcefully removed from the large chain bookstore after being warned several times to "quiet down" by part-time associate Debra Dunleavy and several co-workers.

"At first I was nice and asked him quietly to stop what he was doing, because he was so old," said Dunleavy, "but then he looked at me like I was crazy, and by the 3rd or 4th time warning him I had had it."

Dunleavy then found assistant manager Micheal Philsmoore and informed him of the escalating issue.

"At first I thought she was kidding, because we like to have a good time at the store, but then I walked up to him and he gave me that same 'what the hell are you staring at' look that Debra had described."

Philsmoore told reporters that he wasn't even that mad until Wellington began to increase his volume.

"It was like he was mocking me. The old bastard wouldn't quit."

Afraid that he would cause more of a scene, Philsmoore brought head manager Veronica Sanchez over to the man, who in the interim 3 minutes had somehow managed to acquire and nearly finish a grande latte from the in-house Starbucks.

"He was clearly wired," stated Sanchez. "At this point Wellington was practically shouting."

"ENTERING THAT GABLE-ENDED SPOUTER-INN, YOU FOUND YOURSELF IN A WIDE, LOW STRAGGLING ENTRY WITH OLD-FASHIONED WAINSCOTS, REMINDING ONE OF THE BULWARKS OF SOME CONDEMNED OLD CRAFT," the man hollered.

"And how the hell he managed to get to page 1, chapter 3 of Moby Dick without us already kicking him out is beyond me," said a bewildered Sanchez.

At that point Philsmoore and Sanchez attempted to take the book from the man's hands.

"You'd think that it would be easy to pry a hardcover from the grip of an 89-year-old man, but he was fast!" exclaimed Dunleavy.

Wellington then made a dash for the nearby upward escalator. The whole while continuing to read the novel and increasing his volume to the point where everyone in the store could now hear the commotion.

"That's when it got ugly," said Sanchez. "He tripped on his way up the escalator and ended up face-down, yet somehow, feet first, while ascending the escalator. And he was STILL reading!"

"UPON ENTERING THE PLACE I FOUND A NUMBER OF YOUNG SEAMEN GATHERED ABOUT A TABLE, EXAMINING BY A DIM LIGHT DIVERSE SPECIMENS OF SKRIMSHANDER," Wellington shrieked.

By the time the old man reached the top of the escalator, there were three mall security guards waiting for him.

Westchester Police confirm that Wellington is being charged with disorderly conduct after he received two warnings in previous months for shouting the lines from the Kama Sutra in Borders, and yelling phrases from Adolph Hitler's Mein Kampf in a private Jewish-owned library.

New iPhone Application Encourages Users to Drive Drunk

2010-05-18T01:49:00.003-05:00

In what can only be called a stunning release, Apple announced it's newest application today, the "Driving While Inspired" program (D.W.I.), which, when engaged, encourages inebriated individuals to get into a vehicle and drive.

The "App" (if you will) was designed by a Christian group that cites several Bible verses for the new creation's inspiration.

Group leader, Samuel Jorgenson, defended the application.

"The Bible strongly encourages drinking alcohol," said Jorgenson, "Jesus, our Lord Himself liked to get drunk with sinners as He preached the gospel of salvation to them."

" I mean, c'mon, Matthew 11:19: The Son of Man came eating and drinking. Case closed."

The program, which offers tips and spiritual support, has many helpful functions.

For example, it can read your B.A.C. and record it on any day, at any time. Using this data, it can later help you to work up the courage to drive.

"You pussy, you've been more drunk before," the app says (citing specific dates and times) when it overhears friends trying to convince you to not get behind the wheel.

Not only that, once you get into your car, the application gives you active tips on how to improve your driving.

"You are swerving," the program warns, " try closing one eye."

Additionally, there are several celebrity voice options to choose from, such as: Mel Gibson, Betty White and Lindsey Lohan, to name a few.

While driving, your phone will tell you how many miles you have left to your destination, all the while, reciting pro-drinking Bible passages and letting you know if there are any cops in the area.

So far, Jorgenson says that the most downloaded verse is Mark 7: 17-23.

"Our Savior proclaimed that drinking alcohol can't make a person unclean." He slurred, "Because we are better than that."

Clumsily opening his world's best seller and most stolen hard cover, Jorgenson's breath soaked the room with the scent of Gin, reading, "Are you so dull?” Jesus asked. “Don't you see that nothing that enters a man from the outside can make him unclean!? For it does not go into his heart but into his stomach, and then out of his body."

Pausing to take a shot, he continued "So Jesus declared all foods and drinks to be clean, and he even talked about pooping... did you catch that?"

For just $9.99 users can get an iPhone attachment which conveniently conceals an extra car key when friends take your primary set away.

2010-05-16T23:42:00.001-05:00

hahaha

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2010-05-15T16:00:00.001-05:00

car show and stuff outside work 2day

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Sexy American Politics: Short Stories of Untold Hook-ups

2010-05-14T00:53:00.001-05:00

Politics and sex go hand in hand like a lonely person, genitals and pornography.

But did you know that many famous political figures have had sex with each other? True story.

Unlikely hook-up #1: Ronald Reagan and George W. Bush.

"For seven and a half years I've worked alongside President Reagan. We've had triumphs. Made some mistakes. We've had some sex...uh...setbacks." --President George H.W. Bush

The bromance lasted until Bush began to complain to about Reagan's in-bed "trickle down on your face while you are sleeping" effect. Not because Bush didn't like it, just because Reagan stopped doing it after one year.

Not to mention the outrage caused by Reagan's gang-bang affair with an entire terrorist group in Iran.

Unlikely hook-up #2: God and Jimmy Carter.

"I've looked on many women with lust. I've committed adultery in my heart many times. God knows I will do this and he forgives me." –-President Jimmy Carter, Playboy Magazine

When God first started dating Jimmy Carter, little Jimmy was only 4 years old, which might seem wrong, but Carter's parents introduced the two.

Although former President Carter was in a secret gay relationship with God, he definitely was not a 'power bottom.'

When asked about his preferences, Carter angrily shouted "Aggression unopposed becomes a contagious disease."

When the former President got married to cover up his homosexual relationship with God, he later made it clear that he was not happy with what he had to do to become the leader of the free world.

"I have often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming."

Unlikely Relationship #3: ... to be continued...

Manchester Orchestra: I Can Feel A Hot One

2010-05-12T23:53:00.002-05:00

One of my best friends I've ever had, and who was easily the nicest guy I have ever met, died yesterday after a simple infection took an unforeseen turn for the worst.

When I first went to work after hearing the extent of the infection they sent me home because I couldn't keep my composure. I suppose that on the way there I was still in shock, and it didn't hit me until I actually verbalized the emotions. Then it became real. I don't remember crying that hard in years.

He will be terribly missed by oh so many people.

For whatever reason, the only song since that has been stuck in my head has been 'I Can Feel A Hot One' by Manchester Orchestra. The lyrics are barely even related, but definitely sad and reflective. A beautiful and sad song.

Since this blog is RPMS, I thought I would share the music video. I think that every time I hear this song, it will remind me of what happened yesterday.

He sounds vivid acoustic as well:

Idiot America: Book Review

2010-05-12T20:34:00.001-05:00

   Before even reading a book with such a title, many would already claim to feel as though they are surrounded by idiots.

   Having said that, Charle's P. Pierce's book helps to explain why this country has fallen to such a stupendous low when it comes to intellect, religious & scientific views and, of course, politics. It delves into the lameness of most people's 'reasoning' for what they believe, why they believe it, and how they vote.

   Pierce even takes a brief moment to give reality TV shows (and the unrealistic drama '24') the mockery that they deserve.

   I mean, what have we come to when a Supreme Court Justice (Anthony Scalia) cites '24' as a reason to support torture? How did we appoint someone to such a high court who asks, while deciding landmark cases, WWJD, What Would Jack Bauer Do?

-Side note, how ridiculous was it when politicians and news pundits were saying that Jack Bauer would have found the terrorist behind the failed Times Square bombing in, get this, 24 hours... not the 50 some odd hours it took REAL PEOPLE. What kind of blurry fake world do they live in. It would be one thing if they were kidding.-

   Jack Bauer nonsense aside, Pierce shows how much of America votes from, what he calls "The Gut." Which is to say that it doesn't matter what the facts are, just what sells and what is convenient or makes us feel comfortable.

He also introduces The Three Great Premises to show how people buy into crap that is just that, crap:

"Since (right-wing) populism has at its heart an "anti-elitist" distrust of expertise, talk radio offers the purest example of the Three Great Premises at work.

A host is not judged a success by his command of the issues, but purely by whether what he says moves the ratings needle.

*First Great Premise: Any theory is valid if it moves units.

-If the needle moves enough, then the host is adjudged an expert.

*Second Great Premise: Anything can be true if someone says it loudly enough

And if the host seems to argue passionately enough, then what he is saying is judged to be true simply because of how many people are listening to him say it.

*Third Great Premise: Fact is that which enough people believe. Truth is measured by how fervently they believe it."

- Charles P. Pierce,Idiot America: How Stupidity Became a Virtue in the Land of the Free

    I will leave it at this: It's a great book filed with various topics from Terri Schiavo to 9/11, global warming to the Iraq War, and elections down to creationism... to name a few.

Why Some People Enjoy Being Stalked

2010-05-09T23:04:00.001-05:00

Being stalked can be a very scary thing. The creepy letters, peeping toms, an uneasy feeling that someone is watching you while you are reading this sentence right now and you can feel her hot breath on your neck but when you turn around it ends up just being your mom checking in to see if you are looking at pornography because she's not sure if you are gay or what the deal is because you have been single for so long and you are fairly effeminate and never really were that coordinated so she figures if she walks in on you looking at some dirty porn that she will finally get that answer to what's been troubling her ever since you bought the Cher single "Believe" when you were in 6th grade.

But anyway. We took some time today to see what makes a person want to be a "stalkee."

See figure A, Kyle Mark Selissen:

Sure he may seem like a typical twenty-one year old: Smart, sensible, courteous and hungry for cat. But Kyle has a dark secret. One that he shares with nearly 1 out of every 2 billion people. He yearns to be a stalkee.

"There are important life skills to learn from being stalked," Kyle says," You can learn how pretty you are, and even how to give complete strangers what they want."

"I guess the song, 'I Want You to Want Me' truly tells the story of my life".

Kyle revealed what he looks for in a stalker.

"I like them to be tall, dark and freaky. I don't prefer guys or girls. I'm a bi-curious stalkee."

He continued, "If you want to stalk me, anytime is fine. It's hot."

Kyle might be happy with the role of stalkee, but his roommate, Jennifer, is tired of his antics.

"He walks around naked ALL THE TIME just in-case. And he leaves the windows WIDE OPEN. Shit. And, and, I wish that the people stalking kyle wouldn't involve me or my closet. His affinity for being stalked should not affect my life."

When asked how many stalkers Kyle currently has, she had this to say.

"Nobody. Absolutely nobody would want to stalk Kyle. He's not very interesting... I mean, I guess you could stalk him at work. That's all he does. Sleep and work."

But Kyle argues that "that leaves ample time for your viewing pleasure."

"I mean, I change my clothes in-between work and sleep and I always make sure to take waaay longer than would ever be necessary. Also I like to sleep naked a lot, I often get warm, and I don't like closing the blinds... so there's that."

Kyle even offers advice for those who are looking to sneak a peek.

"There are a lot of places you could hide. I mean, anywhere in my room, the closet, in a pile of Jennifer's clothes..."

Kyle even reveals his plans months in advance, just in-case, on an offhand chance, anyone wanted to know.

"Yah, on August 24th, 2010 I will be staying in the Best Western off of I-15 North and Cajalco Drive. I have secured room 249 and will be drilling holes in all of the walls, leaving the windows open, taking off my clothes and cranking the heat up to max."

According to Jennifer, Kyle Selissen currently has no stalkers.

Breastfeeding, Cats & Kyle Selissen: An Inquiry into mammaries and familys

2010-05-09T19:20:00.001-05:00

     Breastfeeding is a topic that is seldom spoken about, and yet, incredibly important to the survival of humans and cats throughout the world, maybe even the galaxy.

     Kyle Selissen, a self-proclaimed "bitchin" twenty-one year old, gave YouReadyGrandma his opinions on this momentous issue.

"I think it's healthy for the baby, but I plead the 5th on whether or not I was breast fed."

     Probing still further into Kyle's vast knowledge on mammaries, we asked Mr. Selissen, who likes to be called Tarapotanatano (because of his misguided and altogether confusing affinity for Star Wars) what he wished for the future of breast milk.

"I would like to see more flavors," he stated, "Maybe strawberry, chocolate, vanilla... oh, and don't forget cat!"

     Kyle Tarapotanatano continued on by explaining what cat flavored breast milk would taste like.

"Chicken, it tastes like chicken," Mr. Selissen yelled, while continuing to play Star Wars: Nights of the Old Republic II.

Continuing on in an annoyed tone he stated that he would never want to see breastfeeding in a Star Wars movie because it would, "take away from the story and just be distracting."

On a lighter note, yet in a strangely serious tone, Kyle (who according to Jennifer Bernt, his roommate, also is called: Karlyle, Curly, Puppy, Krylie, and Karl) yelled out in a spastic rant that "boobs are cool, bouncy and fun! And even better if they are hairy!"

Which oddly segued into his take that males should also breastfeed.

"If men could/can then they should," then pausing a moment he screamed, "fucksssake!"

Next, Kyle, who was now crying and flailing erratically, declared that he would, in fact, breast feed a cat.

"I haven't yet, but I really want to. And I'm not concerned about getting scratched or bitten, that would just turn me on... more."

In what YouReadyGrandma can only call disturbing, Kyle added that he would feed the cat, get this, "cat flavored breast milk."

Kyle also made it clear that if Jennifer were to ever be very thirsty, he would offer his nipples to her face and tongue as well.

"I would totally offer my nips to her, I'm not just going to be selfish."

Jen refused to accept the offer under any circumstances.

"Umm... No."

This did not seem to upset him, although it was hard to tell because he had been crying since almost the beginning of the interview.

Un-phased by Jennifer's refusal, Kyle admitted that he had "no idea what real breast milk even tastes like."

"And my glasses aren't used to see boobies better," Kyle sobbed.

Once again randomly referencing Star Wars, he made it clear that "Jabba the Hut would not be good at breast feeding."

If Kyle could, he says he would love to breastfeed from "your mom."

To which Jennifer refused to comment.

*** No cats were harmed during this interview, but many in earshot reportedly vomited. Repeatedly.***

The Bible Never Condemns Homosexuality

2010-04-25T19:53:00.000-05:00

The Bible Never Condemns Homosexuality

Analyzing the Bible: Textual Interpretations on Homosexuality

Revolutionary, inventor, and writer Thomas Paine once said, “The Bible is a book that has been read more and examined less than any book that ever existed.” The Bible is the number one best-selling book of all time. It is the moral guide for over thirty percent of the world, or nearly two billion people (Encyclopedia Britannica, 2005).

Through the reading of this highly regarded text, a major ethical debate has been raised by Christians as to whether or not homosexuality is a sin. In this piece, one will find that the passages of the Bible are not black and white, written in plain English, or readily accessible to the everyday reader. There are many obstacles to reading and truly understanding the Bible. Misconstrued translations, language barriers, and biased opinions are just a few of the quagmires one faces that can muddle the words and comprehension of this monumental literary work. It is the purpose of this paper to show that a textual analysis of the Bible reveals that Christians cannot successfully condemn homosexuals by repeating biblical passages and using the Bible’s words as weapons.

By simply asking around one will find that the vast majority of Christians believe that the Bible condemns homosexuality. Indeed, “some people take this to mean that the Bible justifies hatred and cruelty to gays and lesbians” (Helminiak, 12). The Bible itself says that “God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral” and the church has spoken out labeling homosexuality a sexually immoral item (Hebrews 13:4 King James Version). Hence, we will first take a look at selected passages from the Bible, analyze them, and determine where the church gains its footing on this issue and what the actual words could possibly mean.

Genesis, chapter 19, verses 1 to 11 tells us the famous story of Sodom and Gomorrah:

And there came two angels to Sodom at even; and Lot sat in the gate of Sodom: and Lot seeing them rose up to meet them; and he bowed himself with his face toward the ground; And he said, Behold now, my lords, turn in, I pray you, into your servant's house, and tarry all night, and wash your feet, and ye shall rise up early, and go on your ways. And they said, Nay; but we will abide in the street all night. And he pressed upon them greatly; and they turned in unto him, and entered into his house; and he made them a feast, and did bake unleavened bread, and they did eat. But before they lay down, the men of the city, even the men of Sodom, compassed the house round, both old and young, all the people from every quarter: And they called unto Lot, and said unto him, Where are the men which came in to thee this night? bring them out unto us, that we may know them. And Lot went out at the door unto them, and shut the door after him, And said, I pray you, brethren, do not so wickedly. Behold now, I have two daughters which have not known man; let me, I pray you, bring them out unto you, and do ye to them as is good in your eyes: only unto these men do nothing; for therefore came they under the shadow of my roof. And they said, Stand back. And they said again, This one fellow came in to sojourn, and he will needs be a judge: now will we deal worse with thee, than with them. And they pressed sore upon the man, even Lot, and came near to break the door. But the men put forth their hand, and pulled Lot into the house to them, and shut to the door. And they smote the men that were at the door of the house with blindness, both small and great: so that they wearied themselves to find the door (Geneis 19: 1-11 King James Version).

The story of Sodom and Gomorrah is one of the most cited pieces by Christians who use the Bible to condemn homosexuality. If one continues to read this passage they find that God destroys the whole city for its wicked ways. The story itself “reads like a plot summary for the latest macho, sexist, rape-and-pillage, straight-from-hell home video rental.” By simply going to church and listening to preachers one might gather that this story is all about male on male sex (Comstock, 41).
Today we can see this story in our everyday vocabulary, in fact, “the very word ‘sodomite’ was taken to refer to someone who engages in anal sex, and the sin of Sodom was taken to be male homogenital acts” (Helminiak, 36).

Admittedly, the phrase “to know” is generally accepted, in biblical terms, to mean “to have sex with.” However, this is not always the case, and thus, one can read this story in a few different ways.

A simple way of reading the story is to consider that the people of Sodom simply wanted to know who the strangers in there town were and what they were doing there. Since Lot was already considered an alien and an outsider in the town, it is very possible that they were discriminating against him and his guests for this sole reason. Additionally, it is important to realize that his story has to, at the very least, be about abuse. The townspeople were acting threateningly toward Lot and, many argue, they were seeking to abuse or beat up his visitors.

Even if we do assume that this story is about male-male sexual contact, the actual act that would be taking place is male-male rape, not consensual sex. It is important to note that in those times, male-male rape was an act of dominance usually carried out after victory in war. Hence, it would be fair to say that this attempted act of male-male rape (if this is truly what the story portrays), is actually condemning rape, not a loving relationship between two males.

Overall, the sin that is marked as reproachable in the story of Sodom and Gomorrah cannot be that of having a loving same-sex sexual encounter. One can say that the story punishes abuse, inhospitality to strangers, or even violence; however, this story cannot be used to be a modern moral compass for sexual behavior. This is made clear by the fact that Lot himself offers his two daughters to the hostile townspeople for sexual purposes. If one is going to try to use this story to condemn one type of sexual act, then they are missing the glaring point that this passage “is not sexual ethics” (Helminiak, 39). The bottom line here is that, “What is contemplated in the story of Sodom and Gomorrah is not consensual sex between people of the same gender, but rape of visitors who have become guests of a resident alien” (Sands, 175).

Furthermore, there are other passages of the Bible that state what the actual sin in the Sodom story is. The prophet Ezekiel states, “This was the guilt of your sister Sodom: she and her daughters had pride, surfeit of food and prosperous ease, but did not aid the poor and needy.” Note how nowhere in that passage is homosexuality brought to point. Yet today we still are told that Sodom was destroyed for its sexual deviance (Ezekiel, 16:48-49 King James Version).

Even in the Book of Wisdom the sin of Sodom is depicted as “bitter hatred of strangers,” and “making slaves of guests who were benefactors” (Wisdom 19:13 King James Version). The notion of making people into slaves can very well be construed to mean sexual slaves; however, once again, we find no mention of consensual male on male sexual intercourse.

Jesus himself even mentions Sodom in the lines of Matthew’s Gospels, once again we find that there is no talk, whatsoever, about sexual practices:

Whatever town or village you enter, find out who in it is worthy, and stay there until you leave…If any one will not welcome you or listen to your words, shake off the dust from your feet as you leave that house or town. Truly I tell you, it will be more tolerable for the land of Sodom and Gomorrah on the day of judgment than for that town (Matthew 10:5-15 King James Version).

Jesus focused on hospitality just as the previous passages above did. Search as one might through the Bible for links between Sodom and Gomorrah and homosexual sin, it can not be found. Even when reading further on into the Bible, references to the story of Sodom that can be found in Jeremiah 23:14, Zephanian 2:8-11, and Isaiah 1:10-17 and 3:9 (King James Version). The only sins that are articulated in these passages “are injustice, oppression, partiality, adultery, lies and encouraging evildoers. Adultery is the only sexual sin in that list, and even in this case, sex itself is not the concern” (Helminiak, 41).

Also, one should note the attitudinal differences between today’s Christians and the actions of Jesus Christ. Jesus’ “attitude toward those who offended the norm was one of compassion and forgiveness, e.g., toward the woman about to be stoned for adultery” (Nugent, 83).

The very fact that we see outspoken Christians belittling and condemning homosexuals brings to mind two related quotes. One line from Jesus himself, stating, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone…” (John 8:7 King James Version). And another saying from Gandhi in which he said, “I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”

The next biblical readings that are often utilized in the Christian condemnation of homosexuality are found within Leviticus and they read:

“Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination” (Leviticus 18:22). “If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them” (Leviticus 20:13 King James Version).

To properly analyze this part of the Bible we must understand what section of the Bible this was written in. This area of Leviticus is called “The Holiness Code.” Within this area of the Bible are listed “laws and punishments” required in order for “Israel to remain holy in God’s sight.” The chief concern of The Holiness Code was to “keep Israel different from Gentiles.” Perhaps most importantly, this section of Leviticus is prefaced with the lines, “You shall not do as they do in the land of Egypt, where you lived, and you shall not do as they do in the land of Canaan.” This phrase is then followed by the list of laws that include prohibitions on what were essentially religious rituals carried out by the Canaanites in Egypt.

Hence, it can be said that The Holiness Code found in Leviticus “prohibits male same-sex acts because of religious considerations, not because of sexual ones.” Same-sex relations were associated with the pagan rituals of the Canaanites; therefore, it was banned in order to distinguish Judaism from Gentile characteristics. The reasoning for this is not morally or ethically based. The “Hebrew Testament certainly did forbid male homogenital activity, its reasons for forbidding it have no bearing on today’s discussion on homosexuality” and can be compared to today’s notion of not eating meat of Fridays (Helminiak, 47). There is nothing wrong with eating meat on Friday in and of itself; rather, the church happens to have some distinctive rituals that have fizzled out over time.

It is also worth investigating what the word “abomination” truly means in the Bible. Leviticus also provides an answer to that question:

Ye shall therefore put difference between clean beasts and unclean, and between unclean fowls and clean: and ye shall not make your souls abominable by beast, or by fowl, or by any manner of living thing that creepeth on the ground, which I have separated from you as unclean (Leviticus 20: 25-26 King James Version)

It quickly becomes apparent that “abominable” is a synonym for “unclean.” This should be clear to anyone who is familiar with purity laws of the Old Testament, some of which many practicing Jews still follow today. Hence, if Christians today would like to use these passages from Leviticus to condemn homosexuals, they should first make sure that they are not an abomination themselves for: eating pigs, lobsters, or shrimp, mixing two types of seeds in a field (or perhaps a garden), or wearing clothing made of more than one type of fiber (to name a few). Additionally, purity rules make women a temporary abomination during their menstrual cycle or giving birth, men after seminal emission and everyone after attending a burial (Helminiak, 48).

Religion and our society teach us that certain things are gross, unclean, dirty, or wrong. It is imperative to become conscious that just because some people are religiously trained to believe that something is disgusting or dirty does not mean that it is wrong. Often times children are taught that sex is a taboo topic, and since we learn from a young age that we are not supposed to do things that are wrong, or say things that are gross, sex becomes something seen as dirty, impure, and wrong; when in fact it is not. The same can be said about and applied to homosexuality. Since people have repeatedly misinterpreted what the Bible actually says about this topic, there is no surprise that prevailing religious notions and uncleanly connotations are attached to homosexuality as a whole.

Finally, we will take a look at the sole New Testament that appears to express disapproval of homosexuality. The lines of interest are found in Romans through the writings of Paul and they read as follows:

For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who hold the truth in unrighteousness; Because that which may be known of God is manifest in them; for God hath shewed it unto them. For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse: Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened. Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools, And changed the glory of the uncorruptible God into an image made like to corruptible man, and to birds, and fourfooted beasts, and creeping things. Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves: Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen. For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is unnatural: And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet. And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers, Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, Without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful: Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them (Romans 1:18-32 King James Version).

The above words, for most anti-homosexual Christians, would seem enough to send any lesbian woman or gay man to eternal damnation. However, there is a language barrier in the translation and interpretation of the text that allows for such a conclusion to be reached. The original Greek words that translated to “unnatural” are “para physin.” The physin part which was translated to mean “natural” can actually have numerous meanings.

Paul himself used this word to describe several different subject matters including: Jews by birth, those who are physically uncircumcised and those who instinctively do what the law requires. Additionally, the same word, physin, is used to say that “beings by nature (physei) are not gods,” and in Paul’s question “Does not nature (physis) itself teach you that if a man wears long hair, it is degrading to him?” (Helminiak, 64).

The Greek word para is most frequently interpreted to mean “beside,” “more than,” “over and above” or “beyond.” However, in some situations, para can mean “contrary to.” So, indeed para physin might also be translated to mean “contrary to nature.” Nonetheless, a “historical-critical study of the Bible” and its proper translation says otherwise. The way that Paul uses this term and the way that he does so consistently throughout his writings would say that para physis means “unexpectedly” or “in an unusual way” (Helminiak, 65).

Overall, this would mean that the sexual practices described were not intentionally sinful or willful acts that purposefully went against God. Rather, interpreting Paul’s usage of para physis correctly leaves a reader with a different understanding altogether. Re-reading with this in mind, one gets the feeling that the actions of these people were “different from what one would generally expect,” atypical or unusual, but not sinful (Helminiak, 65).

In looking at the Bible as a whole, the passages that supposedly forbid homosexual activity are few and far between. The pieces, discussed and dissected above, have fallen apart into what most people could write off as misinterpretations; be it willful or otherwise. It is very interesting that the Church would take so much time to single out this one type of “sin” and preach against it; especially when the condemnations cannot withstand scrutiny. There are so many other transgressions that are more frequently and vehemently lamented in the Bible than homosexuality, one cannot help but wonder what the Church’s fascination is with this topic.

Some preachers and religious figures are so obsessed with homosexuality that they make it into the limelight with their denunciations of it. Fundamentalist Baptist Jerry Falwell has long spoken out against gays as “the apotheosis of America’s supposed devolution into wickedness, even blaming them for the terrorist attacks of 11 September 2001” (Thumma, 367). Falwell has also been quoted as saying that “AIDS is not just God’s punishment for homosexuals; it is God’s punishment for the society that tolerates homosexuals” (Dawkins, 289).

Ironically, the Catholic Church has more recently been revealed as being frequented by homosexual priests in its ranks. Indeed, “Priests, it turns out, have bodies, and many –not just Catholics either- use their bodies sexually in ways that may or may not be officially sanctioned” (Thumma, 372). Often times the same people condemning homosexual behavior are the same ones who are partaking in the festivities. The name Ted Haggard comes to mind.

All of these arguments against homosexuality which appear to be based in holy God-inspired biblical passages turn out to be based in nothing more than fear tactics and illogical biblically-based lies. Clichés such as, “The Bible says so” should not be enough to stop people from questioning once they realize that they have been fed false interpretations to begin with.

Yet another hollow argument used by the Church is seen in its Letter on the Pastoral Care of Homosexual Persons written by the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith in 1986. Here the Church “censures same-sex genital acts on the grounds that they are ‘against the Creator’s sexual design’ due to ‘not being able to transmit life’” (Badgett, 213). One should immediately be curious as to why the Church does not then prevent sterile individuals from having sexual contact. Moreover, one would expect that the Church should run an equally strict campaign against condom usage as it does in opposition to homosexuals.

It is clear that many Christians have been led to believe that homosexuality is “an affront to their religious views” (Boushka, 185). Yet, perhaps it is time to realize that the true and tangible offense is that they have been misled by their own Christian leaders. Entire stories from the Bible are taken by priests in the Church and then twisted in order to condemn homosexuals, rather then spread the story’s true message. Biblical interpretations that lead people to believe that homosexuality is an “abomination” in the literal English sense are simply false. Indeed, the real issues at hand are Old Testament purity laws which are no longer followed. Additionally, incorrect translations of key words from their original language into English have also led to unnecessary confusion.

All of these misleading teachings have only worked to push homosexuals away from the Church. Whole congregations are being lied to; be it willfully or otherwise. These messages of damnation and hate create an unforgiving atmosphere for homosexuals and cause Christians to treat others in ways that Jesus, according to the grapevine, never would.

Undoubtedly, a textual analysis of the Bible reveals that the Christian condemnation of homosexuality is unwarranted and baseless. Perhaps the Austrian economist and philosopher Ludwig von Mises put it best when he said, “Each epoch has found in the Gospels what it sought to find there, and has overlooked what it wished to overlook.”

Works Cited

Badgett, Lee. Sexual Orientation Discrimination: An International Perspective. New York, NY: Routledge, 2007.

Boushka, Bill. Teenage Sexuality: Opposing Viewpoints. Farmington Hills, Michigan: Greenhaven Press, 2006.

Comstock, Gary David. Gay Theology without Apology. Cleveland, Ohio: Pilgrim Press, 1993.

Dawkins, Richard. The God Delusion. New York, NY: Houghton Mifflin Co., 2006.

“Christianity and the Religions of the World.” Encyclopedia Britannica. 2008. Encyclopedia Britannica Online. 11 May. 2008 http://www.britannica.com/EBchecked/topic/115614/Christianity-and-the-Re....

Helminiak, Daniel A. Ph.D. What the Bible Really Says About Homosexuality: Recent Findings by Top Scholars Offer a Radical New View. San Fransisco, California: Alamo Square Press, 1994.

Nugent, Robert. A Challenge to Love: Gay and Lesbian Catholics in the Church. New York, NY: The Crossroad Publishing Co., 1989.

Sands, Kathleen M.God Forbid: Religion and Sex in American Public Life. New York, NY: Oxford University Press, 2000

The King James Version of the Bible was originally published in 1611.

Thuma, Scott. Gay Religion. Landham, Maryland: Rownman & Littlefield, 2005.

2010-04-22T19:54:00.001-05:00

lines at costco are always 20min long with 10 lanes closed... good job guys

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2010-04-21T20:02:00.001-05:00

there's some ducks in my pool!

2010-03-31T23:19:00.001-05:00

step-lion!

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2010-03-28T18:58:00.000-05:00

t-rex!

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Socialism brought on by 'ObamaCare' ???

2010-03-23T16:54:00.003-05:00

So my friend Matt linked me this post from some random site... it's pretty entertaining.

http://i.imgur.com/590Ev.png

LINK

hahaha

2010-03-13T18:40:00.001-06:00

Rawr

2010-03-07T17:36:00.000-06:00

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Family Guy Mocks Palin's, Down Syndrome

2010-02-16T14:51:00.003-06:00

So I have to say that while I was watching Family Guy last night I said to Kyle, "Yah, this isn't funny, they crossed the line with this one. There is going to be backlash."

Then not more than 2 minutes later, they make a joke towards the Palin family whose young son has down syndrome.

Not cool. Even if I have no respect for Sarah Palin.

New Law Would Ban Marriages Between People Who Don't Love Eachother

2010-02-15T18:42:00.001-06:00

New Law Would Ban Marriages Between People Who Don't Love Each Other

2010-02-12T00:03:00.001-06:00

my cat is a skater punk :)

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2010-02-11T18:40:00.001-06:00

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2010-02-10T17:54:00.001-06:00

pelican that tried 2 bite kyle

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2010-02-10T17:39:00.000-06:00

kyle's first margarita at a bar

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2010-02-10T17:29:00.001-06:00

there are birds in this bar on Santa Monica Pier

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